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Virago 24/7
Virago 24/7 is a podcast that brings women from all walks of life together. Host, Lyanette Talley, invites everyday women to talk about a variety of topics such as, marriage, divorce, children, friendships, self-love, self-care and really anything affecting our lives and our world. Conversations with friends are what help us feel like we are not alone. Virago 24/7 brings these conversations to you! A Virago is a woman who demonstrates heroic qualities. The original meaning is Latin for “female warrior.” The numbers 24/7 remind us that we are female warriors all day every day! Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors.
Virago 24/7
Advice to your 30-year-old self
This episode of Virago 24-7 takes you through our hosts' personal tales of gratitude, self-reflection, and growth, inspired by the thoughtful practice of the Jesuit Examen prayer. Join Lyanette, Shiney, and Briana as they shed light on embracing life's unpredictability, from the relief of good biopsy results to the comfort of supportive relationships in navigating personal trials and triumphs.
We explore the idea of adjusting to life's curveballs and discovering purpose beyond our initial plans. Lyanette shares her journey of becoming a stay-at-home mom, highlighting the importance of finding joy in the present and letting go of unhelpful comparisons. The discussion touches on dealing with grief, family dynamics, and the powerful notion of JOMO—Joy of Missing Out—as a path to self-awareness and fulfillment. Through heartfelt stories, we underscore that it's never too late to make a pivot, challenge expectations, and rediscover happiness in unexpected places.
The conversation takes a deeper turn with explorations into motherhood, overcoming addiction, and finding purpose beyond traditional roles. Our stories are a testament to resilience, from confronting the fear of relapse to celebrating new job opportunities. We reflect on parental aspirations, inspired by literature, and the significance of embracing our emotions and faith during life's transitions. Throughout, the value of processing emotions healthily, leaning into supportive friendships, and the wisdom gained from personal growth journeys are brought to the forefront, reminding us of the unique paths we all tread.
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
Hi, I am your host, leonette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24-7. Virago is Latin for female warrior and 24-7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with Everyday Warriors.
Speaker 1:Hello everyone, viragos in the house. I have Shiny Hello, brianna, hi and me, leonette, welcome, girls, welcome. Thank you, yes, thanks for being here. Thank you for having us. How's everyone doing? Wonderful? Let's get into it. We have. We had our friend Justin come and he's like you know what, ladies, I'm going to help you guys out. Justin has a production background and so today is like a guinea pig day, test run, a test run of a format. Yes, yes, it's the pilot. Yeah, pilot, yeah, it is. Even though it's episode like 90 something, it's the pilot. So if you guys hate it, let me know. If you love it, let me know. If you're indifferent, let me know, or not, if you hate it?
Speaker 2:don't tell me, though. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Brianna doesn't like stuff like that. I'm okay with a little criticism. So, no, justin, when he over, he was telling us about a Jesuit prayer and I'd never heard of it, but it's called the examine, and so, um well, I'm going to read it. I'll read it, cause I Googled it. So the examine is a daily prayer and it's a method of self reflection that helps people notice God's presence in their lives, which is really cool. And this is what Virago is all about Self-reflecting, learning, growing, healing, all the good stuff, and basically it's being grateful, like looking around and seeing what you can be grateful for I love it, what events throughout the day, and then also looks at like what, any regrets or anything that you've done that you could have done better, and so I want to try that exercise and see what each of us has, what highlights and what hurdles, and it doesn't have to be today, it could be, for, you know, the past week or so. So, shani, what is your?
Speaker 3:highlight and hurdle. Can I pass and think on it for a few minutes and you guys go first? Yes, ma'am, thank you, shiny Bree.
Speaker 2:I would say my highlight has been short story or long story short. I got a puppy about two years ago and I'm in the middle of going through a divorce right now and I didn't foresee being able to bring my puppy. She's a bigger, golden doodle. I didn't foresee being able to bring her to my apartment, but I prayed about it and thought about it and in my heart I just felt like it was the best decision to bring her to live with us. So we did that this week and she has been absolutely wonderful it's. I've fallen in love with her all over again and she's been amazing. So that's definitely been my highlight of the week. That's good. It's been really great. I'm, I'm stoked.
Speaker 2:And then I would say my hurdle has been I have a 17 month old and he's teething. So we've had a lot of grumpiness and a lot he's, you know know, taking motrin like every six hours, poor little guy, and a lot of sleepless nights. So that's been my hurdle, but I'm just thankful to have a happy baby that's teething, or a healthy baby that's teething, rather. But it's been. It's been tough. There's been a lot of, a lot of or lack of sleep, I should say.
Speaker 1:But yeah, those are good. So for me, I told you all a week or two ago was it two weeks ago? About my biopsy that I had to do yes, and so we did it. We did it on Wednesday a week and a half ago or two weeks ago, and then I was going to Dallas. So that Friday I got the call at the airport we're in line, we're bougie. We like to check in our luggage, even though they are technically carry-ons, but because we get for free, we don't do bougie bad and bougie Nice shirt. Shiny, she has a cute shirt that says bad and bougie. With what's her name? Betty.
Speaker 3:Boo, betty Boo.
Speaker 1:And a witch hat. So I'm standing in line with you know, philip, and our two little ones, and well, they're not little, but they're little to me, khalil and Corinne, 16 and 14. We're on our way to Dallas to go to watch a football game and this whole time because even Brianna was like you're so calm and yes, I was calm and the whole biopsy experience was actually lovely. The nurses were amazing Northside Hospital here in Georgia and they just hold your hand throughout all of it. So I felt very comfortable. It wasn't bad at all.
Speaker 1:But a little part of me was like prepare yourself, just in case, just in case, Just get that mind going, in case it's not what you want to hear. So we're standing in line, my phone rings and I'm like I gotta get it, I gotta get it and I'm like hello. And she literally just went in and was like I want you to have a wonderful weekend. It was nothing. Now we know for next time, cause they put a little marker in there like a teeny, tiny little thing, and it shows, shows, it'll show up in the next mammogram. That way they know that that's already been looked at. And literally tears just come flowing from my face and I think it was like relief, because I can tend to act like I'm a badass, but I'm not.
