Virago 24/7

Truth is Liberation

• Lyanette Talley

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After 100 episodes of Virago, Lyanette Talley, reflects on the podcast's journey and the power of speaking your truth as a path to healing. A recent trip to Puerto Rico provided perspective on personal growth and the importance of reconnecting with your roots.

• Celebrating Virago's 100th episode milestone
• Why Lyanette chose not to air a previously recorded episode where a friend wasn't ready to share her full story
• The therapeutic value of speaking your truth and releasing pain
• Understanding the difference between harmful gossip and healing truth-telling
• How fear keeps us protecting those who have harmed us
• Learning to accept criticism and grow from it without letting ego take control
• Setting boundaries while still honoring your authentic experiences
• Recognizing that sharing your story isn't betrayal—it's healing
• Moving forward requires letting go of relationships and comfort zones that no longer serve you

"Your new life will cost you your old one, but the people meant for you will meet you on the other side. Instead of being liked, you'll be loved; instead of being understood, you'll be seen."


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Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley


Speaker 1:

Hello my fellow Viragos. It's me LT. How's it going? Everything is going. Everything over here is going, that's all I can say. I did take a nice little vacay to Puerto Rico and I'll let you know all about that. But before we get into it, I'm here by myself, party of one, and I am happy to say that this is Virago's 100th episode, episode 100. Cue the confetti, cue the horns, cue the music, cue all the things. Um, very exciting. Uh, episode 100. And I'm here celebrating alone. Actually, I'm not alone, I'm with you guys. Um, so very exciting I'm.

Speaker 1:

I'm very proud of Virago and, um, even even with with me not recording consistently like I did the first year. You know, the first two years I was pretty consistent with my weekly podcast. It's kind of been sporadic the past two years and I was so hard on myself a lot of the times. And then I realized, you know, we're just doing this for fun, we're conversing for fun, and when I realized we made it to 100 episodes, I'm like you know what? That's better than most podcasts, right? That's better than most that start and end quickly. So proud of Virago. But, yes, puerto Rico Went to Puerto Rico for spring break.

Speaker 1:

It was a wonderful visit. It was me and Phillip and the three kids and my mom and my stepdad and Brianna, who's been on the show, and her oldest, and I got to see my aunt, who I haven't seen in years, which is my mom's sister and one of my cousins, so it was just a really good trip. We stayed on part of the island that we're not from, it's sister and one of my cousins. It was just a really good trip. We stayed on part of the island that we're not from. It's the west side of the island, which is a lot quieter. I'm from the north part, the San Juan area, and there's a lot of hustle and bustle where we stayed. It was very quiet, very country, it was lovely and I needed it for my soul.

Speaker 1:

It's one of those things that we hear about, like you know, seasonal depression or seasonal sadness, and I really believe that to be true. I feel like after the holidays January, february I get into this like I don't know if it's I wouldn't, for me personally I wouldn't say depression, but you know, you kind of get into internal and I start thinking about what I want for the year and start. You know, I try not to dwell too much on the things that I wanted to do the years past. But you know I'm human, so that creeps in. So I've been kind of in my head, in in my own little world the past few months, and so going to Puerto Rico was like a refresher, a reminder of like this is where I've come from and this is where I am, and just seeing how far I've come, and it really puts a lot of things in perspective of no, my life is good. Yes, I can internal, go in inward and internalize a few things and and and start planning for this year. And I guess it's just my pattern is I start thinking too deeply into things and I have to realize what I have, where I've come from. And so that's what Puerto Rico did. It was lovely, lovely, lovely. So I want to talk about where we left off.

Speaker 1:

So I know the last episode we did mention that we wanted Shiny to come on and she was going to talk to us about some things that she hasn't spoken about on the podcast and her and I actually did record. It's hard to get the three of us together me, brianna and Shiny, you know because we have lives, we all have kids, we work, and so it's hard to to come together to record and so we've had a lot of, you know, we've wanted to come together and we write it down on the calendar and then things come up and it just doesn't happen. So, and we write it down on the calendar and then things come up and it just doesn't happen. So Shani and I did record but honestly, I'm not going to air it. I'm not going to air that episode.

Speaker 1:

You can tell she didn't feel quite comfortable speaking her truth and that's okay. So this is not coming down on her. I always want to respect people's wishes. I think she would have been okay with me releasing it, but the fact that she was second guessing certain things, it is what it is and you know, we're just in all different stages in our journeys and our growth and you know some of us are just hesitant to speak up and to tell our story. Or you know we want to edit it so that we don't make others look bad, and so that's really what it is is that we don't want especially the one you know us that care and that have a heart of. We don't want people to look bad.

