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Virago 24/7
Virago 24/7 is a podcast that brings women from all walks of life together. Host, Lyanette Talley, invites everyday women to talk about a variety of topics such as, marriage, divorce, children, friendships, self-love, self-care and really anything affecting our lives and our world. Conversations with friends are what help us feel like we are not alone. Virago 24/7 brings these conversations to you! A Virago is a woman who demonstrates heroic qualities. The original meaning is Latin for “female warrior.” The numbers 24/7 remind us that we are female warriors all day every day! Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors.
Virago 24/7
Spritzers, Laughs, and Life Lessons
What if the secret to a healthier lifestyle lies in spritzers and a good laugh? Join us on this episode of Virago 24-7 as we kick things off with a light-hearted chat about the world of ASMR, or as I like to call it, "SSMR." Shiney, brings some fantastic news to the table: she's just landed a job. You won't want to miss her recounting the welcoming interview experience and the surprising revelation about the shop's owner—a former stuntwoman for "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
Personal health journeys can be quite the rollercoaster, and I share my own recent experiences after a revealing physical check-up. With high cholesterol and borderline glucose levels on the table, we delve into the challenges of making dietary changes, like swapping out favorite indulgences and embracing healthier alternatives. From the struggle of avoiding white carbs and sugar to discovering the joy of spritzers, I discuss the importance of small but significant lifestyle adjustments and the motivational support that makes this journey manageable.
Ever wondered how to balance personal growth, career aspirations, and authenticity? This episode's got you covered. We explore the anticipation and excitement of potential career milestones, including the thrill of a third interview for a top sales position. Our conversation also touches on the resilience needed to navigate a rocky marriage, the solace found in faith, and the humor that keeps us going. Plus, we tackle societal norms around sobriety and alcohol use. Tune in for a heartfelt, humorous, and empowering discussion that celebrates ambition, faith, and the complexities of personal evolution.
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
Hi, I am your host, leonette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24-7. Virago is Latin for female warrior and 24-7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with Everyday Warriors.
Speaker 2:I see those videos on TikTok all the time. The only ones I can't do is the eating ones.
Speaker 1:I don't like that. I like it when sorry guys, we're talking about. What is it ASMR? Yeah, we're recording. Hi I was like she's talking about some shenanigans. Hi, okay, okay, we're talking about smr. Okay, what, what sounds? Do you want to do?
Speaker 3:I like that. Did you just make up that that word? No, asmr a is a, but she's an smr. I know I call.
Speaker 1:So the kids make fun of me. So I call it hi shiny, hi hi brie, hi shiny, Hello. No, I say that on purpose, because when they first came out I didn't understand what it was. The kids would say it's so fast and I'm like SSMR. No, they're like ASMR and I'm like SSMR.
Speaker 2:And so now I call it SSMR. I like the tapping.
Speaker 1:Oh, I do like that. I like it when they're pretending to like brush someone's hair or like cut it.
Speaker 2:It's like oh, yeah, yeah, I like that too.
Speaker 1:I fell asleep to that once.
Speaker 2:I can't do that, yeah, a lot of people do it's very, it's very OK.
Speaker 1:But, yes, if you guys hear me say as a summer, I know I'm saying it wrong. That's the way I say it, it's it, it's a, it's a joke, it's a joke. Hey, girls, I'm so happy to be here today. We've been talking so much and I said we need to turn on the microphones because we have a lot to talk about today. We have brianna hi. We have shiny hello. How are you, ladies?
Speaker 1:wonderful can we start with shiny and then we'll start with you? Yeah, I know you guys haven't heard from brie in a while, so we'll get caught up with her. But right before we started recording, shiny said she I got a job.
Speaker 3:I want to know all about it where? So, as you guys know, I love to cook yes, yes and so I was struggling finding work. I've it's taken me I nine months of searching. I could have had a baby in this time, but not. So I decided that I would check out really cool places, cool spaces that I wanted to work at or I wanted to go to, because I feel like I like to go out and listen to music and eat good food, drink great coffee and a cool atmosphere.
Speaker 3:So I decided to write an email to Grounded Pound which is yes, I know exactly where that is so I have drank their drinks before and, I think, their food, because when my brother comes into town he always looks up reviews or I think it's called green tomatoes, some some review online venue that tells you what has the best reviews. And when he came back one of the times he brought me cause I wasn't feeling well, he brought me this turmeric tea, and normally we don't put turmeric in our drinks, so I was. It was questionable, but it was delicious, was it? It was really really good. And then another time he brought me back food and I thought it was questionable, but it was delicious, was it? It was really really good. And then another time he brought me back food and I thought it was really good. And I had heard through the grapevine that they do not only so it's a coffee shop in the day, but in the evening they do all kinds of really like neat events.
Speaker 1:Oh I didn't know that I've only gone in the morning. Yes, yeah, for breakfast.
Speaker 2:Yes, isn't it next to a Brewster's?
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, that's it, yes, that's it.
Speaker 3:Yes, and they do open mic, no way. They have trivia nights, they have local bands, they have comedy night.
Speaker 1:Brie, you can get up there and do your comedy. You're funny. You're funny. You guys need to see her on tiktok.
Speaker 3:She cracks it up exactly. So I thought, wow, that sounds like such a cool space yeah, right so you know coffee shop by day and and that sounds exactly like something that I would want myself, yeah, so I decided to email the owner. I looked her up and found the you know the forum to sign and I just asked. I said I'll do anything if you're hiring. And we went back and forth for a while and then I met her. I met her last week Okay.
