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Virago 24/7
Virago 24/7 is a podcast that brings women from all walks of life together. Host, Lyanette Talley, invites everyday women to talk about a variety of topics such as, marriage, divorce, children, friendships, self-love, self-care and really anything affecting our lives and our world. Conversations with friends are what help us feel like we are not alone. Virago 24/7 brings these conversations to you! A Virago is a woman who demonstrates heroic qualities. The original meaning is Latin for “female warrior.” The numbers 24/7 remind us that we are female warriors all day every day! Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors.
Virago 24/7
Barefoot and Braless
What if you could transform your life simply by choosing better friendships? We’re sharing our personal journeys of reevaluating relationships and understanding the true essence of authentic connections. Shiney and I explore the emotional complexities of letting go of toxic friendships and the empowering feeling of surrounding ourselves with uplifting people. From heartfelt anecdotes to moments of honest reflection, we reveal the significance of setting boundaries and embracing the natural evolution of relationships.
As the whirlwind of 2024 sweeps us into new routines and unexpected changes, we talk about adaptability and finding balance in the chaos. Whether it’s diving into yoga or navigating the back-to-school season, we discuss how these shifts have impacted our personal growth and relationships. We delve into the nuances of friendship dynamics, particularly the tricky process of deciding when to cut ties. Through candid stories, we emphasize the importance of direct communication and honesty to foster healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Building genuine friendships is more than just finding like-minded individuals; it’s about creating safe spaces where vulnerability and authenticity are welcomed. Shiney and I share the joy of supportive conversations and the transformative power they hold. From managing lateness with a touch of humor to the serious realization that true friends value you for who you are, our discussion is a heartfelt celebration of growth, empowerment, and the irreplaceable value of genuine friendships. Join us as we navigate this journey and invite you to connect with your own stories of friendship and self-discovery.
Go to my website virago247.net for all things Virago 24/7
You can email me at virago247podcast@gmail.com
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
What's up, my fellow Viragos? I am so happy to be here. Today's show will be with actually with Shiney, but first I just wanted just to let you all know that the show today that you are about to hear is about friendships, and not just friendships. Shiny and I wanted to talk about this because we have evolved in the last few years, like we're just in a place where we don't want to tolerate any shit from anybody and we're done faking and we're done acting and like we're okay with certain things and the way people speak, um and act. And I think we have been in the tolerant stages of our lives and moving forward as we've grown and, um, have come to certain terms with who we want to surround ourselves, with the people that we want to fill our cups with, and deciding that those people that have been around for so long, that just don't really belong in our world anymore, that it's okay to let them go. So this conversation is something that we've had one-on-one and so let's talk about it. Maybe other people are going through it or maybe other people feel like, oh, just because I've known this person for so long, well, now I'm stuck with them forever, even though they don't bring me joy, or even though I leave a situation with them feeling more deflated or empty or you know, and you just feel like, well, nothing big has happened to warrant me. You know, to push them away or call our friendship quits, but realizing that it is okay to do that, it's okay to say you know what, it's been fun. This worked for me in my 20s, in my teens, in my 30s, whatever the case may be. It doesn't work for me right now and a lot of us stay the same. We don't grow. Some of us are all growing, but we're just growing in different directions and that's okay. So today's conversations is about friendships the kind of friendships that we want around us, the kind that we don't want around us and allowing ourselves to be okay with letting things go and being at peace with it, because we're getting older and we don't have to put up with other people's bullshit, as I said before. So enjoy today's show about friends letting go, keeping the ones that we love dearly, and just knowing that moving forward. We only want to surround ourselves with certain people, so enjoy around ourselves with certain people, so enjoy.
Speaker 1:Hi, I am your host, nette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24-7. Virago is Latin for female warrior and 24-7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with Everyday Warriors. Hello everyone, we are gathered here today because I told you I'd be back with some recordings and here I am with the one, the only, shani. Sorry if I hurt your ears. Oh, wait, wait, let me do that again because I interrupted you. Shani, yo yo yo, I'm here. Yay, what it is.
Speaker 2:What it is. It's been a while and I'm so happy to be back. Oh my gosh, I'm so happy to have you back.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I've seen Shiney, so it's not like I haven't seen her, but you guys are just seeing her for the first time, or hearing her for the first time, and we're so happy, I'm so happy.
Speaker 2:I'm so happy.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy to be back. I've been MIA. I let the people know what's been going on with me last week, so now I'm ready to like continue with my peeps and talk about shit.
Speaker 2:And that's okay, because you're living life. That's what we're doing Exactly, and now that you're back, everyone's so excited. I hope so. High five listeners.
Speaker 1:Hello, hello, we're happy to be back. So Shiney, what's?
Speaker 2:going on with you so much. It's 2024. The year is flying. It really is, I mean, summer's over. Our kids are in school. Yeah, some people are really happy. I mean, I think all of us are happy.
Speaker 1:Well, this is what I was saying on last week's podcast that I've been in my bubble, in my little sad, ever-changing bubble. It wasn't one thing, it was a few things that happened, you know, over the months where I was like, if that happened by itself, I can handle it. But then this happened. So you know, I've been emotional. But then when I looked up and realized, hey, leonette, there are other people around you, I've realized that a lot of people are going through a transition period, a lot of people are going through a change period, and so I'm not alone. No, you are not alone, I'm here with you. I am here with you. We've been drinking a few, didn't notice. We've had one bottle of I don't know what it is, it just says classic dry white wine. And then this one is like a rosé, but it's in a different language.
Speaker 2:We had a fabulous day. It's been good. We were just rolling with the day.
Speaker 1:Well, there were some compression, so so our, our afternoon did not go as planned, which that's how I prefer my life to be. It's just, you have one way that you want things to end up, but God has other other things that he wants you to go through. But yeah, absolutely. We were supposed to record like six hours ago, yes, but here we are six hours later, and I think that that's just an avenue of life right, yes.
Speaker 2:We just we can't go every way that we plan to.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:We have to be able to switch directions when we need to. That's right and that to be able to switch directions when we need to.
Speaker 1:That's right and that's what I'm learning. So, now that I'm out of my bubble, my funk we are here and we'll talk about many things in the next coming months, because there's a lot to talk about, but today we will talk about purging people from your life. We've been talking a lot about friendship, hiny and I, so we've been doing yoga. Yeah, gosh, I'm a little bit more bendy. I've been flexible, so Shiny's been doing it for a while. Yes, and if y'all have been listening to me, yoga has never been my thing until recently, and I really, really, really, really like it.
Speaker 2:Yes, I love it.