Speaker 1:

Me for me, I feel like coming on this podcast and starting this and speaking my mind and my truth and my life, it's been therapeutic for me. I'm not saying that everyone needs to come on a podcast and share their truth and speak about their lives because really, when you think about it, our lives involve other people and I think that's where people are hesitant to come on and speak. But even aside from the podcast, there's some of us I don't even want to say it to like not even one person you know and for me I've been able to let go of so much, so much from my past. I've been able to forgive, I've been able to ask for forgiveness, I've been able to just release a lot of things that I was holding on to, and for me it's been therapeutic. But, like I said, not everyone needs to come on a podcast to you know, to speak their story.

Speaker 1:

But there's definitely something to not being afraid to share about our lives and even if it's just to one person, even if it's just to your closest friend, um, saying things out loud, it takes the control away from those who are a part of our story or were a part of our story. You know, so many of us, you know, just want to keep things quiet because we're afraid to hurt those who have hurt us or who have had a negative impact on our lives, who have had a negative impact on our lives, and when I think about it, it just sounds so insane that we're afraid that by speaking on things that have happened to us, by those who wronged us, that we would turn around and make those people feel bad. You know, by saying this is what happened to me and so to me, that just shows what a great heart you have, that you know you still care for those who have had a negative impact on you. But also, on the flip side, you know, here you are suffering because you're keeping their secrets and holding on to their baggage, and for me, you know, they still have the control. The fact that you're afraid shows that they have that control. You know I've come on here and I've spoken on a lot of things and and not everybody has liked what I've had to say and I've said it before that I haven't even said everything that I've or told stories that I wanted to say, because you you know you don't want to hurt people's feelings, but also you want to be honest with. This is my life and this is how these people impacted me and I've even come on here and I've told you guys about my struggles with Kaylin, my oldest, and you know there have been times that she's said things that had truth to them and some that didn't. And the things that had truth to them, I had to put my ego aside and look in a mirror and acknowledge that there are things that I could have done differently, and I've apologized for things that I did, that I didn't know I was doing at the time. But now that I do know I can do better and I can be better, you know.

Speaker 1:

And for the things that had no truth to them, I again had to put my ego aside and realize that what she was saying was coming from a place of hurt and that I couldn't take it personally. And within that, you know that's not easy to do because you want to set the record straight and, trust me, there was times where I'm like no, no, that's not how it happened. But a lot of times I just had to pray that she would come to realize that you know that the things that she was saying were out of pain and that she was meshing some of the truth with. You know some of the hurt that she was feeling. I don't know if you know 10 years ago that I would have handled it this way. Maybe I would have taken it more personally and let my ego make things worse by guilting her or belittling her or accusing her.

Speaker 1:

And, like I said, I've had moments where, you know, I felt like I had to defend myself and my prayers the past few years have been to speak my mind, to speak on things that have happened, but from a place of, you know, a controlled way of speaking controlled, not emotional and the times that I have come out of that and I feel like I've overstepped. You know I've had to apologize and I will apologize, but all this to say that Kaylin has a right to speak her truth about things that affected her, whether I like it or not. And I have the right to speak my truth even if it hurts or has hurt the people that affected my life. And you also have the right to speak your truth. You also have the right to speak your truth even if it offends those that are a part of your story, right? So what stops us from speaking up? And the only word that comes to my mind is fear Fear of being like guilt, feeling guilty, fear of rejection, fear of retaliation, fear of, like any backlash that those who are a part of our story, that they would exhibit any of these things.

Speaker 1:

And what I've learned and what I feel like we all have to understand, is that we're all human, we're all flawed. Of course we're going to handle all relationships with perfection. You know we do our best, but we're always going to fall short and and along this like healing journey, I do give those people grace, like once you come out of that cycle of blaming and accusing and guilting and all these things in this cycle, once you like get yourself out of that, you can look at people with grace and understanding of they did what they could with what they were given. Where I have issues with is like if I don't see someone growing, like this is just who I am and take me or leave me that's where I have issues with with people is not seeing that growth, is not seeing that growth, but understanding that as well, so that when people are, you know, accused of me, of how I've been in their life like, of course, with my kids I'm sure other things will come up with my two other ones and knowing to accept it and to learn from it and to be better from it.