Speaker 3:I am that is the bad I am, I a badass, but not all the time.
Speaker 1:So anyways, it was like relief. Yeah, so no cancer.
Speaker 3:How often do you have to go now?
Speaker 2:Just regular Just once a year.
Speaker 1:I don't know what is it now? I thought they said if you have clean scans, it's every three years, no, or once a year?
Speaker 3:Okay, I just for me it was three years, because I haven't been in three years I would still say recommend next year. Yeah, I'll go next year, so yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, they changed the past. Yeah, so no cancer hallelujah, thank the lord.
Speaker 1:And then, honestly, I'm not trying to be all like weird and be like, oh, nothing bad has happened. I don't have any examples like that because, guys, I've had a very long emotional year. So finally, I feel peace and calm and the kids and everything is good. So I have something so superficial. It's superficial, it's not anything that's happened to me, but anytime I have big emotions, I want to find out where they're coming from. Yeah, so we watched a documentary on Netflix and I and I want to know why it's a trigger, why am I being so passionate about this? And the emotions that are coming up are frustration and like somewhat, a little bit anger. But I watched a documentary with really called what called. What's it called? Sweet Bobby, sweet Bobby.
Speaker 2:My.
Speaker 1:Catfish Nightmare, yes, and I'm not going to give anything away, but it's about catfishing and I think my trigger is. The reason for this podcast is that I want everyone to be aware, self-aware and aware of their surroundings and to not get duped, and to be strong and to be, you know, a warrior, yes, and so when I see women fall in the other direction, there's something that goes off inside me instead of empathizing, I want to shake them. You know what I'm saying? Like, instead of being like sad for someone, I get like annoyed, and so I'm like maybe I need to dig more into that. So, anyways, that was my hurdle is trying to figure out why that bothers me so much, especially that that's not my life. But I just want a better life for others, you know, and a better well with all. So, yeah, those are my two things. I love that.
Speaker 2:I think. I think you do have empathy because it frustrates you, for, on their behalf, it may not present the way that you would like it to, but there is some form of empathy there. I think you do have empathy because it frustrates you on their behalf. It may not present the way that you would like it to, but there is some form of empathy there, because you're like you want to shake them so that they can be like what the hell is wrong with you In the first 10 minutes.
Speaker 1:There was like 80 signs. I'm like that was a sign.
Speaker 3:That was a sign. 10 out of 10 recommend no.
Speaker 2:No, it was good. It was good. I don't want to give anything away, but anyways it's.
Speaker 1:I just yeah, you're right, it's the rescuer in you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's what it is, yeah and we've talked about that. But yeah, we gotta get get over that yeah shiny, have you thought about anything?
Speaker 3:mine is gonna piggyback off of yours a little bit.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna go generalized because we haven't done this, this type of form, before, but and I'm just excited about it, I know my highlight is that I would say my life in general has been a journey and I am I have always been a very naive, very hopeful person and I always saw it was a good thing. But actually it's not. It's you, we teach people how to treat us. So I was teaching people that I'm so laid back that you can walk all over me, and so the highlight for me is that on this journey, I have been seeking knowledge, like just like you said, like so strongly wanting to learn about the psychology of people, because that's true empathy, right Putting ourselves in someone else's shoes. So for me, I read 50 psychology books, every different kind, and I found it so fascinating. But what it really taught me is like like everybody has their journey, their choices, their influences based on their life, and neither one is better than the other. And for me, I feel like I may have just woken up, but I am awake.
Speaker 2:Awesome, I love that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, my hurdle was already kind of already looped in there. Yeah, I love Awesome. I love that. Yeah, my hurdle was already kind of already looped in there. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that, all right. So I chink ears, brie, brie, over here, you're 30 years old, I am, and this week, when I was like, what do we talk about? What do we talk about? I was on Instagram and I saw this video with Gabrielle Union, who's an actress. If you don't know her, google her. I love her. But, yeah, she's awesome. She's awesome.
Speaker 1:But she was basically talking to 30 year olds. She's like this is what I want to tell all 30 year olds and basically what she was saying it's time isn't running out, there's no race and there's no checkered flag. She said that you, you know that someone waves at the end of your life saying she did it all. She, you know, and so you have time, because you keep saying and I want to get into this a little bit deeper after I read what she said. Anyways, I'll read it and then we're going to get into it, because there's a lot that she said that I was like that's we need to talk to. Bravery Travel is one of them. Tell people how you really feel, which I don't think you have a problem with that. Don't lie to your therapist. She said be okay to not be okay and then be okay with missing out because staying in is more fun anyways, she says. And so it got me thinking. Let's talk about that. Like what, shynna, you and I I'm going to be 45 in a few days, actually, and you are right in that vicinity, in that vicinity, and so let's talk about what is it that we would tell a 30 something year old? And like, what did we learn in our 30s? What we would tell a 30 something year old? Because, brianna, you're at this point in your life that you're in a transition phase. Yes, you are getting a divorce, you have two little boys, which is going to make you a single mom. So you're 30. So you're in transition, lots of change. And just, I keep hearing you say things like, oh my gosh, I'm too old for this, or oh my gosh, I can't believe at 30. And we're looking at you like girl bye with that, like you're still so young.
Speaker 1:And you know, certain things that I thought about were to really like. So in my 30, I feel like started blossoming at 35, but that's besides the point. 35 was like for me, the magic number. But I didn't really know my purpose because at 30, I was pregnant with my third child. I'm a stay at home mom. I never thought I would be that. I knew I always wanted to be married and I knew that I always wanted to have children. But I thought I'd be a working mom and like kicking ass somewhere and traveling and just like a mover and a shaker. That's what I always felt deep inside of me and that's what I thought that I would do.