Speaker 1:I think you just have to have your mind set to it. My mind wasn't ready a few years ago and I feel like now I'm ready for something calming and soothing. And I mean, it's not really soothing while you're in it, while you're doing it, but when you're done it's wonderful.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I feel like the place we go to has every type of yoga. It has sexy yoga, it has badass yoga, it has steamy hot yoga.
Speaker 1:Yes, where the sweat is just dripping down our bodies. Yes, that one's really hard actually. It sounds real sexy when I say it, but that kicks your ass.
Speaker 2:Yes, and you leave there feeling like you can conquer anything, and I feel like that's how you should feel after a good workout.
Speaker 1:That's right. So we've been you know, her and I have been hanging out and we've been talking about certain things and just how we're ready in this time in our lives to just surround ourselves with just like amazing people that are going to lift us and help us move forward in our lives. And I sent you a quote and I don't have my phone on me, but I sent you something and I was like huh, cause you all know, you guys all know that I have cut off some friendships throughout the years and people that have been in my life for many, many years that just you know, just I don't want to say serve you anymore because that sounds very harsh. But I feel, like I've said before, like there's a season for everybody and there's a reason. There's a season and there's a lifetime. So we've been really talking about certain people that have been in our lives and I sent this thing to Shiny the other day because I read it and I was like oh, is that me? Do I need to self-reflect? Because I don't think I'm perfect, anything that I can do better in my life? I want to.
Speaker 1:But I sent her a thing. It says a friend who becomes an enemy after a little misunderstanding, has been an enemy all along. I can't see, let me read it again. Okay, a friend who becomes an enemy after a little misunderstanding has been an enemy all along. They were just pretending. So I was like, well, was I just pretending when I had my friends or was it real? I don't think I ever came into anything thinking I'm someone's enemy or that they're my enemy. And Shiny was like we need to talk about this on the podcast. And every time we went for a walk the other day and it's like we're talking about friends and like people that we don't deem to be our friends anymore, we need to talk about this on the podcast. So, shiny, what have you been holding for us?
Speaker 2:Well, I was going to say, when you sent me that quote, I thought it was interesting and I wrote you back saying I wouldn't be quick to be an enemy to a real friend. So I didn't really understand it fully, um, because I can't even think of myself that way, because of of the way I am. I feel like I approach every friendship, um, you know, truly and and try to be, you know, go deeply with it, but when I realize, um, that it's hit, it's, I was going to say what it was to. What you were saying earlier is perhaps we outgrow some people. Um, as we get older, our friendships are so different in this age group or this phase of our lives, as as mothers, as women, as wives, as you know. And as we get older, I feel like we our needs are are different too. Versus when we were kids, it was easy, I mean, and I would think that actually, a high schooler would probably say it's not right. They would say it's different, but it's easy, meaning it's small fries, yeah, it's small fries, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I feel like, as we get older, there's a lot of judgment towards the things that we do.
Speaker 2:It could be our marriages, the way we parent, the way we run our household, so many things, and I feel like that gets in the way of the friendship, and unnecessarily, because really a friend is a friend, no matter how you parent, how you are in your relationships, how you live your life. The friendship should be nonjudgmental. That's how I feel and that's really how I try to carry myself, because who am I to judge? But unfortunately, I feel for myself I've entered, or I have been in a phase of my life where friendship has been harder for me and I have always said you and I have talked about this because you've said this to me before that I always felt like friendship was something that came easy to me. God it's, it really is God's gift to me. I have had the same friendships from high school to childhood, you know, from college, Like I feel like once I make a friend and it's, it's, it's really last, it lasts, it's everlasting. It happened today.
Speaker 1:So we were supposed to record. And then we you all know Brianna. So Brianna has been on the show multiple times, so she texts me. She's like hey, I just need to be around you and talk to you about something. I was like, sure, come over, Shining's coming over. So the three of us sat and we chatted. But I was like, hey, I have something at five. And so this was around two, around three o'clock. I'm like I have a facial that I booked, so you're all welcome to come over, let's record. But I got to be somewhere at five. So we got in deep conversation and here comes five o'clock rolling around. So Briana's like, oh, I got to go pick up my son. I said, shiny, you're coming with me.
Speaker 1:So I go to this place called the ice box and it's where you freeze. You go into like this, it's like a refrigerator, but yeah, that's like a refrigerator, big and it's cold. It's real cold in there. I don't know how cold it is, but it's really cold and I haven't been in there in a while. But you go in there for like three minutes and it's supposed to help with any ailments you have. It's supposed to help with your mind, spirit, body, soul, all the things. But then they have these chairs. It's compression, my gosh. And they put these big old boots on your legs and they squeeze your legs right. It's amazing.
Speaker 1:So I said, shiny, while I'm getting my facial, you can sit, because I was getting a mini facial. I'm like it'll be 30 minutes, you can sit in the chair. You could get squeezed and we were running late. So I walked in the girl that normally helps with a customer. So I went to the back and got my facial. I'm like she'll take good care of you.
Speaker 1:By the time I got out, shiny and her are like literally besties. They exchanged phone numbers, they are going to have lunch together, dinners and celebrate birthdays and probably anniversaries, and she probably set you up on, you know, on dates and stuff. I was just like what is happening? And it was 30 minutes. Guys, I was gone for 30 minutes, maybe 35. And she already made a new best friend at the icebox and that's the kind of person shiny is. So you're so right about that because literally happened today and she's like so the girl you know knows who I am. She's like Leannette. She's the best I'm like I know. That's why she's my friend. She's amazing. Thank you for bringing her in, and it was all because I was like, hey, we got to go so we can come back and record it was it was. It just shows that you that's, you're not wrong Like people gravitate to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you so much for saying that. I, um, I truly believe that the reason I have such wonderful good friends in my life is because you have to be a good friend to have good friends, and I feel like this is a topic I've always wanted to talk about because I feel like in our phase of life, there are so many women and people you know struggling for friendship and I'm sure you've read this or heard this on a video that the number one way for you know to increase our longevity is connection, and that makes complete sense. It's the people in our lives that keep it full. You know, it's not the home we live in or the places we've been or how much money you have.
Speaker 1:It's happy people make a happy home, and I truly feel very, very blessed for my friendships, and I mean, I feel that about you, I feel like that's what we have in common is that I know we both feel very blessed, um, with the wonderful friendships and the and the variety of friendships that we have, um, and we've we've talked about this before, um, but there are people that come into your lives and I know so many famous people say this but for a season, for a reason and for a lifetime, is has taken its time that that we just walk away with, with thankfulness, you know, and so you know, a lot of the things that I've struggled with, that I honestly come to terms with is when you've had relationships for so long and then they just abruptly end, or or or maybe they're not abrupt, maybe there's certain things that have led up to that, and it's just like, yeah, you're not my friend anymore, but you were at one point such good buddies or good friends and realizing so when shiny and I were walking the other day, it was basically, you know, us trying to digest or dissect, because shiny, I've seen listen, I'm seeing a different kind of shiny, because she is not the hiney that I met.