Speaker 1:

And those that we can't control, that aren't mature enough to be on that same path, like there's really nothing we can do about it. We can't control them. There's really, like I said, there's really nothing that we can do about those people, but for some reason we're still stuck, even if we see it big picture. But for some reason, we're still stuck, even if we see it big picture. We see that they're in the wrong or we see that they're not holding themselves accountable, but yet we just want to keep these secrets and keep their stories so that we don't reap the you know, the aftermath, aftermath, um, the explosion that, um, that will come from those people. I, you know I'm talking about this because you know it just opened my eyes that not everyone's ready and and, like I said, I love shiny I love shiny and I respect that she's not ready to speak her, her full truth, um, and her journey that she's been on since she was little, and hopefully one day we'll get to hear that.

Speaker 1:

But, with wanting to talk about this, I was on Instagram. We just scrolled through Instagram and I came upon this post. I don't even follow this person, don't know anything about him, but I was like I was reading, I was like this actually pertains to like this message that was put on my heart and it's at Chris Durso. So I googled him. He appears to be a pastor somewhere. I didn't really go deep into it but I was like, okay, that makes sense, because a lot of what he was it's like different slides, like 20 slides. I'm going to read them to you, the ones that really that I was feeling, and so he threw some biblical stuff in there.

Speaker 1:

I'm not going to read all of it, but before I read this, before I read what he posted and I and and I feel like you know it spoke to me, I just want to preface you know, for the people that are not on a healing journey and we all know, if we're on a healing journey or if that's not even on our radar, deep down, we know. So, for those that are not on a healing journey, this is not going to speak to you and if you're not on a healing journey to you, and if you're not on a healing journey, this message hear me. Hear me loud and clear. It does not give you permission to spew hate and call it your truth or spin the truth to fit your narrative and claim it as your story. Because a lot of these messages that we see online as your story, because a lot of these messages that we see online, we know, like I said, there's a lot of us that will read it and we feel it, but also we still want. We're in protective mode, we're protecting those that have wronged us. But there's others out there that, oh, I'm this healing journey, but they'll just throw everybody under the bus and not give a shit. So I'm not talking to you guys and, deep down, we all know what category we fall in. So, for those who are truly wanting to heal and shed pain and shed hurt and seek forgiveness and be forgiven, this message is for you and this is what I saw on Instagram. So it says they sinned against you quietly but labeled your honesty as gossip.

Speaker 1:

Spiritual manipulation is a sin. Silencing is a sin. Talking about it is not. There's a difference between gossip and truth-telling, between slander and grief. Gossip talks about others to wound. Truth shares experience to heal. Gossip seeks attention. Truth seeks resolution. Why is it acceptable to prophesy about the future but forbidden to speak honestly about the past or the present. God doesn't just redeem the future, he heals the past. You can't heal from what you're not allowed to name. Silence may feel like protection, but often it becomes a prison. What you bury to keep the peace may be burying you. Silencing survivors is not the same as seeking unity. Unity without honesty isn't peace, it's performance, and performance doesn't heal, it hides.

Speaker 1:

The Bible doesn't hide the truth to protect reputations. It names people and their actions Judas betrayed, peter denied, david abused, cain murdered, not for gossip, but for accountability, justice and generational clarity. If telling the truth feels like betrayal, you've been groomed to protect dysfunction. Truth is not disloyalty. Truth is light, and light is the beginning of liberation. And light is the beginning of liberation.

Speaker 1:

Therapists will tell you your nervous system cannot release trauma from what your voice is not allowed to reveal. Unspoken pain becomes stored pain. Suppressed truth becomes embodied stress. You don't need a microphone to be honest, but you do need a safe space to be whole. You're not obligated to stay quiet just because the truth makes others uncomfortable. Your story doesn't make you divisive, it makes you honest, and honesty is sacred. Even if you're the only one willing to tell the truth, you're not being rebellious. You're being responsible. If telling the truth costs you the relationship, it was built on control, not covenant.

Speaker 1:

Real love doesn't demand silence. It invites growth. This is not about revenge, it's about regulation. Speaking up doesn't make you dramatic. It makes you self-aware. And self-awareness is the beginning of healing.