Speaker 3:Her and her general manager. Both were lovely, and what's so cool about the owner is she was a stunt woman for Buffy and the Vampire Slayer.
Speaker 1:Really? Oh, no way, yeah, how cool. So now she's the owner of the cook shop.
Speaker 3:So what will you be doing? So I'm going to be one of the people who cook Really.
Speaker 1:Oh shiny, oh, that's amazing.
Speaker 3:This is right up your alley oh, I was so excited. She said I have to study the menu and all that, which is totally great yeah and on specials time I can introduce something of my own.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's so wonderful.
Speaker 3:I left there, I left there so happy, the vibe was wonderful. Yeah, every single person. You know how you feel, that really good energy. You know, like the barista, the manager, the person in the back, everyone was awesome.
Speaker 1:There was a time there where Kaylin and I, a few years ago, for some reason, like every week, we would go there. We bring our laptops. She would have her food, I'd eat my food and we would just sit there for like a few hours and just you know, it was I think around the time where I was starting up the podcast. I was like, you know, she was helping me with the, you know with the logo and stuff. But yeah, the vibe is very cool, but I didn't know that they did the night stuff. The vibe is very cool, but I didn't know that they did the night stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've never been there, I've just passed it, yeah, but now I will, for sure when do you start Congratulations Tomorrow I start training.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's exciting.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 3:I I'm smiling ear to ear.
Speaker 1:So I know this was like a big burden. That, yeah, yes.
Speaker 3:I had. I had wanted to work and independence, my own autonomy for myself. Yeah, because I had been out of the workplace for years and I made that decision for my kids. And everyone who knows me knows how much I am a mother first. But it's time. My kids are teenagers now and they're very independent and I'd like some of my own money.
Speaker 2:That's amazing.
Speaker 3:And I and I want to do something that I'm passionate about. So, this is a huge change for me because, as we've spoken before, culturally, I was told you know what to wear, what to study who. I spent my time with no outdoor activities. There were so many things that, coming from my strict upbringing, and slowly but surely I've been rebelling like a tiny bit and I'm a grown woman.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but when it's ingrained in you, like that it's, I'm sure it's hard to undo.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, but it's also got to feel so empowering at the same time. You know, because you're you're discovering all of these things that you like not something that you were taught to like or enjoy or want to learn, but you're discovering what you truly like and are passionate about. That's so exciting.
Speaker 3:Yes, and I was going to say earlier, earlier you were teaching us about reparenting our mind and teaching ourselves to go back to that time, and I actually use that in it as an interview answer, one of the questions that tip, cause I've been on lots of interviews, which I think I do pretty well. I think the reason I was struggling to find work was my limited availability right, because I am a mom first. But they asked a question like what is it that drives you? Or, you know, why do you want to work in this space? They all ask all those questions and one of my answers is that every day I am mindful about not just how I treat others with kindness and grace, but towards myself. Yeah, and since I have started being kinder to myself, because I can't control my first thought, but I can control my second, and when I realized that, I was telling myself yes, shiny, you can do this, there is a job out there for you. You just haven't found it yet.
Speaker 3:You'll find your right place, and that's how I felt about this place and I know, you know I I haven't even started yet and I'm you know already to to tooting my horn, to toot as you should.
Speaker 1:Well, you're gonna crush it, yeah and then there's a reason why those other ones were no's, and this is what I try to keep telling my kids. And, just in general, it's like that door was not meant for you and we get so upset, and it's okay to be upset, but let's keep it moving. Yes, god has a special place for you, and this is literally you.
Speaker 3:That place embodies who you are you get to, you get to bring out your food, you don't? You're not just stuck back there where you don't see anybody and you don't, you don't get to share with other people. And this is another way that my people get to come.
Speaker 1:I know I can't wait to come visit.
Speaker 2:Maddox likes all those fancy drinks, loves all the cool coffees and the cool teas and stuff, so he'll love that. I'll bring him Same my kids do.
Speaker 3:And I mean, how fun would it be to read or sing or do a little comedy?
Speaker 1:skit at open mic.
Speaker 2:What can I do? What can I do? Are you kidding?
Speaker 1:you're good at everything. You can read people's futures. I would be the psychic. Corinne is so funny because I sense energy like very well, and I used to think it was weird, but now I'm accepting it. Corinne's like anywhere we go she's like what do you feel about that person? I'm like it doesn't work that way. Like I have to be around like it just doesn't work that way. She's so funny, but anyways living alone.
Speaker 2:Sometimes at nighttime I get scared. I I shit you not okay. Sometimes at nighttime I get scared and I get in my head about it and I'm like no leonette says I'm gonna be somebody, so I'm gonna live right, because I'm gonna be somebody.
Speaker 1:She's gonna be somebody in this world, so I'm like I'm gonna die tonight. Yes, you are that's I.
Speaker 2:I shit you, not I. I think those thoughts, well, that's really great I'm so excited for you.
Speaker 1:I'm excited, shiny. I can't wait to come visit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, thank you, and and you know what you just said we, we are here for each other, to lift each other up, and that's what we want for all the women listening, all the people listening yeah, be excited if you don't have a group of women that get excited for your, for your success.