Speaker 1:So, being stuck at home with my third kid on the way at 30 years old, I mean, you know I was as happy as I could be at that time, but I just finally, I think why 35 is the magic number? Maybe I should have started sooner. Was I started thinking about what my purpose is and what God has for me? Like, why am I here? Like stop crying over what wasn't or what could have been or should have been. What can I do now with what's been given to me and do something with that? And so that's what I started asking myself around 35, because you know I had her at 30 and then, you know, for a few years I was a hot mess because there's three little kids and toddlers.
Speaker 1:Yes, Like you said yeah, they're teething and they're this and they wake you up. So, finding my purpose and if you can find it now, my gosh, I wish I would have found like that feeling of okay, we're just, we're just switching courses, like we're just pivoting. We're pivoting. I wish I would have known that pivoting was okay, but I was just so like deep in this shoulda, coulda, woulda, and I see that in you where it's like stop, look at it, and what can I do now? What? Yeah, just pivot.
Speaker 1:And then the other thing is comparing yourself, like you're 30. Oh my gosh, I'm divorced. Oh my gosh, I shouldn't be divorced. Oh my gosh, I'm divorced. Oh my gosh, I shouldn't be divorced. Oh my gosh, I shouldn't have two baby daddies. Oh, like all this, oh my gosh. And cause, you're probably comparing yourself to other people and, oh, what are other people going to think and what are they going to say? Who gives a shit Like? Who really gives a shit? And everyone's just doing their best and running their race and, yes, somebody might look at you and judge you. Who?
Speaker 3:cares, but then they're not your people. Yeah, like who cares.
Speaker 1:That's something they need to work out, like how I'm getting frustrated over sweet Bobby, oh yeah, yeah, dear Lord, kimja, I think is her name, oh my gosh. Anyways, yeah, I'm like, that's not my circus, not my monkey. So you know that's her life. So those were a few things, shiny Dia, do you?
Speaker 3:have anything. Well, I was thinking what the things that you said, that the Gabrielle Union said, and you said being OK with being at home or not, not being involved in something, it's Jomo, the joy of missing out.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that the joy. Actually, I saw that recently and I that should be on a shirt and we should all wear it, I agree.
Speaker 3:Yeah, jomo is awesome. Yeah, it is, yeah, it's, it's truly like the letting go, which is what you were saying, was you're telling Brie, you know, not to like, live your life now. Don't, don't go back. Right, like comparison is the thief of joy, right, and? And you, if you compare, you really are taking away from your happiness. And the truth is, you have to think the grass is greener where you water it. And so, as soon as we learn this, like leonette, even when you said I, I wish, I I wish I did that, I wish I knew my purpose, but even stop you there. Yeah, because that's not what we're going to do either. Yeah, we are going to. We're going to, right now, be happy that we're together. Yeah, yeah, and we're going to live in the present, because people are like sleeping. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:What do you mean by sleeping? I mean, I understand, but elaborate on that.
Speaker 3:Meaning people are just happy to do the same thing every day on repeat.
Speaker 1:And are they happy though?
Speaker 3:No, that's why they're not. And the truth is we have to want to learn, want to grow and want to change, and we want better every day. If your morning isn't good, you want your afternoon to be good, like start as soon as possible, and just like what you said, how you want people to be self-aware, you know, lift each other up, like as soon as possible. That we can do that, I think, because that's really living, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and one of the other things that I feel like you're already doing, brie, is being self-aware and knowing Like for me at that time. I've talked about this ad nauseum about my dad passing away. 35 was that magic number because I finally decided I was 33 when he passed away. And that 34 was like a fog because it was a year of just being just grief stricken because we didn't have the. We didn't have like the best bond. Um, yeah, he was my dad. I loved him. I'm his daughter. Yeah, I know he loved me, but it wasn't like this close, like oh my gosh, like this you guys know, and didn't you feel like there was a lack of closure there?
Speaker 1:too. Yes, there was some closure, but it happened and then he passed soon after. So I wish we could have done something with it. But my communication skills were lacking, and, yes, that's learned behavior. My communication skills were lacking, and yes, that's learned behavior, and I'm 30 something years old and I'm not going to beat myself up about it.
Speaker 1:I was aware that, okay, when someone dies is final, and we didn't communicate well. We kept a lot of stuff to ourselves. It would explode because we didn't talk about our feelings on a regular. So I'm like that, that's not. I can't continue doing this. So I had to reflect and then want to change and decided like I have to start somewhere.
Speaker 1:So, speaking my mind at that moment, don't hold onto things, cause you will just tick like a bomb and like explode like a bomb and then everyone's just like left, frazzled. I feel like with you, you're, you're already on your way with that, because for the longest you know, share about your alcoholism if you want and I I'm so proud of you because you're, finally you know it's an issue within you and and it's not really the alcoholism and I don't even want to shed light on that it's the things that drove you to do that right, or you know the other things about your life and upbringing that forced you to want to to numb yourself, self-medicate. Yeah, and now you're accepting those things and you don't want to live there anymore. Yeah, and I'm just so proud because that's a big step. There's so many people that just pass away with, never learning that lesson yeah never being self-aware, never even some people are afraid to look at that.
Speaker 1:It's like, if I, if I'm gonna change, I have to acknowledge that these things happen. I have to acknowledge that shitty stuff happened to me and I have to like, feel those feelings again. Nobody wants that. No, you know how much crime the three of us have done? Yeah, because we are looking at ourselves in the mirror. Yeah, and realizing get your shit together.
Speaker 2:A shit ton of crime yeah.
Speaker 1:So shiny.