Speaker 1:This girl's like not blocked, not, I'm done. I was like, well, damn, here I am analyzing Am I being a good friend Cause I cut this person off, or I'm done with this person, and she's like nope Next, nope next. I said now you sound like LT, because this is how? No, for real. So do you mind we don't have to name names, but do you mind if I share some stories about why we even started talking about this?
Speaker 2:I feel like I've got you're right. I I feel like I've gone, you're right, I feel like I was a little baby. Listen, she's got a hard core.
Speaker 1:So I better watch myself, because one false move and she'll be. I'll be calling shiny and I'm blocked. You're right, I was like well, damn.
Speaker 2:No, you know I think that and you know that and that was my whole thought process. Know that I think and that that's that was my whole thought process for a long time. I always thought that because I knew how to be a friend and I really knew like I felt, like I knew the, I feel like I had figured out the fruit of a friendship, um and that, and that you know friendship and that, and that you know that we see the good in people. So I felt that many times, if I met someone who struggled with friendship or struggled with, you know, making friends, that I would somehow show them how to be a friend and that by modeling that behavior and being a good friend to them, you know, if they didn't have, like, a really good friend, that that's what I would do. You know, I would be that for them.
Speaker 2:And what I realized over time, cause it this lesson. I realized I have to, um, learn a lesson I didn't. Actually I don't learn the lesson. I have to go through it quite a few times to actually learn the lesson, um, but I've learned it now, that, um, not everyone's meant to be my friend, um, and, and that's okay, and I'm not the right person for everybody, you know I. I may not be the right fit for for everyone, you know. That's why certain people click and certain people don't, and also I. What I did learn my lesson is when show, when. When Maya Angelou says when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Yeah, so I had to learn the hard way Multiple times.
Speaker 1:Well, like recently, we have a mutual friend and so shiny and I were hanging out in the springtime we and then you know, summer comes and we're busy and all the things. So I hadn't seen Shine in a few months and you know she's going through a big transition period right now and I knew that. But I didn't know all the details that have transpired since the summer, since I saw her in May. So a mutual friend was inquiring about that. So I'm the kind of person that I like me myself a little gossip, but I don't like gossip like that. So if we are all saying that we're friends, then I should be able to come to shiny and said, hey, this is what I'm feeling, this is what I'm seeing, no offense, but this is what I'm observing and say it to her directly, not go to this person over here and say something without shiny knowing. So I prefer to be honest. Or guess what? If I can't be honest with that person, I just keep my mouth shut and I don't say anything to anybody, right? So if I can't say it to your face, then I ain't going to say it to anybody. That's my motto, because I've seen how that can tear people down with people in my life not just friendships, other people, you know, family members and it's just not. It's. I've always looked at that as like, if they're talking about that person, what are they saying about me when I'm not around? So this friend comes to me and is asking me about Shining. I'm like, well, I haven't seen her, you know, in like two months, or talked to her because she's been traveling. I've been busy, blah, blah, blah. And so, yeah, acting like she's concerned that's how I see it. She might be within her rights to feel like I was concerned, but the way I observed it, you're acting like you're concerned and then literally should I say it, shiny, and literally just not saying, not being kind about shiny, like, do you have a friend, do you guys have friends? That it's like, hey, I'm concerned about this person, but dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah about that same person. So are you concerned or do you just want to gossip about that person? So that's what happened and it didn't sit right. I'm like, yeah, I haven't talked to her. I don't know, I'm not divulging anything, I don't know what's happening, right, I don't know. Why are you talking to me? I haven't seen you, I haven't seen her? I don't know.
Speaker 1:And so I prayed on it and I don't like to start shit, but if they were me and if someone's talking about me or inquiring about me in a way that doesn't feel genuine, I would expect that someone who calls me a friend would be able to come to me and say, hey, listen, watch out for that person, or this is so. I came to shiny after prayer. I didn't come to her right away, um, I waited like a week or two and I was like you know what? We went and had breakfast and I said this is what happened. And this is what this person said Do what you will with it, but I would want to know. And so here we are and we've been talking about friends and like, is it right to let someone go? Do we give people chances? And, like Shiny said, like people don't just do like one thing, they do multiple things that lead up to the cutoff.
Speaker 1:And so we've been just talking a lot about friends and friendships and cutting, and not cutting them off, but just letting it go, letting it expire, because they don't really fit our narrative anymore, they don't really fit our lifestyle narrative anymore.
Speaker 1:They don't really fit our lifestyle when you're growing as a person and you're truly like intentional about it and someone else is just kind of staying the way they are maybe they think they're growing, maybe they are, maybe they aren't, I don't know. We're just not growing together it really becomes obvious, doesn't it? It becomes so obvious where it's like I know I've been your friend for multiple years but, yeah, I can't do this anymore, and so I felt really I did feel bad, but I felt good after saying it, because you needed to know, just like I would want to know, and just know what's being, what's being said out there Continue to be friends, don't continue to be friends, but just know that. This is what you're dealing with and which got us on another friend Damn, we got some quote unquote friends in this neighborhood, in the neighborhood of Peachtree Corners, because Peachtree Corners is a small big town. It's a big, small town where people are talking about everybody.
Speaker 2:It's not, um, I was gonna say it's, it's not narrowed down just to one city. I would say that this is a life lesson. Yeah, you know I, when I say I'm blessed with friendship, I'm talking about the friends that I've had, you know, from 40 years, 30 years. You know 20 years. I mean these are lifelong friendships and we've, we've, we've grown together, you know we've. It's not like I'm this perfect friend who does everything perfectly and says everything perfectly and does everything perfectly and says everything perfectly and does everything perfectly, but we've grown together so much that there's it has honesty, loyalty, truth, you know, trust, you know there's all those qualities that you would want in any relationship, you know, romantic, it's a sisterhood or not, like it's something that you, you would want with any person.
Speaker 2:And I feel like, um, this was said to me, so there's, you know, there's people that are in your house, there are people that are on your porch, people that are the friends that are on your, in your yard. There are friends that are in your neighborhood, you know, and there, you know. So there's different, like we, we, we all do it. We just may not have, may not recognize it. You know where they are in our circles of, of, of friendship, um. But what I've realized is and that's all fine, right, you know you, you know where people stand with you. But I think, in this time in my life, right now, what I've come to realize is I want to surround myself with like-minded people, um, and women in particular. I want to focus on us lifting each other up yeah, um, someone who lifts me up and supports me, and vice versa. And if that's not happening, they're not on my porch, um, and that's's okay. They're not even on your street, are?