Speaker 1:Uh, you need to find new friends because as soon as you said it.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh my gosh, like I just oh, it's so exciting and your food is so good and creative and you're so passionate about it. I could see like curating, curating cur geez menus for them and like them coming to you and being like, hey, shiny, do you think you could whip up a dish for this event, or whatever. So that's really cool.
Speaker 1:And it could be the start of your other ideas. Yeah, the teas and stuff, of course.
Speaker 3:Of course, oh, yes, thank you.
Speaker 1:Well, I can't had a physical since 2018, not 2019. That's what it said on my shot on my charts, whoa. So yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. So I said I have to take control of my health. So I went and got blood work done and guess what? I have high cholesterol like, really high, like all of them, isn't it pre? It's Well, that's different. So there was a high cholesterol and my glucose is like literally like on the cusp of not being good. It's like the bottom number?
Speaker 3:Did you do a hemoglobin A1C?
Speaker 1:I don't know what the hell that is. I just talked to the nurse. I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2:I just got my blood drawn and they told me and I saw it on the thing and I've been waiting to talk to the nurse to see what the hell I'm supposed to do now.
Speaker 1:So no, this is what they said. So I finally talked to the nurse today because we've been playing phone tag. I have to avoid for the next few weeks. I have to avoid all white carbs, sugar and alcohol. And I have to take fish oil pills 2,000 milligrams Okay, and then I go back to get my blood retaken and I think that's a great plan.
Speaker 3:So fish oil doesn't work for me. It gives me indigestion.
Speaker 1:What the hell is that supposed to do? I was going to Google it. I haven't had the time yet.
Speaker 3:But it does work for a lot of people. Okay, and all that advice is great advice.
Speaker 1:Yes, how strict are how? How strict are they on the out? No alcohol like. How strict is that? Is it like no alcohol or just like a little bit is okay, or is it like none? Can I drink my wine with my food and I'll be okay because I can cut it out, but I need my wine.
Speaker 2:can we find a different drink for you to like with your food? Do you think I need something? Because wine is like one of the worst alcohols for you.
Speaker 1:Okay, you guys can find something for me. That's an alternative, a better alternative. What about what dad?
Speaker 2:does? You don't like the spritzers, like the Trulies. That has alcohol in it. I know, but they're to come up with the plan. You're going to find a different drink that's healthier. I can't drink water with my meal. No.
Speaker 1:And if I can't have sugar, I can't freaking drink anything else you can have like a spritzer or something so. Elsie cannot just have water with the meal.
Speaker 2:That's boring, I think trust me, I'm the alcohol expert.
Speaker 1:Yes, you are. If you guys don't know, she's an alcoholic, I'm an alcoholic.
Speaker 2:Hi, I'm Brie. Hi, I'm Brie. I'm an alcoholic. But like the spritzers and stuff, I think that they only have like 100 calories.
Speaker 1:They're very low in sugar.
Speaker 2:I just need something that's not water Because I was telling Brie. Well.
Speaker 1:I'll have a Dr Pepper. I Not water Because I was telling Brie Girl have a Dr Pepper.
Speaker 2:Well, that has sugar in it, and I don't do sodas anyways.
Speaker 1:I'm not a big soda girl. She's obsessed with Dr Pepper. Used to be my drink. I love Dr Pepper, but it's a production for me. I know for some people You've always said that yeah, to me I love. It's like a comfort thing. I sit down, I have my meal, I have my glass of wine. So I need something to replace the wine. So I can't come. No more lattes for me, shiny, so I can't come. So I think I can't have. See, I can't have these pastries on this.
Speaker 2:Well, there's always there's always a replacement. I can have tea with no sugar, even if you, even if you go to Starbucks, there options like people who have a dairy allergy there's. There's alternate, like there's alternative. Yeah, so we're gonna find you a different drink that you like. I'm sorry I can't sample it with you, but we're gonna find you a different drink that you like, okay, and you can enjoy it with your dinners but wine is terrible for you.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, but a dirty martini is dry I know, but they say, but they said no alcohol I think it's's, I think it's every in moderation.
Speaker 2:In moderation, yes, but even the wine in moderation, for your sugars and things like that is not good, okay, so I can do everything else I can stop with sugar.
Speaker 1:We already Googled all the foods that I should be eating and it's everything that I like no carbs, I can do all of that.
Speaker 2:You're a high-protein girl. You love vegetables.
Speaker 1:I can eat all that. It's the no wine thing. I know I sound like a wino, I know I'm not an alcoholic, but I like. What's wrong with that? I just like a pairing.
Speaker 2:A good glass of wine to pair with your food is my thing. So if you guys have any suggestions, please let me know. And it can be a fun adventure for you too to try different drinks. With each meal you try a different drink and see what you like, see what you don't like.
Speaker 1:Oh, I like it Like a tasting.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, okay, and making an effort to walk a little bit after the meal.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I just want to veg out on my couch and watch a show. I know I can't go walking. I love to walk, but after a meal I know, I agree.
Speaker 3:I used to always wonder why people would walk after their meal. It makes sense. All I want to do also is that. All I want to do also is that. But they say that that does like a remarkable change for our blood glucose and our.
Speaker 1:Why do you do something? That it's either that or I will just have to go on ozempic. I told Brie I'm like are they gonna say ozempic? I know well, because I haven't talked to the nurse. I'm like are they gonna prescribe ozempic now because I'm pre-diabetic? Well, that's what the paper said. When I talked to her today, she didn't even mention the glucose she was focused on the cholesterol and so she's like okay, any questions? I'm like yeah, what about my glucose? She's like oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, no sugar.