Speaker 3:And I was going to say really quick that when I was 30 years old, I wasn't married yet my sister got married before me and she's five years younger. So, and you know my culturally, you have to, you know you have to look the part too. So I worked out every morning and evening, like before and after work, and I was even thinner than I was even at my own wedding, and I was even thinner than I was even at my own wedding, like I had to, like it's as if I had all this on me, that I wasn't like there yet, yeah, but now, looking back, I would tell anybody that there is no race and there's no rules. So that you know that's. I just wanted to share that. That I think Brie's so lucky, don't, thank you. Yeah, yeah, I feel pretty to share that. I think Brie's so lucky, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel pretty lucky. Good, I think, to touch on that. I think as a human, I have my good days and my bad days, right. So my bad days are obviously as a mother, I think, is where I struggle the most. As a mother, I feel I have high expectations for the way that my children grow up, and I come from a very unhealthy childhood and a lot of trauma and a lot of emotional baggage that I never want my kids to feel. So, on my bad days, I feel like I'm I'm hard on myself in regards to being a mother, like I want my kids to have a forever home, my kids to have a forever home. You know, I want my kids to have to see a healthy marriage in a way that I wasn't privy to until, you know, I was a teenager and so I just my bad days are that like I do feel like I'm in a race, like my. My oldest son will be 12 next month and I have a toddler, of course, but I just I feel like there's a hurry to get that done while he's still little and I feel like his childhood is. You know, time is running up on me and I think I'm a very constructive person of myself. I give myself a lot of criticism and but I do try to make it constructive. So it is hard but I do. I do listen and it has been really helpful hanging out with you guys and talking with you guys, because I leave here and I do feel like a badass and I do feel like I've come a long way.
Speaker 2:I will say an advantage not to toot my own horn, but an advantage that I do have is on my good days I am always looking for something to be grateful for. A year ago I would not have pictured myself living in a small two bedroom apartment with my kids and being a single mom and and job hunting and all of these things. I wouldn't have pictured that. But on my good days I I look around at everything I have and I really am very fortunate. I have two beautiful, healthy kids and I do have my own apartment. I haven't had many places that I could call home in my 30 years of life. So I think I think there are good days and bad days, but the hearing stuff like this is extremely helpful because I think for the most part it helps you feel not so alone Like other 30 year olds feel this way, or when you were 30, you were feeling this way. So I think I think I more. I have more advantages than I do disadvantages, and all of my advantages are mental.
Speaker 2:Just like you talked about my alcoholism, it took me so long to to finally accept the fact that I was an alcoholic, and I've touched on this before. But being a young alcoholic is such a a hard thing to accept Like I will never be able to drink again. I will never, and not in a healthy way. Obviously I I can, but if I roll the tape through, I know how that ends every single time, and so it's. It's you kind of have to turn every negative thing about yourself into some sort of strength, and so I've dug as deep as I could fucking dig to find the strength of being an alcoholic, and and for me that's that's how that has what has helped me the most coming out of it and accepting it. And then also I like to, as soon as I meet somebody, I like to make somebody aware. So there's no room for confusion, there's no room for for weak moments, there's no room for any of that.
Speaker 1:Um, I mean that is gross because I've known you since you were. I mean, technically I've known you since you were 16, um, but like, know you, know you? I mean you were a teenager and then early 20s, when you and I were really getting to know each other and hanging out and drinking when you were 21 and and all that. So I've seen the progression, I've seen the growth. I've had to pick you up off the floor, I've had to literally cuss you out because I'm like why are you doing this shit? Again my shoes on me, like literally drag her. Yeah, like she's like weakening at Bernie's, like listen, you're gonna have to put one foot in front of the other and we're gonna, we're gonna walk together.
Speaker 1:But I'm so proud of you because of that and it's so freeing, because I one thing that I always keep telling you if you focus on yourself, your sons, everything else will fall into place. And the other day, you and I were talking and you're like we were getting our nails done, and you turn and you said I just don't want to jinx it, because everything's going so well right now, because you've been focused and you've been proactive. And you I just see a different Brianna and you are afraid that that's something bad's going to happen. And I said, oh my gosh, when I was your age, I did the same thing. Like you feel, like you can't be happy because, finally, everything.
Speaker 2:Unworthy, yeah, or or you're on your toes Like why is everything going so well?
Speaker 1:That's something really big. Where's Ashton Kutcher?
Speaker 1:Am I about to be big type shit, you know yeah, um, yeah, and but the thing with with that, that's another lesson is that you know I think it's a tom hank quote, I don't know if it's him, but I think I heard where he he says something about when things are great, this too, this too, shall pass. And when things are shitty, this, uh too, shall pass. I'm sure he said it in a very more eloquent way, but it's basically saying that all things will pass, whether good or bad. Yeah, and I told you because I had to learn it myself, because I was that the same way, like this is too good to be true and there's a bomb about to drop, yeah, that's gonna make all of this stuff mean nothing, and right now, everything's good.
Speaker 2:But when she like a puzzle right now. Like my puzzle pieces were all freaking scattered and you're like you didn't know what to do now all of the puzzles and and, and you know, with, with help of my own, all of the puzzle pieces are kind of aligning like too perfectly right now and like quickly too, yes, and I'm like this puzzle is about to be ugly as shit.
Speaker 1:Something bad's about to happen because some kid's gonna step on my puzzle. You know some kid's gonna come and be like my toddler.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um take all the puzzle pieces away. It is such a um I I try to find the positive in everything. It's such a good and bad mindset. It's a bad mindset because you don't feel like you're able to enjoy the good things that are happening, because you're so anxious and awaiting the negative things to come that are. You know, like you said, they're inevitable. The good times will pass too. But also it's a good thing because, a positive thing, because I am so appreciative of all of the good things, like I don't take any good thing for granted. No good thing in my life do I take it for granted.
Speaker 2:And I don't want to dive too deep into this because I have struggled a lot with religion all throughout my life.
Speaker 2:I've been very inquisitive, I've questioned if God was real and kind of where I fit in, you know, in the whole God thing, as I used to say.