Speaker 1:they. You take that shit to the, to the next city. That's how I'm feeling, and you're right. Like and, and I used to think okay, well, do I need to surround myself with like-minded people? It's good to have variety? Yeah, it's good to have variety. Yeah, it's good to have variety, but the foundation, it's not about personality. Or do you like the color purple and I like the color red? Like it's not even that. It's the foundation of who that person is at their core is what I'm starting to realize that I need to surround myself with those kinds of women. Like our foundation is pretty much the same. Our personalities could be different, our likes and dislikes are different, but that foundation is to me like a strong indication, whether it's the friendships and like marriage, to me that's huge man.
Speaker 1:And I've had to unfollow some people Cause I'm just like why? I don't even know you like that, like done. I don't even know you like that, like done. I don't want to see your shit hole. I feel like such a hardcore, badass bitch in my living room. Delete, unfollow. You're not my friend, no more. Unfriend the block.
Speaker 2:I'm such a jerk. No, I was never, ever in that mindset.
Speaker 1:Ever Because.
Speaker 2:I just I was the complete opposite. I thought I want to be friends with everybody. I want and I want every. I want to like everyone and I want everyone to like me. And I realized that's not true. You know, I'm not not. Everyone is going to and, truthfully, everyone is going to make their own version of you, like they're the story that they make up about you or what they see about you is really their version. I mean and I'm talking about people outside of my, like close and not because that's what people do, right, they meet you and this is the version of you that they they think, and and sometimes it can be better later in time, and sometimes it can be worse, like it may not be what they want, um, but that's okay, and I think that that's the permission I need to give myself. Is that it's okay that I'm not the right friend for everybody? Yeah, and I I I actually teach this to my kids is that there's people you're friends with and there's people you're friendly with.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You don't gotta be mean yeah, you definitely do not have to be mean. You know it's okay. Um, so I um I told that I think friendship is a great subject to talk about. I have this book that's called um. Women are scary Really.
Speaker 1:What's it about? It's about friendship and women being scary yeah.
Speaker 2:Cause I think that that's, um, I know we're not alone. There's I think there's a lot of, I think there's a lot of people seeking connection, friendship, um, you know closeness, and it's truly a blessing that we have that, cause I know, I know you have it and I know closeness and it's truly a blessing that we have that, because I know, I know you have it and I know you know, and I, and I'm very confident that I do too, but there are a lot of people who don't and want that, and I think that's great.
Speaker 1:And it's we were talking also about. You know, you and I are the kind of women that we surround ourselves with all walks of life, all different ethnicities, all different, just backgrounds. And that's what I admire about you, because I'm the same way. Like we don't just stick to one culture when, when, anything, where we love all the people. But what is funny is like we do see a difference culturally in like how we parent or how we um handle certain situations, and that could be something that stands out in a friendship, because some people are very vocal and it's like well, I don't do it that way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I don't do it that way, but I ain't telling you how to do it but, like certain friends, feel the need that they can just tell I don't mind, okay, now, if they're my sisters, like my, my, like how you were talking about, like my die hard ride or die girls, you can, they can tell me whatever and I'll be like whatevs. You know what I'm saying, you know how to handle it. It's the ones that are quote, unquote your friends. But they're like newer friends, yes, like the past five, six years, like, don't tell me, like girl, you don't know me, like that. So the difference, and also you're this culture, you're this ethnicity and I'm this and we parent very differently.
Speaker 2:Well, you can't travel with everyone too. I don't come from that. I feel like that's something that I've learned as well is that you can't like travel with everybody because you're basically living, like you know, this remote home and you everyone does dinner differently, everyone does bedtime differently, everyone does activities differently. Yeah, everyone does activities differently, and I'm I know that, I'm 100% okay. If you do you, I'll do me, but I know that that's not how everybody else is either.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:That's right Because if you don't do things the way they do it, then there's a problem. That's right. So I think it's goes back to like me being, you know, wanting like-minded people, and you're absolutely right. Like we said, culturally, like we were talking about how, um, well, I feel like for my kids, um, if we were on vacation, I, I have traveled with people that are still on the same schedule, that they would be at home and their kids have to go to bed at a specific time and a specific way. Whereas I would be lenient, I'd be lenient that they're on vacation as well. Honestly, if they're having a great time and they're having with, with all the other friends, and they're fun, they're having fun. You know, having fun. I'm not going to really, yeah.
Speaker 2:And you're having, and you're having a good time yeah exactly, Um, but I've traveled with people who who had a big problem where they exit the adult time to put their kids to bed and they get upset if they're not and they tell the other kids also, like they may think the other kids are being a bad influence because they're staying up. This is why I don't travel with people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's been a while I do. I do girls trips, but like the whole a thousand families getting together and yeah, no, that sounds stressful to me. A lot of people think, oh well, they entertain each other and we entertain. No, that's not how I feel. I don't feel like it's entertainment, I feel like it's more work, having to, like you said, like having to stay on the same schedule as someone else. We haven't done a lot of family trips like that, with other people, unfortunately, which my youngest thinks it's horrible Like why don't we travel with people? Like I want to have a friend too when we go and all the things, and I'm just like girl, I like my peace and tranquility on vacation. So with us there's only a few friends that I would be like, yep, you can bring her, but other than that, it's just the four of us or the five of us, that's it. And then maybe like my, you know, my mom or my brothers or siblings or something, but no.
Speaker 2:Well, I would say that I know so many people who do that. You know they do couples trips or they do family trips. I have personally done a lot of. I mean, I've done a lot of. You know, friends, trips girls trips, but I've also done like moms and kids. I've done that and it wasn't always fun for me, they've been okay.
Speaker 2:You know they've been okay. You know they've been okay. But I would say that, at the end of the day, the ideal trip is with people who have, you know, zero judgment, no matter how, what you want to do, you do, or if we all are on the same page. I mean that's most excellent. Yes, that would be ideal. That would be ideal, yeah, but I know that that can't always happen, because we're right now. I said I would like to be friends with people who have, like you know, like-mindedness, that they want the same things as me. For me to be expecting someone to be parenting the same way as me as well, that might be.
Speaker 1:That's different. That might be reaching. That's different.