Speaker 2:And I'm like okay, the good news is for you you're not starting from scratch, like for me. I would not know where to begin, because I love carbs. I love, you know, indulging in sweets every now and then.
Speaker 1:You're a really healthy eater, that's what the people say, but obviously my blood work does not say that I am. It's the wine, it's the fucking wine, it's the wine, all right. So, anyways, that happened and I'm going to be okay, guys, absolutely, and I'll be a skinny bee because all that sugar is not going to be in my system. So that's exciting. I won't look so bloated in my face. I don't feel like you look bloated in your face. Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I'm just trying to come up with the positives of all of this, I think Victoria's Secret is going to be calling you soon. Secret's going to be calling you soon. You're going to be an angel. I love it.
Speaker 1:Oh, I always wanted to be on the runway.
Speaker 2:I have.
Speaker 1:I could totally see you. Oh my gosh. Well, anyways, I will come to your little establishment after this journey because I want to go and eat. She can come before there are things there. I'll go and I'll sit and I'll drink my water.
Speaker 3:No, they have healthy drinks in Scott too. Of course they do, okay. There's alternatives to everything, absolutely, even if you go to an ice cream shop.
Speaker 2:They have sugar-free ice creams, low-calorie ice. That sounds disgusting. I know, I'm just saying Sugar-free ice, saying I'm just saying there's alternatives everywhere you go.
Speaker 1:Yes, but honestly, to be honest, the sugar and like candy, like that kind of stuff even though I do like my sweets every now and then that's not hard. The carbs aren't hard because you can replace it with like zucchini, squash and all that kind of stuff. I'm okay with that. It's just Cauliflower pizza. I can do it. I can do that flour pizza. I can do it. I can do that a thousand percent.
Speaker 3:It's just going to be very intentional and purposeful. So well, just look, think of it that you did it. You did the blood test. Now you're aware, yeah, and I don't have to like do anything drastic.
Speaker 1:I was thinking, oh my gosh. I kept telling Bree I was joking, but um, I was like I'm going to have to be on insulin and I'm going to be on Ozempic. I don't want to have a little body with a big head. No, I'm kidding For those who are on Ozempic. It's okay, I'm not, I'm just I. The way I cope with things is humor. Same, so I'm not making fun of anybody. I'm just saying for myself like I would be terrified to like inject myself with stuff.
Speaker 3:So yeah, but you will do whatever you need to do. Yes.
Speaker 1:I will, I will, I will. But, brie, yes, we haven't talked to you in a hot minute. I know we need to like get people caught up. What's like the? You know, the summary of what's been going on in your life.
Speaker 2:Well, the last time I was here I was happily married, except I was not happy at all. It sucked. Hated being married. I'm getting a divorce Damn she went straight in.
Speaker 1:She didn't even like ease us into it, no foreplay, she just like just stuck it in there.
Speaker 2:Nothing. Um, I'm getting a divorce, yeah, um, um, I asked my husband for a divorce on mother's day of this year and I moved out. When did I move out? Uh, june, no, yeah june.
Speaker 1:I think it was the very beginning of june I moved out.
Speaker 2:I got an apartment for my two boys and I still here in petri corners. I'm never leaving petri corners, and it's been hellacious.
Speaker 1:I love how she loves Peachtree Corners so much. I love that it's home. I love it Okay.
Speaker 2:So just a tiny little backstory. So when I first started working at the office, I was exposed to, like um, I don't know how to explain it Just, I guess just Peachtree Corners in general, and just like it's a different way of life out here than where I was living at the time and the people are different, Everything is different. I love the city itself because it's very suburban, but also you can get to Atlanta very quickly and if no matter what you need whether it be a new outfit, a pair of shoes, a piece of chicken, no matter what you want.
Speaker 2:Whether it be a new outfit, a pair of shoes, a piece of chicken, no matter what you want, you can get it within five minutes from where I live. So I love Peachtree Corners and I think that when you um as young as I was and you're exposed to a place in, like my role models at the time, like my dad or Dr Talley and Leonette um, and stuff like that, you kind of see their way of life and you gravitate towards that, and so I wanted to be, like you know, live in Peachtree Corners. So that's always been a dream of mine. So that's the only good thing that came out of my marriage besides my son, um, so I'm still here in Peachtree Corners and I am separated. I'm gonna get the ball rolling on divorce you also were looking for a job.
Speaker 2:I was looking for a job and I am in the interview process. Just go get it though. Yeah, I hope so. It's your third Tomorrow's my third interview. It's an in-person interview. It's for a sales position for a home and remodeling company. They were like number 14 in Fortune magazine for top places to work and it's a very sought after company. They have like 250,000 applicants a year and my first year I could make six figures.
Speaker 1:So and this chick. See, I told her this kind of job would stress me out because I'm not a salesperson. That would be the very bottom thing that I would ever want to do was sell anything to anybody. But this chick is like she can sell anything to anybody anywhere. Like, seriously, Thank you, Like so I'm so excited for you. I'm excited.
Speaker 2:It's a lot of face-to-face interaction, which is what I love. Like when I worked at the practice, I could never be one of those people that sat in an office or sat behind the wall or anything like that. I love face-to-face interaction. It seems like a wonderful company to work for.