Speaker 2:But it's funny because it has given me so much hope and I'm nowhere near where I want to be, where I feel like I could be had I had I, you know, tried it sooner or listened sooner.
Speaker 2:But I have a lot of faith that I've never felt before Like I have so much faith, and it's not even to attribute it directly to God. But that's, that's one of the well, I'm just saying, that's in my mind. I don't directly go to God because that's unnatural for me. It's unnatural for me to say, oh, this is a God thing. And something that I want to be very careful about in in my spiritual walk that I'm going through now is for it to be authentic, because before I would do it and say, oh, I believe in God, or wear a cross around my neck and all of a sudden I'm this like little Christian girl no, it was always or get a cross on your hand a tattoo but it was always like so just what I thought I should be, what I thought people wanted to hear whether it be you or dad or friend, you know like it was never authentic.
Speaker 2:And so now I'm embracing the questions that I have the moment, cause I still question, I still have so many questions Is God real? Is this God? Is this the devil? Who?
Speaker 1:which one are you, and?
Speaker 2:so I just I still embrace those questions as well because it it gives me the opportunity and the chance to to feel those questions and to kind of work through those questions. So I I attribute a lot of it to that as well and that is. That is a huge difference that I've made. I haven't been to church in three weeks and every Sunday I'm like damn it, I've listened, but every Sunday I'm like damn it, I didn't go to church today. And then I'm like damn it, I've listened, but every Sunday I'm like damn it, I didn't go to church today. And then I'm so hard on myself and I'm like no girl, because every day it's something that I think about which is way more than I could say.
Speaker 2:A year ago I wasn't thinking about God. Every day, something good didn't happen and I didn't go. Was that gone? Even if I'm not sure, even if I don't look up to this guy and go, thank you, I'm like I, my mind is is at the point now where it's questioning it. So I think that's a that's a big difference too. And I think, going back to the age thing, I think it's hard because my alcoholism has played such a heavy role in my adult life that you know, I, I this started in my early 20s and now I'm 30, so in my mind I'm like this should be over.
Speaker 2:Girl, you should have been done, figured that shit out this should be, over and you know, and then also bringing another child into the world, dealing with all of this as well. So, you know, just going back to the age thing, I think because it has been, in the grand scheme of thing, not that long, but for me way too long I'm like, okay, you were doing this in your early 20s. You know you, you're 30, this should be over by now. So that's kind of where that whole racing thing comes in into play as well.
Speaker 1:Well, and it's you're. You're on your way for it to be over. Yeah, and you're 30.
Speaker 2:And I, I don't want to be I again, I'm not even a superstitious person, but I don't want to jinx it but I also I going back to alcoholism and questioning things. I'm like why is it so easy this time? Like it's too easy, it's too good to be true. You feel like, yes, I'm like, I'm like okay that if something bad happens which the past six months have been some of the hardest months in my life, going through this divorce and just dealing with everything that comes with that, mentally and emotionally, for myself and for my children and even my ex-husband I soon to be ex-husband but I'm like, why has it been so easy? Life has been hard lately. Life has been shit, you know, the past six months. Why has it been so easy?
Speaker 2:And so the positive side of my mind is like, okay, this it's over, like we're done, we're done fighting this shit. It's over. Like we're done, we're done fighting this shit. It's over, you know. But then the other part of me is like not, you know, like like worried. Still, I'll always have that worried and I also don't want to be too cocky or too naive to the fact that you know, I am always an alcoholic. I'm. There are going to be temptations in my life, but yeah, just to go back to that too. You're doing great Thanks.
Speaker 1:You are.
Speaker 2:Thanks, you really are.
Speaker 1:I feel, pretty good.
Speaker 2:I felt better than I have in a long time. You got a job. I did get a job?
Speaker 1:Oh, you did.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:We're going to be working together.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm going back to Innovative Smiles. Yes, she is.
Speaker 1:That's a big deal.
Speaker 2:I smiles. Yes, she is. That's a big deal. I worked there. I worked there for a long time before and I left and came back.
Speaker 1:But no, the crazy thing is and, like you said, your puzzle pieces are literally falling into place because you said you wanted to work there a few months ago, like right, when you separated and got your apartment, I remember you saying do you think you could, you guys would ever have me back, and at that time we didn't have any openings, like, and there was no room for you at all. Right, and honestly, there was nothing in sight that that was looking like it was going to change anytime soon, right? So it's like, yeah, no, that's that door's not open for you. Pretty much.
Speaker 2:I I mean yeah, essentially we weren't a-holes about it, but it's funny too, because it it it lined up well on on urine on the practice end, yeah, yeah, but also on my life too, or in my life too, because I did not want to work for another dentist. I've been very adamant about that, but it's all I know. I'm good at it, like I'm really I once I'm in dentistry, like I'm passionate about it. I'm good at it.
Speaker 2:I have knowledge from it because of who I worked for for so long? Um, but I didn't want to work for another dentist because I'm sorry I've. In my experience, dentists are batshit crazy. Okay, and you have worked for other dentists and they are. They've been crazy, terrible experiences.
Speaker 1:Oh really, I didn't know yes yes, okay and we can have a reality show.
Speaker 2:But I think I think people think it's boring, but no, no, it would not be boring dentists are crazy, and philip k talley is leonette's husband, is the exception to that, but anyway so. So I finally like succumbed to. My situation was like girl dentistry is what you know you're gonna have to find another dental office, and so I started applying at other dental offices.