Speaker 2:That's why you just don't do that, right, yeah, um, but I um I told Lena we're going to keep this, keep this short, but I just really wanted to say that I think, um, a lot of people don't um know how to be a friend, because they didn't, you know, they weren't accustomed to keeping the friend for a long time. Because I think they realize they think I think a lot of people you know what I can't make um that that statement yeah, I can't say that.
Speaker 2:I can't make that assumption. Um, I just think that a friend doesn't have to be in touch with another friend every single day in order to be friends.
Speaker 1:Preach. I love that because a lot of my friendships are that way. Don't need to be in contact with you all the time, but when we get together, shit's about to go down because we're going to have fun.
Speaker 2:Yes, I would say that that is. That's the common denominator. Is that, for me, the friendships that have lasted the longest and the truest are the friendships that when we see each other or when we talk on the phone, we pick up where we left off. It's not where have you been, or hey, stranger, or I haven't heard from you for a while, because, truthfully, those type of statements produce like guilt or resentment or some kind of hurt feelings. So if you're doing that to somebody stop it.
Speaker 1:Nobody wants to hear that. Nobodyiza. Nobody wants to hear that because we live our life. It's. I think it's interesting because people are selfish, so they think we're just sitting around thinking about you, no one's living, like you're not living your life, shiny, you should be sitting around thinking about that one friend, and how dare you not call them? And so that's like very selfish thinking that I appreciate. Like sometimes you and I, we really want to get together. Right, there's times where you and I really want to get together. Or hey, let's record. There's so many times it's like let's record and we have it and I'll text you, or you'll text me like hey, can I get a rain check? Or hey, I just like we're really honest, Like I'm just sitting on the couch watching a show I don't really want to. I'm like hallelujah, Thank the Lord.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you said it first and it is what it is. There's no hard feelings, you, and I'm glad you that you canceled, because I wanted to cancel first.
Speaker 2:Well, I was going to say. That's actually rare because I I, so I appreciate it. I appreciate it too. I'm just saying I think I had to learn that. You know, I had to learn that because I don't think I was, I don't think it was always that way.
Speaker 1:Really Cause you're like that with me. Oh, I'm absolutely like that with you and I'm absolutely actually like that with everyone now.
Speaker 2:But I think, and I'll and I know you've already done a podcast on this, but you know don miguel ruiz, when he he wrote the four agreements, yep, um, don't make it so pretty. What's his name? What his name? What name is? She I will. I like the Latin.
Speaker 1:You said it's so pretty Okay, yes, the four agreements.
Speaker 2:Yes, and you know he says don't have, you know, expectations, assumptions, all that, and I feel like that's mind blowing information. You know, these books, these wonderful, great books, that that he you know him in particular have have written you. When you read it you think, oh, that makes so much sense, but really it's, it's a mindset, you know, not having those expectations, not making those assumptions, don't personalizing it and doing your best. So all four for me. I remember when I read that book I thought, whoa, life-changing, I need to change.
Speaker 1:Well, you're the one that told me about the book. It took me another year before I read it and then when I read it I was like whoa, I was the same way. And then Phillip and his little little friend I shouldn't call him little and his friends did a whole book club about it and him and I did a whole podcast about it because it is it's very simple but it's so hard to do. Yes, like it's hard to implement things like that because it is in your head, it's very mind over matter type thing and that's very hard to do.
Speaker 2:Yes, but it gives people that we care about because we truly care, and even people that we don't really know, so much grace and understanding that the world does not revolve around me. That's right, and if someone cancels for any reason it could be I'm clipping my toenails and chewing them.
Speaker 1:Okay, I hope they don't. That is so funny that you say that, because there's someone I know that plays with their toenails.
Speaker 2:so much we say are you eating toenail soup?
Speaker 1:Girl, but no, that's just, that's disgusting. That's disgusting.
Speaker 2:Okay, clipping toenails, yes, but not eating them, um, whatever their reason is, to cancel because it doesn't matter, that's right, yeah, yeah, because, at the end of the day, being okay with it, you know, because it's okay if someone cancels, because I feel like that's a common one. If someone cancels last minute or is late or, you know, doesn't show up at the last minute, or even if they cancel with notice, it's not about us, that's right, it's true. None of it. None of it, even if they show up late, because I feel like that is a notorious problem, that I have struggled, I've gotten a lot better about it, but I feel like there's a lot of people, you and I should start the club of the lateness.
Speaker 1:The late club, yes, the lateness ladies. That's right, the lateness ladies.
Speaker 2:Well, I feel like I have really pissed off a lot of people with my lateness because unfortunately, I think and there is theories on it like it's not respectful, it's showing that you don't care as much in all these things. But the truth is, for me, and I feel like you feel the same way, it's, it's very cultural. It is, it's it's very cultural. I you know, even with all the events I had in my life, my girlfriends who were not Indian would say shiny, is the event really a two o'clock or should we just show up at three?
Speaker 1:So and I know what it is. I think in our minds we think it is going to take us 35 minutes to get our glow on, our glow up right, like we're going to, and then, for whatever reason, it takes longer and every single effing time it happens the same way and I don't know how to get off the hamster wheel.
Speaker 2:I feel like there's many reasons for me. I feel like I could be late for multiple reasons and in the past, when I would get a guilt tripped text or call like where are you, we're waiting, or this, and that I would write back like guys start the party Exactly.
Speaker 1:Why are you waiting for me?
Speaker 2:And you know, I would think it's kind of comical, because the fact that they're at a party and they're still texting me and and I don't mean this in any way where I'm thinking like I'm holding the party and I'm going to come in and the party starts, I just feel like a lot of people, you know, they just feel like if you're not there at that time, the fact that they're texting you means that the party doesn't start until you walk in.
Speaker 1:And I feel the same way about me. Oh, there's a song the party don't stop. I walk in, don't stop making fun. So when I walk in late, that's exactly what I say the party can start now. I literally will say that and everyone's like yeah, and then they forgot that I was late because here we are having fun. But okay, to me that's a I don't know. I don't understand that, because if it's like a one-on-one meeting, I can understand a little bit, but if it's like a lot of people coming to a party, calm down everybody, I get there. When I get there, I like to make a grand entrance. If you guys are bored with the people that are already there, then you guys need to fix that. Like something's wrong, like that you guys are waiting for little old may to get the things happen.
Speaker 2:Well, I was going to say um, in college, my friends manipulated the system. They. There were two things they did. One was, if the dinner's really um at seven, they said it was at six and I think you know what. That's what's up. They love me, they're not going to bitch, they're not going to complain, they are going to manipulate the system because they know shiny struggles yes, with her watch or her time, yes, and they are going to make sure I'm there. Yeah, and I actually loved it. Another one was they arranged my clock in my dorm. They changed the clock time, but then you're going to know, because I used to do that with myself. Well, I didn't know at the time, oh you didn't know.