Speaker 1:The hours are great, they're conducive with my schedule, with my boys and the money is really good and, for example, so right when you moved out, you did work at a dealership.
Speaker 2:I did. I worked at a car dealership.
Speaker 1:She literally just walked in and said, hey, I need a job, and they literally hired her on the spot.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And they said what to you? That your first car you'll sell.
Speaker 2:They said that it would take me. It would take me. It was like three months. No yeah, it was like 90 days to sell my first car and I sold nine while I was there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And not to toot my own horn, but I just I love that. It's like a challenge. Every day is like a new. You can set your own goals. I love the idea of um, an uncapped commission, and you know that sort of thing, so I'm really excited about it. And if I were to get this position and I and I was making that kind of money, I could buy a home for my boys and I, which is one of my biggest goals In Peachtree Corners In Peachtree Corners, of course. Okay, so yeah. So that's, I have my final interview tomorrow, and everything that they've said so far has been really uplifting and really encouraging and has led me to believe that I'm already their number one employee. I love that.
Speaker 1:I love the confidence, me too I love it, I love it.
Speaker 2:No, but I'm excited about it. So my three-year plan is I'm going to buy a home. I've started going to church recently. Yeah, I'm discovering my relationship with God has always been very spotty, but I needed something bigger than myself. I needed something bigger than my shitty ass marriage. I needed something bigger than even my boys. Like, my kids are my whole entire life, they're my world, they're you know, everything I do is revolves around them, no matter what it is. I just needed something bigger, like my soul craves something bigger. And so I'm on a path journey, if you will, to kind of find out where I stand in my relationship with God.
Speaker 2:And it's honestly this time cause I've gone to church in the past before. I've gone, you know, to church with the tallies. I've gone to church with friends and, um, there's been times of desperation that I've prayed and stuff like that, and it's always been kind of like easy, like I just go, I just go to church, I have a good time, I hear the message, it sounds great. This time has been difficult and part of me believes it's been difficult because I'm truly invested, like I want to know. I want, I want to know everything and, um, I'm questioning everything. So yeah, I've gone to church every Sunday for the past month, except this past Sunday. I didn't go.
Speaker 1:I watched it online, but you're still consuming, like the information I am, yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's a part of my like everyday life now, which is odd, Like I have moments. So my relationship with prayer was always holy shit, something really bad is happening. Let's pray to God, because that's what people say that you're supposed to do, right? So I'd be like God, please help me, like crying, or I'd be like I know I don't talk to you enough, but like right now I need you and I promise I'll pray.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll pray until the next catastrophe.
Speaker 2:Right until the next catastrophe. But there's been small situations in the past couple of months where I'm like, dang, I think that was a God moment, like, is this what they talk about? I think that was a God moment. Or even bad times where I'm like I think that was a devil moment, you know.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's where I'm at. That's wonderful. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm so excited for you, brie, because the fact that you can openly say that you're an alcoholic and I know we're laughing about it, brie, and I joke about sad things- All the things you shouldn't joke about. We're talking about her divorce and how tragic it is, and then we'll just make some stupid joke and laugh.
Speaker 3:So that's just the way we cope with things Isn't, it is, and then we'll just make some stupid joke and laugh yeah, that's just the way we cope with things. It's an easy defense mechanism. Yes, that's ours.
Speaker 2:This divorce has honestly broken me, yeah, I would say, more than anything else ever has I have. I had this whole idea of what being married was supposed to be and what I wanted you know being married to be, and would tell people like, yeah, I'm doing it right this time. I got married and then I had a baby and I have this wonderful husband and, like behind closed doors, everything was shit, like I just it felt so good to feel I'm using air quotes normal. It felt so good for my kids to have a normal life. It felt so good for the people who loved me to not have to worry about me because I was stable and I was married and all of these things. But, um, I was. I was hiding how, how unhealthy and toxic and evil my marriage was, and it's the same with my alcoholism. I hid it for so long and sick secrets keep you sick. I genuinely believe that, um, and so, yeah, I'm. I'm very open about it now I'm an alcoholic.
Speaker 1:Um and it is it is.
Speaker 2:It's, it's not I joke about it. Like Leonette said, I joke about it, but it is. It's such a heavy thing to bear. It really is. It's, um, because it is a part of who I am. And if you don't, if you don't like something about yourself you know, even like physically, if you don't like your nose, you go get a nose job. If you don't like this, you change it. Um, being an out, being an alcoholic is something that you could never, ever change, and that's a hard thing to grasp, especially at such a young age I was. I mean, I went to rehab for the first time when I was 26, maybe 27.
Speaker 1:I don't remember how old I was. I think I. No, I was like 24, something like that.
Speaker 2:I was young, too young to be going rehab, yeah, um, so it in. You know, when you think about a young, single 24 year old, that's what they do they drink. Every social thing is drinking, everything is surrounded around drinking. So I was in um, a stage of denial for so long and then, when, when something bad would happen or I would feel internal pain or like this mental heaviness, that's what I would turn to was alcohol, because it made me not feel all of that anymore. And I think that once I I relapsed a few months ago back in right after my divorce. I relapsed Well ago, back in right after my divorce.
Speaker 1:I relapsed. Well, you're not divorced yet, you're still married, I know, right after my separation.
Speaker 2:It was June. I like to pretend that it's over. No, it was before you, it was May.