Speaker 2:I finally decided you know what, I'm gonna just go back to dentistry. And then Perrin, which is Leonette's youngest daughter. I was driving her to school one day and she was like why don't you go back and work at dad's practice? And I was like honestly if he would have me. I totally would, but I don't know that he's open to that or that there's anything available. And it was literally that day or the next day that dad texted me and was like hey, can you?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, someone quit and yeah, and it was just aligned and we're like wait a minute, so yeah, so she starts November, 5th November, and the thing and the. Thing with Brianna. She's a people person and she knows fill up and she, she just knows that practice. The patients are going to be so excited. They're going to be so excited to see you and, yeah, the way it lined up, because there was nothing in sight and so, yeah, now there was an opening and she's sliding right off, it's a nerve wracking thing going back, because Leonette's husband, Dr Talley, is, is I call him dad.
Speaker 2:He's like a dad to me. So not only is there that kind of pressure to perform professionally, but it's it's added pressure for me personally that I've added to myself, because he is my dad and I don't want to disappoint him. I have disappointed him in the past. My alcoholism affected my work, and so so I was very nervous about that.
Speaker 2:But the way that everything has lined up has made me believe like no, this is meant to be like this is this is where you're supposed to be and you're going to be fine, You're going to do well, You're going to make him proud, You're. You know everybody's going to be happy to have you there, and so it's been. It's been such a blessing that the way it worked out because had it not worked out that way and I kind of you know, asked repetitively or whatever, and I felt like I kind of forced my way in. I would that doubt would be so much more but the way it aligned.
Speaker 1:Well, I jokingly told her. I said, girl, I said Phillip is, he's just one of those people. He puts his mind to it and he goes for it. And I didn't know him when he was little, I didn't know him as a teenager, but, like he, you can tell that everything that he did and touched was successful. And so I was like I gave him a chance. And look at me, girl. So stick with him and you're going to be great places too. You got nothing to worry about. Even in the hard times. He won't let you feel like it's a hard time, that's so wonderful, he is the best boss ever.
Speaker 2:I'm biased, I know, but he is the best boss ever.
Speaker 1:And I'm so thankful. I don't know if everyone would say that, but a lot of people appreciate him.
Speaker 2:And my opinion means the most.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm just kidding okay, I'm just kidding and I know we're talking about 30 somethings and we're going to move on to something else. But going back to philip, even though it has nothing to do with our topic, but he, our people, have left thinking the grass is greener and there's been more than a handful that want to come back yes me, this will be my fourth time coming back, dang girl.
Speaker 2:Well, I didn't want to say that, actually it's my second it's like going back to like an old boyfriend.
Speaker 1:Yeah Gosh, the toxicity. I can't get away. And even he ran into someone at a conference recently and I don't know we're just bragging about him, but she introduced I don't know if it was a high-gen as an assistant, but somebody that worked with him years ago and she said to whoever she was with he taught me everything.
Speaker 1:I know, oh yeah, you told me about that, yeah, and so, and the person was like, wow, well, she's really good, so that must be a compliment. So anyways, yeah, we're excited for you to be back into the innovative smiles. My 30s are starting to look up, they are See.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We are starting a new segment and we're calling it Virago's Library.
Speaker 3:I was going to say, this is the pilot for all the segments, all the segments.
Speaker 1:Let's see how it works. But no, we like to read. I don't know, brie, you kind of read. I read true crime books. Yeah, and I read thriller books. There's something you kind of read I read true crime books, yeah, and I read Thriller books. There's something about shiny. Yes, oh my, this is going to be shiny segment. The thing with shiny you know those people that read something, watch something and then they can quote it. Yes, they can quote the name of the book, retain it and the author and what page it was on. Like, apply it, yeah.
Speaker 3:And apply it.
Speaker 1:And repeat it to you. She'll be like Leonette. I read such and such book by such and such, and on page 25, at the very bottom, he said quote the grass is not always green on the underside end quote.
Speaker 1:That's so funny, and so she's always sending me something, and so I said you know what, Instead of just us hoarding it for ourselves. Shiny, what have you read? What have you seen? What have you? Yeah, what is it that you have seen that has been inspiring, that you would like to share and give us who, where, how, so we can read it to you?
Speaker 3:Um well, thank you, you guys are so, so sweet. I guess this is the nerdy me, the nerdy part of me, because every other part is so cool, it's admirable.
Speaker 2:Your reading is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, thank you, that's my part of my, my learning, and then I write about it. Yeah, so I feel like that's probably how I remember I teach my kids, because studying is a skill, so I teach them that if you read something you know, write on it. Or if you learn something, write on it, because that's a second way to remember it Right. So I'm going to read something that we learned together last week, but we didn't record this to share and, brie, you might get to it faster than me right now, but it was the quote that you asked me for. It's on my phone. Oh, whoops. Okay, it's in our group chat. I'll look it up. Yeah, I was gonna say can you help me? I'll help you.
Speaker 2:yeah, see, I read 50 000 things. I thought about this quote and I sent it to my friend the other day because I've thought about this ever since you mentioned it.
Speaker 3:Well, I just don't want to destroy it, but I mean, if you don't find it, I can find it, we can. We can talk about what it's about, but it's a heavy quote, it's one of those heavy hitters and it really makes you think, not just as a mom, but also as a child.
Speaker 1:It was powerful, yeah, and it makes sense.
Speaker 3:It's by Carl Jung and he says the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents and what that. That's really heavy, but it's an unconscious weight that we put on our kids and it's it's too much pressure. How do you guys feel? Because I know we thought about it as a teen mom.
Speaker 2:It hits home and the way you said that I think it me as a mother and a young mom who obviously I didn't live a lot of life before I became a mom and the life that I did live was shit. So it hit home for me. It gave me a whole new perspective and it it makes me want to be more aware of how I parent, because it is a subconscious thing, like you mentioned. So it hit home for me, definitely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean me too, and it's. Did they expand in the book or was it just the quote in the book? Oh, yes, yes, yes, because so is it more of we're not really putting it on our kids. I'm sure there's some parents that ride their kids because they need to accomplish what they didn't, but I'm sure there's some like for me, kaylin recently, and I think I've shared this before.