Speaker 2:I didn't know at the time, but I actually you know what I actually still do that Like my clock in my car.
Speaker 1:I know, so I can't do it.
Speaker 2:Is nine minutes fast, but you know that. Oh, I do know that, but I still like it I like it, I'm like. I can get there. I'll be there nine minutes faster. I can do this. And let me tell you, every time that I am on time or early, I go. If it's a dinner, I go wait at the bar, or I go wait wherever I need to wait, and I am so happy. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I'm here, I'm on time, that's it okay.
Speaker 1:So you are like Tiffany, you've met have you met? My friend? Of course. So Tiff is the same way. So me and Adrian did that with her in college because we all went to the same college. That's what we did with her, because I'm late, but I'm not that late, I'm only like a few minutes late here. Give or take a few minutes sometimes. Yeah, me too. But tiffany's like you or you guys could be like 30, 45, an hour late, and that's what we did with her. We would tell her the wrong time and sometimes she was still late. Ask Adrienne, we still bring it. Yes, and the crazy thing is I wear more makeup than Tiffany. I do my hair. It takes way longer to get. I'm like girl, I did my hair and I put on makeup and it took me forever to find it and I'm still ready. I'm like what do you do? It's like she's just like la, la, la, she'll sit. She says I think she'll do something and then she'll sit, and then she'll do something else and then she'll sit.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to say this whole lateness subject is a sensitive subject to a lot of people Because they feel very strongly about it. I have met people who feel so passionate about it that they feel because they've expressed this to me Right About you being late.
Speaker 2:About me being late or just lateness in general, that like, say, the dinner's at six, that coming at six is already late, yes, that they need to be there early and, honestly, I completely respect that. I have no problem with people wanting to be early and on time and I am not trying to be disrespectful. I actually, honestly, I feel like I haven't really gone anywhere in a while, so, um, well you know, if you do, if anybody out there does want to go out with me.
Speaker 2:Um, I'll be on time. I promise I've gotten really good.
Speaker 1:I've gotten better. I had a pinky promise, corinne, because sometimes, when I'm taking her to all her many activities, we're running late, and so we had a pinky promise that she's going to be on top of her schoolwork without me having to harass her, and that I'm going to get her early to things. I had a pinky swear, and so now I have to the net from today until until what may. I have to be on time, shiny.
Speaker 2:I think it's great and, to be honest, I've improved because I've it's something that I've been working towards, so I don't want to disrespect any of your listeners that are on time. No, no, I think it's wonderful, you know who's like that.
Speaker 1:We all know her. Tanika, that girl throws an amazing like. She's very detailed. We all know that. Right, you know that she's very detailed. She, she will have parties at her house and it's always a theme and we got to wear the right colors and everything is like. She has names for the drinks and she has little ingredient cards to show you how to make the drink. She's very, it's very, tip top. Just on point, she literally will say in a text six o'clock I'll give you five. I think she'll give us a five, 10 minute like leeway, but at a certain time she is locking her door and you cannot come in. It's never happened to anyone. She'll let them come in if you know they have a valid excuse, but she is dead ass serious about it. Wow, and she's the one friend that I'm always on time for because of that, wow.
Speaker 2:Because I don't want to hear her mouth.
Speaker 1:And we've been friends for 20 years I'm like I don't want to hear her mouth. But she's very serious about time and she's like that. But I'm like, listen, I'm not going to hear her mouth. I get there when I get there, but with her I get there on time because she always has things prepared games or like a question, Like she always has something and I never want to miss it, and so that's why that's so cool. I really want to get there on time because I don't want to miss anything.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah but she's fabulous, but she's a stickler for it and I'm like, listen, I'm a free spirit and so I just want to just get there. When I get there, I just want to blow with the wind. You know, like I should have been like a person that lived on a beach somewhere doing now that I love yoga, I could be a yoga instructor on the beach brawlers, barefoot and brawlers, barefoot and brawlers, teaching people how to do yoga and just namaste my way through life. Absolutely that's what I want.
Speaker 2:I could so see you doing that.
Speaker 1:When we're talking about people having that same foundation. That's what I think of Easy breezy, like we're going to have conflict with people. That is now what we're talking about. You and I have butted heads. You and I have butted heads. Me and Adrian have butted heads. Who's my best friend? Tiffany, and I have butted heads. Who's my other best friend, tanika, and I could bicker like sisters, and these are all friendships that I've had for a long time and we can bicker and we can kiss and we can make up, and that's what it is. It's just the ones that it doesn't fit that there like that mold. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I think it's not about the quantity that you've known someone. No, it's really the quality of the friendship.
Speaker 1:Cause I've known you less time.
Speaker 2:I think eight years now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I've known you less time than some of the friendships that I had, that I've had to let go, and I feel closer to you than I ever did to them. To be honest with you, same, and it's been eight years and those were like maybe 10 plus years, and I'm just like, yeah, I feel like you are my sister for life. Same, I really do, I can. My litmus test moving forward is and this is something that I've always just not ignored, I know it to be true, but I feel like I could be a freaking hard ass sometimes where I'm just really just quick to just be like nope, next, no, and I don't want to be that way. So it's like, let me give someone a chance, but, man, do I get it right every time? But my litmus test is if I can't truly be myself, like truly fully myself in front of that person, if I'm holding anything back, and that speaks volumes and I need to put you in the acquaintance category.
Speaker 1:You might think we're friends, but even I don't even know, like I can't put you in a friend category anymore and that's what I would do. Okay, we're friends, I get along with you, you know, like you know as much as I can't put you in a friend category anymore, and that's what I would do. Okay, we're friends. I get along with you as much as I can. We're friendly, but I can hang with you, we can go out to dinner, our husbands can get along, we can do all the things, but you're not seeing all of me. I'm holding something back. Why is that? Why I don't know. You could be an amazing person. Maybe there's just a reason why I'm not fully giving you who I am, and so I would still be friends in spite of that. But now I need to listen to my gut. If I can't be fully myself, then we can't fully be friends. That's what we're doing moving forward, shani.
Speaker 2:Yes, and you have to hold me accountable. No, and I feel like that's true friendship. True friendship is accepting each other as they are, because we both have best friends that say, I mean, I'll say for me, one of my best friends, she lives in Chicago and over the years she said some all kinds of wild ass shit. Oh yeah, you know who are you talking to.