Speaker 1:It was before you left the house. It was before I left the house. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And it wasn't as bad Like. I only drank for a couple of days and, and you know, leonette can attest that when I drink I drink.
Speaker 1:Um but this time.
Speaker 2:This time it wasn't as bad. I, I, I was kind of able to catch myself. Um, and I'm just man, it's such a tired life to live.
Speaker 2:Like, and the pretending I'm so tired of pretending, I'm ready to just take off the mask and so, um, that's that it is a part of who I am and I either be proud of it or I suffer from it. Um, and not necessarily proud of it, but I own it. I guess is a better thing to say Like I own it or I suffer from it. Um, I own it or it owns me, I'm so proud.
Speaker 1:No, I really am proud of you. And the only input because you know, you and I talk a lot all the time, almost every day this little nugget. I don't like to talk on the phone, but there's certain people that I can just talk to Shiny, you're one of them. Sometimes Shiny will be driving and she'll call me, but there's certain people that I can just talk with for hours and you two are one of them. But we've been talking a lot and I'm just so proud of what you're doing and I know it's hard. I mean, we talk about the hard stuff and just keep focusing on yourself. That's what I keep telling you Focus on yourself and focus on your boys and everything else will work out. And I hate that. There's certain people in your life that will throw your alcoholism in your face like as an insult or as a my husband. I wasn't trying to name names, he didn't say his name. We tried to specify who, but they throw it in your face as like an insult or to hurt you, it's weaponized, it is.
Speaker 1:And it's frustrating because I don't know.
Speaker 2:I have my opinions on that because it's an insecurity and they know that it hurts me.
Speaker 1:You know, take your biggest insecurity and they say it as an insult, but yet they don't do anything to really help the situation, if that makes sense. Like they're not doing, anything.
Speaker 2:Well, because when I'm drinking I'm weak. Yeah, and some people like to keep me weak, yeah, and so, of course, they wouldn't want to fix it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because sweet grief is easy grief. I think also it's intimidating that you have the courage not only to recognize what you were doing but to make it better.
Speaker 2:Thank you, it's honestly, it's been a long road Like it hasn't been.
Speaker 2:It hasn't just been like, oh, I think I have a drinking problem, let me quit Like there's been. It's been so many bumps and so many setbacks and so many and, and the shame and the guilt is the worst part of it all. I have so much shame, I have so much guilt. You know, you guys know that I grew up, you know I was raised not raised, actually, sorry mom Um, they were your parents. Yeah, my parents are both, are both addicts and you know, my sister died of a drug overdose and so, um, drugs and alcohol are so prominent in my family, it's in my DNA, it really is. But it's such a shameful thing and it's so taboo and it's it.
Speaker 2:I have suffered from so much guilt and so having my parents, you know, in the state that they were in growing up made me, you know, as an alcoholic. It made it, put me in that place. I, in my mind, I'm like, oh, I'm just like my mom. I'm like, oh, I'm just like my mom, I'm just like my dad, I'm just like my mom, but I'm out here fighting like hell to where you know, so that my boys can't grow up and say the same thing and, um, you know, making sure that they they have a childhood that they don't have to recover from or they don't have to heal from in the same way that I have, is my number one priority.
Speaker 1:Um so, I'm doing great. I mean, you're incredible. Oh my God, Thank you. And we tell her that cause that's such a young age for you just to just get it. I know it's hard. I know you're going through it right now and you sound amazing, but I know, behind closed doors you're. You know it's been very, very hard, but for you to figure this, out, I know, and a day I know and people don't make it easy for you.
Speaker 1:So it just if people could just back the hell off I'm. I am like, I'm such a protector when I love somebody that I literally have to stop myself, yeah, from like putting inserting myself, because I have many words to say to many people, not just one, or two. There's a few of them out there that I just want to tell them like it is, but I know that's not going to do anything, but I want you so badly.
Speaker 2:So anytime I know you call me yeah.
Speaker 1:I'll be there. We don't live that far away from each other.
Speaker 2:The issue is that you're too smart for them. I know, no matter what you said they would be like, first of all, they would probably receive it, because there are certain people in my life that are intimidated by you. They should.
Speaker 1:Thank you and you're welcome.
Speaker 2:And so they would probably receive it, but then it would just be used as oh well, leonette's coming. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, no, we were getting our nails done yesterday and we were talking about this kind of stuff and I'm like nobody tests me like that. I'm like I'm waiting for someone just to be like I wish they would. I wake up every morning Like I wish someone would. Because we've talked about this, because we?
Speaker 3:we have dealt with the same similar people. Yeah, and you would. You've asked me why does that person say that to you?
Speaker 1:But they don't say it. They would never, they would never.
Speaker 3:I think that that's wonderful. Is it because they know I'll throat punch them? I'm not really going to do it, but you accept. I think you are no nonsense which I love about you. You're a rock. You're strong.
Speaker 1:Well, it's been 40, how old am I? 44 years in the making. I wasn't always this way.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, it's not even a quantity right, that's true. I feel like my growth has been slow and then it's sped into like it really did, so it's just recognizing, like you did. If you can name it, you can tame it, yeah, so just the fact that I like that, the fact that you can you're saying it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, because I would say that the other coping mechanism, besides you guys saying that you laugh. We do laugh a lot Is denial, yeah, denial is a strong one, it is true, and alcohol is a very socially acceptable.