Speaker 1:For me, kaylin recently, and I think I've shared this before but she said something about not wanting kids and not wanting to get married and I was just kind of asking her why? Well, I want to work and I'm smart enough to put two and two together. I'm like well, you can work. She's like, well, I was like you just don't want to turn out like me.
Speaker 1:So I'll say things to her and if she doesn't say no because she's not going to lie about it She'll say yes, she'll be honest about it. She just has a hard time spitting it out. So I'll interpret things and then you know she either denies it or not. But I said to her you don't want to turn out like me, where I stayed home and you know that I wanted to work and have a career, and she kind of, you know, nodded her head and I'm like but you don't have, first of all, don't feel sorry for me. I don't want that pressure on her or that feeling of I don't want to turn out like my mom and I don't have an ego, so you know it doesn't make me feel sad about it Like I'm not like, oh my gosh, what's wrong with me?
Speaker 1:How you? I have none of those feelings, but I understand that it looks like, oh, poor Leanna, she didn't get a career. But I said I love how my life turned out to be. You know, yeah, in my thirties, you know, 15 years removed, 14 years removed. Of course, at that time I didn't see what I see now.
Speaker 1:At that time, of course, I was like, well, it was me, but my life turned out great. Was like, well, it was me, but my life turned out great. And I was meant to be home with you guys. That was my place. And I became okay with that eventually, like I knew that, that that I would have my time, and I'm like, and you don't even have, you don't even have to have that journey. So it is, and like, sometimes for me it's like, well, don't cry about it, look at around, look at your mom, how she grew up, and look at your grandmother and look at everyone else that came before you. Be grateful, they got you to where you are, so be grateful. So it is that like it's a guilty feeling. So how do we fix it?
Speaker 3:Did it say? Well, I was going to say that a lot of people gave me a hard time because of my background and education and that I stayed home, but I actually have zero regrets. I think that it's not for every mom, but I think me as a mom, it's the most fulfilling part of my life ever and I was meant to be there because I'm actually one of those super rare people that really likes hanging out with my kids.
Speaker 1:You do you do I do now Same. I mean, I do too, I do. I like it better now, at this age, though, yeah, so I would say that I'm going to be honest, yeah, it was.
Speaker 3:I mean not that it wasn't hard, because Gavin was a really hard baby, he cried all the time, but he grew out of it. Yeah, and you know, I was probably crying too.
Speaker 1:But no, that was a good. That was a good something to share because you know it gives people something to ponder.
Speaker 2:I think my alcoholism is a good example of that. Like my, I didn't live a good life and I didn't go through like the young teenage party stage or anything like that, and I became an alcoholic in my early twenties, after I already had a child, so of course that was a burden on my son. You know what I mean. So I think that's a good example of that. But it's just good to even be aware of of quotes like that, because it's always going to be in the back of my mind now. I'm always going to think about that and, like I said, I've thought about it so many times since you said it. So I think it's. I think that's great, I think we're great Next.
Speaker 1:You ready for the next segment? Let's go the Virago Vault. What is the Virago Vault, you ask? Well, right now we have five listeners and if those five listeners would send in a question, your question will go into the Virago Vault and we will talk about said question. But today, since we have no questions from our listeners, I have a question for Brianna about what we were talking. Now that we've imparted wisdom on you and you're going to walk away feeling refreshed and renewed All thanks to me and Shiny, you're welcome. Okay, so you're 30. You have your apartment, your boys are healthy, you got your dog back, you're about to work at innovative smiles. What are you going to do with what we have given you, with what is like being laid before you at the end of 2024? So 2025 is going to be kicking ass. What do you see for yourself? What are your goals? What are you going to take away from today?
Speaker 2:so I think two things stood out to me from from what you mentioned, from Gabrielle. Finding purpose, I think, is a big one for me. In my mind, my purpose has always been to be a mother, and not that that changes. That will always be my purpose. But I also need to find another purpose. I'm I'm a good mom. I take care of my kids. But maybe in a different aspect of my life, whether it be on a professional level, whether it be on a mental health level, you know, helping other alcoholics I think finding another purpose, aside from even like kind of my identity is, is being a mom.
Speaker 2:I've been a mom since I was like seven years old, so that's like my whole, entire personality, um. So I think finding a purpose is good and having a vision on how I'm going to reach that purpose and being deliberate about how I'm going to get there, that one and then something we didn't like dive too deep into this, but it stood out to me and it's something that I've had to learn the past couple of months it's OK not to be OK. That is a huge one for me, because I am the type of person that and it's not even that I want to, to not be real with my emotions. I feel like I'm very vulnerable person in general, but I never want to be a burden for other people. I never want other people that love and care about me or that I love and care about to to think that I'm not okay, like I want everyone to think that I'm I'm fine. All I want everyone to think that I'm I'm fine.
Speaker 2:All the time and the past, you know, throughout my divorce, leonette I've leaned into Leonette a lot and she's she's caught me saying things. I'll say things like this is hard. You know, being a single mom is hard and I want more for my boys, but I should be thankful that they're healthy. I should be and Leonette's like no, it's okay to be sad, it's okay, this is tough shit that you're dealing with. It's okay to feel that It'd be weird if you didn't feel certain emotions like sadness and anger and frustration and all that.
Speaker 2:So I think, through this divorce, one advantage that I have is I have kind of learned that I need to process my emotions as they're happening rather than trying to keep them away until they bubble up and I explode or, you know, turn to things like alcohol. So I think that's a big one for me. It's okay to not be okay and it's funny. I'm going to just say this really quick Dr Talley, who I call dad Leonette's husband, he will send me these abide meditations in the morning, and then there's been a couple of times that I'm like, I'm like dang, that one really hit home, like wow, that's a God moment for me, like he God is talking to me through a human being on this earth. So the other morning I had a really rough morning. Like I said, my son's been teething. My oldest son has been waking up late for school every morning. I have to drive him and I dropped my kids off and I was in my car driving home and I just lost it.