Speaker 1:But I love you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I don't ever actually think that I'm like, okay, I love her the way she is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well because these friendships have shown you who they are. Like you said in the beginning, they have shown you who you are so that when there is conflict, you know that this is just a blip on the radar. In the depths of our souls, we know that you, you know who I am and I know who you are. The people that I don't see myself being being fully myself is because I don't truly trust you, and that's my biggest thing. If I don't trust you, you'll get a snippet of me. You think you're getting a lot of me because I can blab my mouth and you can think that we're best friends, and that's why, with that quote that I sent you, I'm like am I being the pretender? Am I acting? But no, I'm protecting. I'm truly protecting myself because and I have to stop doing that Like I really do and it's just going to hurt some people it's going to hurt the people that think that we're friends, that I'm going to have to let go the ones that are not my friends yet. I just don't let them. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Like some people, our neighborhood does a lot of stuff. They like a lot of. We got the wine night, we got the book club, we got this, we got that. And like people are like, oh, are you coming to that, are you coming to that? And I'm thinking to myself I don't want new friends. I don't want to fake it, I don't want. I shouldn't say I don't want new friends. I shouldn't say that because that's not true. It depends on who that friend is going to be. I don't want pretend friends. I don't want pretend acquaintances either. I just want real. I just want real.
Speaker 2:I just want real I don't know, I don't know how to explain it. No, I, I, I, a hundred percent agree. I think that, um, my and I, those old, those older friendships that we have, we've already been through thick and thin, we've already you know. So, if we act, if if I act a fool, honestly she's going to accept me. You know, she's going to love me just as I am. Newer friendships If I did that, I would be the talk of the, of the town or the.
Speaker 1:But when I met you, I could tell right away that I could be fully myself. Yes, so that's what I mean. It didn't have to take eight years for me to be like, oh, now I'm going to be fully myself. I feel like I've always been myself. I mean, it took maybe a month, like it took a while. It wasn't like instant, but it wasn't years either, like I felt comfortable with you right away.
Speaker 2:But I also feel so I guess I was going to say I agree, because that you saw that from the beginning, that I was really confident about that, because I don't actually get any joy or gratification for talking shit about you. Yeah, if I have something to say to you and I really had tension, or if it's building, I will tell you. And you have, and I have.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And and and, even if no matter how long it took, or whatever I'll, I'll tell you I you're not going to hear it from somebody else Exactly, and that's why we're here today. Yes, and I was going to say that is the number one for me. Once, and this is going to be once from now on, once I hear that my name is in your mouth.
Speaker 1:That's it. We're going to pull a Will Smith. That's what we call pulling a Will Smith, and what is that thing that? Um, it's true, Keep your mouth.
Speaker 2:That's that's what we're doing. You're right.
Speaker 1:Listen, there's an evolution going on up in here and and we are moving forward we have what is that thing that I said? I was like we were on our walk and I was like I heard this thing about the people that you're in. So like the one with the small minded, not small minded.
Speaker 2:Minded people talk about people yeah, average mind people talk about events. And brilliant minds talk about ideas.
Speaker 1:Yes, and Denzel said it, so I had heard that. But then I heard it again recently and I was sharing that with Shiny and I said that is it. That's the trigger for me. And I said that is it. That's the trigger for me. When I hear people talking about others and it's not in a oh, did you like? I'm not saying we, I'm not saying that.
Speaker 1:I never talk about people in a way of this is what's going on with so-and-so, oh, but it's very innocent, it's very matter of fact. Not tearing someone's character down or questioning who they are as a person. That's what I. I don't know what your definition is, shani, but mine that's my definition is talking crap about people. When you are talking about someone and recreating a whole character for that person and it's just like and then you're telling me about that, and it's just like I don't know who, what you're seeing. But if you're calling that person your friend and you're saying that about them to me, then me as your acquaintance or the person that you only see every once in a while, what the hell are you talking, saying about me?
Speaker 1:The people that I surround myself with listen, we laugh, we'll crack up about something that happened to so and so if it's funny, but we really talk about ourselves and how are how we improving ourselves. We talk about what's happening in our families, with our children, with our siblings, with our like, but it's about matter of fact things. And also I love talking about ideas and goals with certain people that that, oh, this is what we can do. That's where I am in life. I don't need to sit around and talk shit about anyone, and if I and if I do, I better be brave enough to say it to your face, exactly yes. And if I can't say it to your face, and I need to keep that to myself yes, and that's where we are Mic To myself. Yes, and that's where we are Mic.
Speaker 1:Drop Exit, slap Chris Rock Walk. No, I'm just kidding, I wouldn't slap Chris Walk. That was really mean, chris Walk. Yeah, walk Rock Dude, we drink. We're not going to tell them how much we drink, chris Rock Walk. You know English is not my first language, right? That's okay. And so sometimes one of them, so sometimes the Puerto Rican accent comes down and it's, they say, iraq, I say every time I say that the kids are like you speak English.
Speaker 1:I'm like, yeah, but when I was little, like Spanish was my first language. So you know, I remember back to my infantile stage.
Speaker 2:No, I love that. That's so true. So I feel exactly the same and you know it can be hard to talk to somebody about something that's bothering them, but I feel like if the friendship is worth, is worth it, then you, you talk openly and freely, because having tension between friends keeps distance. Um, and to me, truthfully, to keep a friendship for a lifetime is the friendship must be easy. Yeah, it has to be low maintenance, it has to be guilt-free. It can't be like I haven't talked to you in forever or you haven't done this or you haven't done that.
Speaker 2:Truthfully, all of us who have friendships for a long time, it's not about keeping score. It's not about how many times you see each other a year or how many times you talk. It's really, truthfully, about the quality of the friendship and giving each other grace and understanding and being there for each other, no matter what part of life that they're going through, like we're going through, and without, without judgment, and if there's anything to be said, anything that's bothering either person, that you talk openly and freely, yeah, I mean. And that's really truly any relationship.
Speaker 2:You know that you can speak to the person that you love you know, platonic or romantic openly and honestly, yeah, I mean, that's how I. I mean that's how I feel because, remember I said the connection is, is, is the gatekeeper of, of of a longevity that makes so much sense because it's connecting one soul to another's. Is has so much meaning and fulfillment for life. And and if it weren't for my friends, with this new time in my life and everything that I've been through, if it weren't for my friends, I don't really know what I would do. I feel like it is my friendships that have been the most meaningful relationships in my life.
Speaker 1:Well, I love it. Listen, I got to get on your good side, I got to stay on your good side because this girl is like she's on fire, she's on fire, she's like next.