Speaker 1:

True healing isn't just moving on. It's moving forward with truth, boundaries and grace. Healing doesn't mean pretending it didn't happen. It means your past no longer controls your present. It's clarity without chaos, peace without pretending, compassion without codependence. Silence may have offered you a sense of safety, but it was counterfeit. It kept you quiet, not healed. It protected their image, not your heart. It gave the illusion of peace but cost you your voice. You're not hurting them, you're healing you. Healing isn't dishonor. Truth sets you free. It's time to experience freedom. So when I read that, I was like, wow, this is.

Speaker 1:

One of the purposes of this podcast was to bring women together and men but mostly women together, to really be vulnerable and speak our truth and not to hurt people, not to bash, but to heal and to grow and to learn and be better and do better. And there are a lot of us that are seeking that and we have a lot of people in our lives that put those barriers in front of us because they're not on that same journey and they probably never will be on that journey, and I've learned that it's okay if those people aren't, but you're not going to stop me from speaking my truth. And yeah, they're not made up truths, they're facts. And the reason that it hurts is because it's the truth, you know. And going back to Kaylin, even the things that I don't believe were true and they're not true, they might be true in her mind, but take emotions out of it and let's talk about the facts. Even still, I had to take my ego out of it and just be like okay, this is how she's feeling, I'm not going to take it personal. The truth is the truth and one day she'll figure it out.

Speaker 1:

And again, the things that were true yep, that happened and yes, I'm sorry and I wish all of us can get to that point in life is very hard, because nobody wants to look into a mirror, no one wants to be seen as the person that has caused damage in someone else's life and that's hard. I mean, that's a hard pill to swallow, but for me it's like. But for me it's like I can't be afraid, I can't be in fear. This is part of healing. In order for us to heal, our stories must be told and if we're somebody that's hurt others, we have to acknowledge it and apologize so that we can help that person heal and, in turn, you're being healed. You know it starts with accepting and letting go and apologizing, and I think it all goes hand in hand.

Speaker 1:

You know, we're not always the person that needs to forgive. Sometimes we're the ones asking for forgiveness, and that's okay and it just shows the maturity, the emotional stability that's within you, the emotional growth, and ideally we would want everyone to be in that place. But again, we can't control those people. So, you know, some of us will never understand how therapeutic it is to let it all out. There are those that will never get it, that will never get to a place of understanding. Their egos will forever be in control of their thoughts and their emotions, of their thoughts and their emotions. And you know, for those of us that are ever learning and ever growing, it can't be our problem. It can't be our problem to carry. You can't control how others will react to what you have to say. You can't control how others will react to what you have to say. And also, you can't fear their reaction. You can't allow their reaction or the fear of it keep us from sharing our stories Because, you know, this is what has brought us to this point in our, in our lives, is our story and in our, in our testimony, and I am proud to say that.

Speaker 1:

You know, I've learned this. It's extremely hard because if it wasn't, we'd all be doing it and it's been through. Just talking to you guys, to my friends, outside of podcasting, just letting it out and putting it out on the table and not just placing blame but understanding that, yes, this has happened, but how can I move forward and what can I do differently and how can I change? Because we can't stay stuck in the blame game and we can't stay stuck in our past. Speak our story, tell our past, speak our story, tell our truth, have people see you and hear you, but also give you words of wisdom. You know there's been a lot of tough love and that's why I've been able to let things go A lot of well. Yeah, that happened, but okay, why are we still crying about it? Type types deal and it opens your eyes. It doesn't always feel good, but once you're on the other side, it's. It's very freeing, and I just hope that we all get to that place one day. And um, yeah, I just wanted to share that with you guys. This is going to be a quick, quick podcast. Um, for my hundredth, hundredth uh episode, quick and to the point. Um, I can talk about speaking our truth forever and ever and ever. I've done a few shows about speaking our truth. Um, it's something that's very important to me.

Speaker 1:

People make you feel bad for wanting to speak on your own life and things that have happened to you. It just blows my mind every time Like this is my life. I'm not speaking about your life. I'm speaking about my life that happened to intertwine with mine, and now I'm the bad guy for speaking up on it, and that should not be the case. So I'm going to leave you guys with this.

Speaker 1:

Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It's going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction. It's going to cost you relationships and friends. It's going to cost you being liked and understood, but it doesn't matter, because the people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side and you're going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward. And, instead of liked, you're going to build a new comfort zone around the things that actually move you forward. And, instead of liked, you're going to be loved. Instead of understood, you're going to be seen. All you're going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are. Let it go.

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Lyanette Talley

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