Speaker 2:I just was having a bad morning and I just cried and I was like. I was like so sad and I'm like, oh, I'm regressing, I'm going back to, like my sad mindset. Blah, blah, blah. I get a text message from my dad and it's literally an abide meditation and it's talking about how to be being okay with not being okay, and it's saying you know, this is the time that you lean into god or this is, you know, kind of giving you tips and tricks. And that made me cry even more because I'm like okay, I'm not regressing, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to have these feelings. And then I came over here that next day and you touched on that a little bit and you just like briefly mentioned it's okay not to be okay and I'm like damn the universe is saying.
Speaker 2:God is giving me a sign. It's okay not to be okay, so that definitely stuck out to me, so I think you had asked us.
Speaker 1:we went to church and then we went to brunch with the family, but I think that was one of your questions. How do you know when God's talking to you? That's it. Yeah, Like you don't really realize that it's. That's the way, like how random is that that you're feeling that way and then you get a text and then you come over. That's not a coincidence.
Speaker 2:Those, those are reminders. Like I said, I still have the inquisitive side that I'm like there's no way that that God can be real and that's just a raw, natural feeling that I have. And then I have those moments and I'm like how can he not be? That that's, that's way too coincidental, how can he not be? And I texted him back and I was, I think. I said like, wow, that one hit home this morning, or something like that. So that's definitely something I I take, just processing my emotions. I think that's a big deal and although I'm a mother, I'm still a human being, I'm still a woman, I still have feelings and I need to process those in a healthy way. Those are the two biggest things Traveling I'm always down to travel and comparing myself.
Speaker 2:I not because Leonette's sitting next to me or not blowing smoke up your ass, but I just I look up to a lot as a woman, as a mother, as a wife. I have a lot of respect and admiration for your marriage and that just the type of human you are, and so it is easy to compare yourself. And I think the other day you said something like yeah, I was 30. We were talking about and I was like, wow, you were my age, and I instantly go to that comparative mindset. I'm like, well, she was 30 she was already marrying my dad.
Speaker 2:She was having her third baby. They had a house. She was staying home, you know and so. I think it's a natural thing, but to just be more conscious of that and just to be more aware of that when I am doing that, being like this is my own walk of life and it hasn't been easy. But such a a wonderful thing to be mindful of is that I am in control of it.
Speaker 2:And if I want to be married in five years, then damn it. I'm going to be married in five years with a little girl named Vivian oh, you want to name her Vivian. No, I just made that up. It would be Penelope or Genevieve oh no, genevieve I love.
Speaker 1:The name genevieve axel was gonna be genevieve if he was a girl, okay that's such a cute name. That's adorbs. I'm not allowed to say that current says she said that.
Speaker 2:So like nobody says that, and I have hardcore fomo too as a as a young 30 year old, I get fomo about things, and and friendships another thing I've always admired about you is your friendships. You have a wonderful group of friends you know, shiny being one of them and I don't have a lot of friends. I have a friend from high school and I have my family, which is, you know, you guys, and but, honestly, at 30, the friends that I have, they didn't even exist.
Speaker 1:I was in my own little world, like I said we had. I didn't really have a ton of friends at that time. I mean, you have people, but when you get married and some people aren't the same, so, yeah, you have friends, but not anybody that you're hanging out with anymore. Because you're at 30, your walks of life really go off in way different directions. So I prayed for, I literally prayed for this, and around 32, 33, I told Philip, you know, we would go to the church here down the street, but we literally would go listen and then leave.
Speaker 1:And finally I was like I'm tired of walking this path by myself. I need friends that are in the same boat, that can relate, that have similar interests, that have, you know, small children. I prayed, I said, just bring me a few. I said, you know, one or two or three, maybe five, nothing crazy. And then just the floodgates opened, yeah, and like, imagine, just yeah, the heavens opening, and then the friends are falling down, and then I, you know, started CrossFit and stuff. So just, you're fine, you're going to, you're going to find your community at this age. We're so like.
Speaker 2:I feel like every day. They're my best friend and we love you.
Speaker 1:Those people are going to fall there. You're going to get your people. You will, you will.
Speaker 3:And my people will become your people. Yeah, and I was going to say say you already, you already have a foundation, you might have a great foundation, yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean, you already have it's. It's really the quality, and I feel like I've had the same friends as I was a kid and remember I said that this that Atlanta's been the place I struggled, so I I've always had those friends, but we don't. They don't live here, right? So when I was in this stage of my life, which I've been here 16 years, so it's taking me such a long time to realize who are my real friends here, yeah, yeah, and it's a small group and I'm so thankful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think and you'll accumulate them, and then you'll get rid of a few, because exactly.
Speaker 2:I met friends in my early 20s which I did. They wouldn't have, they wouldn't have been constructive for me in this phase of my life, the ones I was out drinking with or had. I met a nice group of friends whenever I was a closet alcoholic or didn't want to accept it. Now I feel like I'm in a position where I'm ready to accept it. I'm honest about who I am and that sort of thing.
Speaker 1:Yes, you're going to be fine. Yes, anything. If y'all have been listening to me ever, you know I love my quotes or I love to end with something. Sometimes I forget, but I'm going to be more consistent, or about consistency, that's. That's the word of 2025. I don't remember my word. I think it was like calm or something, but anyways, I found this on Pinterest. It says this year I've learned three things. Number one you're not always going to get the closure or explanation you think you deserve. Two sometimes you have to accept something for what it is and move on. And three everything really does happen for a reason.
Speaker 2:I love that. I want to thank you ladies.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much love you, virago. See you next week. Bye, thank you so much for listening to Virago 24-7. If you haven't done so already, go ahead and hit that subscribe button and please give us five star ratings. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram, at Virago247, and on Facebook, at Virago247. And just connect with us and share your story. We'd love to hear from you.