Speaker 2:Oh, a million percent Addiction. It's not like meth Meth I'd have to search for.
Speaker 1:This shit, I can't go get a piece of garlic bread without finding it.
Speaker 2:Okay, yes, you can say, hey, I'm gonna go pick up, I can't go get a smoothie without them being like do you want it spiked?
Speaker 3:no, yes, yeah I agree, yeah, and, and we're in a, we're in a time, or just society itself, when we're all hanging out, the one person who doesn't take the drink, yeah is questioned yeah, yeah it is.
Speaker 2:And actually recently I had somebody tell me because I was invited to go out for drinks and I'm like, no, I don't drink. And they're like everybody who doesn't drink has a story, and I was like, okay, bob, yeah, I have a story, but I'm not going to tell you that and that's just like it is, but it's true. It's true If somebody says they don't drink, it's not because they're watching their freaking cholesterol, it's because they've been in a college for 10 years.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean? Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 3:That's a good one. It's like Leanna. Why aren't you?
Speaker 1:drinking. My cholesterol is really high. I'm going to use that. Cholesterol's really high. I'm going to use that. And my glucose is borderline pre-diabetic. Sorry guys, I just had my blood test. Yeah, I'm going to use that. And they're braced next to me and they're like why aren't you drinking? I'm an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic. Is your cholesterol high too? No, but I'm sure you've been.
Speaker 3:I've been in this situation, you know, way back when I didn't take the drink. Everyone was taking a shot of something somewhere and I didn't take the drink.
Speaker 1:and everyone's like Shani's pregnant and I hadn't announced it yet, like years ago, and you were pregnant.
Speaker 3:Yes, I was, but I remember thinking oh my goodness I should have just taken it and threw it over my shoulder.
Speaker 1:Yes, we know people that do stuff like that. Just throw it over the shoulder.
Speaker 2:Not me.
Speaker 3:You drink it, take it and run and drink it and you make sure every little drop is in your system.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I interrupted you, and if you don't want yours, I'll take yours too.
Speaker 1:No, I was going to say why don't we just smoke?
Speaker 2:We just pass the joint, listen okay, when are we going to legalize that in Georgia? So am I allowed to talk about that? Let's do it. We can talk about whatever the hell we want. So so this time around has been the easiest being sober has ever been.
Speaker 2:I think that there are a lot of factors that go into it. I think number one I've accepted it. I'm no longer a closet alcoholic. I am. The cashier at Walmart knows I'm an alcoholic like. I just don't give a shit. Who knows anymore, um. And so I think there are a lot of factors, obviously my kids being probably the number one thing. Like I'm so driven to make sure that they have a good and healthy mom, um, and then also, like a little part of it is out of spite, like the people who are in my life like mentally beating the shit out of me. I'm like you watch bitch, um, but but uh, so I have, I've, I've found these like cbd drinks and because a lot, of, a lot of it for me is, um, it's kind of like the, the act of doing it as well, like you have something that you look forward to every night and no matter how hard your day is and no matter how and I know this is taboo. To talk about it like, oh well, you shouldn't, you shouldn't need a vice?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we do. We all have it. I don't give a crap.
Speaker 2:I need something to look for. I'm in the middle of a divorce, okay.
Speaker 1:I'm overcoming childhood drama.
Speaker 2:I'm a single mom to two boys. I have a toddler. That's enough right. And so I do Like. I like my vices. My vice because I only have one Well, reality TV. So I found these CBD drinks and that has changed the game for me because I have it's the same effect. You feel that lightness and that relaxed and that almost tipsy feeling.
Speaker 2:So for me, the type of alcoholic I am, I am a completely non-functioning alcoholic. When I drink I cannot function. I might drink at a social event and, you know, have a good time, be the life of the party, and then I'm gonna go home and drink until I pass out, like I just cannot function with alcohol. I mean me and alcohol just you don't love each other.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, I loved him.
Speaker 2:He ate it up, um, so, so, but with the CBD drink. So it's, it's a spritzer, just like you know what a truly would be, or whatever. So at nighttime I put my kids to bed and I have my spritzer and it's um, you know CBD. I buy it at the like, the little uh vape store right by my apartment. Um, and it gives me all of the same feelings, like I feel relaxed, I feel optimistic, I enjoy my TV much more. I, you know, I'm not, um, I'm not like a stress eater. When I'm stressed out, I have a struggle to eat, um, and that's been kind of a hard thing for me throughout all of this, but I'm able to. I wish I couldn't eat when I was stressed.
Speaker 2:I'm the opposite it, it, it's bad yeah, it's bad um, but it helps me to eat you're like nelly, my mom. Yeah, that's why you guys are so little um, but so at night time, like I'll cook my kids dinner and feed them dinner, and then at night, like after they go to bed, I have my little spritzer and I'll either you, you know cook something for myself, or it's just it's so I drink them too, and they are, and you don't feel it's not a drunk feeling.
Speaker 2:It's like a chill. It's a chill feel and then when you, let's just legalize the shit all over the place, but it's legal here.
Speaker 3:It is legal here because it has, a Don't come at me.
Speaker 1:No, no, it's all over. I mean, it's all over us. Even though marijuana is not, or cannabis whatever we want to call it is not legal. There's doses of it that you can buy.
Speaker 2:That you can buy. I think it's like under 10 grams or 6 milligrams, I don't know.
Speaker 1:So it's all very legit.
Speaker 2:And my thing is like, if we can go buy alcohol, then why can't we go buy this stuff and not be ashamed of it? We all know what it feels like to wake up after a night of drinking, right, whether you only had two drinks or whether you had 20, it's a shitty feeling. You feel groggy, you feel slow, you feel unmotivated, you feel foggy you need to be the sponsor for like uh the advertiser for for this drink.
Speaker 1:Yes, hit me up if you hear this, because you're selling it. I want to buy some crescent nine.
Speaker 2:I am your girl, um yeah but it's just, it is it's the best thing. So I think I honestly and not to like glorify another vice, but I'm glorifying another vice like I hate, how taboo it is. Like anybody. They're not anybody, but there's been a few people who I explain this to like in replacement of alcohol and they're like well, that's just another vice okay, susan, I don't give a shit, but there's people that exercise the shit out of their days, and that, to me, is a vice.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry I don't care if it's seen as healthy food yeah, phone social media there are so many vices watching tv that's my other people's vice, mine too, gosh, I love my tv don't take that well we've talked about this when there are a lot of people that feel comforted when they're judging someone else. Oh, a thousand percent.
Speaker 2:And another thing too, just to touch on that again the social part of it. So, as a young alcoholic, I just turned 30. Part of it. So, as a young alcoholic um, I just turned 30 and as a young alcoholic it is, um, it's very uncomfortable, and not because, like I, I want people to drink around me, because I, I never want to be the reason somebody doesn't do what they typically would do. You know, just cause I'm around, that makes me feel awkward. And then you're turning my problem into everybody's problem. Like, I just hate that. And so, like, socially, if I'm going to a social event and people are able to drink, I bring my little spritzer and I still feel like a part of it.
Speaker 3:And like I don't know, I think that that is so true, and this is completely not completely, but a little different. I remember Oprah saying that she wanted to cut back on coffee, her caffeine intake, but what she really was craving when she realized it was this warm cup in a mug and how comforting it is in the morning.
Speaker 1:A million percent, yeah.
Speaker 3:So she realized she needed, whatever her replacement was, that it still was served in that mug and that you know it was warm and comforting. I feel the same way about what? Because I, I, I know people who struggle with addiction and I think my problem that I I had to, I had to have a a small reaction to, was being still inclusive. Yeah, to the person who doesn't drink, cause I remember someone asking oh, this person doesn't drink, do they still want to come? And I said yes, just like I said to you, I still want you to come and we'll figure it out.
Speaker 1:I can't eat anything Cause I'm kidding, I'm making jokes.
Speaker 3:I know I can't find something. We'll figure out what makes work, because it's the same thing with you. Know my lateness.
Speaker 1:I want whoever's there say it's a dinner.
Speaker 3:I want everybody to start eating or drinking and having a great time, and I will come in. Think of it the other way if every single person in at the party or at the dinner is waiting on you, that doesn't make you feel good when you're in the door.
Speaker 1:You feel like a burden you feel. Well, it doesn't feel good for the people waiting. It's like I got here on time, why we got away from the late person I would say it feels.
Speaker 3:It feels bad on both sides yeah you can't say oh, we're just waiting for you, so that's the polite thing to do, that we all start to be together. No, I think there's no formalities. Yeah, that's a good analogy when we're together, we think of each other, and I'm not going to be offended if you already started eating or you started drinking or whatever it is you're eating or drinking, because really the whole reason we're together is to be together.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And there should be no judgment on if Leonette's on a diet we're not going to call her out on it.
Speaker 1:It's called the lifestyle Shiny. I don't believe in diets. I believe in lifestyle change.
Speaker 2:I feel comforted when people drink around me. Yeah, because it makes me feel like I'm not hindering what they would want to do, or something that they would do on average, like to accommodate my alcoholism.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. It makes you feel more included, that they feel comfortable to be themselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a burden.
Speaker 1:Well, can we talk about your mom? Do you think she would be okay? Yeah, it's a burden. Well, can we talk?
Speaker 2:about your mom? Do you think she would be okay? No, yeah. So whenever I told her I was coming here today to record, she was like when is Leanna going to help me write my book? Oh yeah, she wants to write a book.
Speaker 1:Shani.
Speaker 3:Oh, you know, I do too.
Speaker 1:So let's like have writing sessions or something. Maybe we just we'll brainstorm, maybe just start writing facts down and then we can do the words.
Speaker 3:I'm not a writer like that, though you can read some of your pieces at Open Mic Night.
Speaker 1:But, no this is since we're talking about being open and we're making changes. So her mom just graduated from. What did we call it Drug?
Speaker 2:court.
Speaker 3:Okay, explain what it is.
Speaker 1:Because I was invited and we went. What was it Friday? Friday morning. There's a lot of drama that went with it, but we'll start with the positive. Come back next week and find out what happens in drunk court. It goes from us wanting to celebrate Brianna's mom to something very traumatic happening while we're there. Also, we talk about our children, about gun control and gun violence. Gun control and gun violence and you will be here to witness a woman's brain and how we go from a very serious conversation and serious topic to us being silly. And yeah, a woman's brain is very complicated, as you all know. So have a wonderful rest of your week and we will see you next time. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to Virago 24-7. If you haven't done so already, go ahead and hit that subscribe button and please give us five star ratings. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram, at Virago247, and on Facebook, at Virago247. And just connect with us and share your story. We'd love to hear from you.