Speaker 2:She's like that ariana grande song, thank you next I think you were really surprised about my um, my transformation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was like oh, you blocked some people. Oh, you blocked her. Oh you blocked her, oh you did. I thought you were just going to unfollow. She's like nah, I don't want. And I said, okay. Okay, I was very shocked, I was, but you need that for your peace of mind. And here we are. We're moving forward with like-minded women. We're here to empower and if you can't fit the circle of power, then you gots to go.
Speaker 2:Or you and start your own petty circle, or you want to strive for that. That's something you want to work on.
Speaker 1:But not everybody wants to change, shani. Not everybody wants to change, not everybody wants to strive for better. Some people don't even think that there's anything wrong with them.
Speaker 2:Okay, yes, for the people who don't think that there's anything wrong with you, and the problem is everybody else then that doesn't work, this doesn't work for you, yeah, but I feel that we are always learning, growing and, truthfully, for that to happen, we have to recognize our part in it, and I know that I wasn't like that before, so you know I, I took things.
Speaker 1:You know, shiny, you're a butterfly now, oh my gosh, you're a little caterpillar. I went to Callaway gardens this past summer and we learned about the butterfly stages, stages of the butterfly. And now you're a butterfly. Yes, now you're just going to go spread your wings and fly, and I got to be right behind you keeping up with you. Chit, no, I'm so excited. I'm so excited to be back talking, and these are the conversations that Shani and I have had on our walks during yoga Well, not during yoga, because people will look at us side-eyed, but after yoga there's like a little cafe we go eat. We've done it twice. It's really nice. Actually, the view is really nice, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I'll have to tell that story another time because we're running out of time, but we've had some adventures at that restaurant and, yeah, it's just something that we've talked about, where we're just wanting to release negativity, release toxicity. I don't know if this is the yoga that's helping us, like namaste, like gratefulness. Everything is just like listen to your. Just like listen to your body, listen to your heart, listen to your soul, and I'm all about it. That's where we are and these are the conversations we've been having. I said let's open up the mics and let's talk about it, and so we just, we just want better for our lives, moving forward.
Speaker 1:And I mean, I'm 44, how old are you? 47. Yeah, if God gives us another 40 to 50 years, let's make the most of it. I know 50 is being ambitious. We're going to be all like crotchety and stuff. We want to make the most of it. I mean that's a long time, but listen, these past 40 something years have gone by and a lot of the things feel like a lifetime ago. I want this next stage of my life to be like a game changer and that's where I am. That's where I am emotionally and mentally and as I was sitting, you know, with with Adrian a few weeks ago. Just she's like how are you been?
Speaker 1:And I was like I just started crying because I held on to a lot of stuff. She's like you know, god gives us ups and downs. Ups and downs Like this is normal. This is always the way it's going to be Like. Today, you and I are happy, we're smiling. Tomorrow, something else can happen that brings us down, so it's what we do with it. It's the people that we surround ourselves with. It's the ones that lift us up to help us out of our funk. That's that's like after leaving that lunch with her. We talked about so many things. We left rejuvenated. I didn't leave thinking, oh, she's going to judge me. Oh, I shouldn't have said that. Oh, I bet she's going to go back to Tiffany and tell her this. None of that. It's a safe space. I can express myself, I can cry it out, she can cry it out, and we can leave thinking, wow, that was amazing. I can conquer the world.
Speaker 2:You did that for me today, really, yes. What did I do? So this morning I had a full day. I took my kids to school and, um, you know, I ran errands and I I talked to a friend and she absolutely loves me. So I have no, I feel no ill feelings towards her because she's a long-term friend that I've known for a long time and I know it came from a loving place, um, but I was struggling because I applied to um Lowe's last week. As people don't know that, listen, I am looking for work and um, and I will do anything. I will do anything that will um be supportive for um. You know my family, so I really wanted the job at Lowe's and not that I'm a woodworker or you just want to get paid.
Speaker 2:I just I want to, you know, so I've been. I had been doing the research for companies that not only take care of their customers but treat the people that work for them well. So that was what I was narrowing down my search to, and Lowe's was one of them, and I didn't get the job. And I haven't gotten a lot of the jobs that I've been applying for, I think two reasons. Well, two main reasons I could be overqualified, or three reasons I could be overqualified. I could. It could be because I haven't worked in a long time. And number three, I have limited times that I can work. So you know it'd have to be somebody that's super understanding to a homeschooling mom with really too busy kids, and I'm still really have a strong belief that that God has a job out there for me. But today I got discouraged, and that's normal. So I was upset, I was crying and you know my friend was trying to encourage me and I will say this as the best advice I can give any person that today, when I was upset and sad, I was telling my friend what had happened and you know she was giving me her opinion and I'll, and I will say that an opinion is the lowest form of knowledge. It's a. I appreciate it and I know it's a way of someone showing that they care. But truthfully, it's an opinion and, quite honestly, and I will say this for everyone, when someone is upset or annoyed or frustrated or any feeling that doesn't feel so good, they just want to be heard, they want to be supported, they want someone to just listen. They don't need you know, don't need your you to fix it, you to fix it, rescue, tell us what you think we should do. Any of that. I would say that trying to approach the next time someone is telling you something or bitching, that you approach it in a different way and just say it's okay that you feel that way and I'm here and what can I do for you, instead of telling the person what you think they should do with their lives, and that we focus just on ourselves, like what we need to do with our lives, and that when our friend or colleague or peer or child or anyone says what their issue is, that we just really listen, because communication is key, but the biggest part of it is listening. So I think I was.
Speaker 2:I was, you know, of course, upset because I I didn't feel heard. And then in my calendar I had a time slot open for us to record and I felt like once I got here and I was around your energy and your presence and your heart I felt lifted up automatically. I felt loved, I felt cared about, I felt important. That's sweet. Um, I felt seen and you didn't even know that I was crying, you know, in the car on the way home and cause I was feeling discouraged. Um, I mean, I know inside, okay, tomorrow's a new day. I, there'll be something out there for me. That's the right fit.
Speaker 2:But even the way you spoke about me to that woman at the icebox like that's the complete opposite of what we were saying. How we hear someone speaking ill about us behind our back and that's what carries like really what you want to hear. And I think some of it was when I wasn't even around. I was back around the corner. Like the fact that when someone lifts you up and speaks highly about you when you're not around, those are your people, those are the. That's when you know that's your people. That they speak highly and wonderfully about you when you're not around. That's right, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's it, cause anyone can say oh yeah, you're the greatest, You're awesome. Yeah, but what are they saying when you're not there? And you did that for me?
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you Well because you're awesome, I think like I'm not doing it to blow smoke up your ass.
Speaker 1:I don't even know why they that saying is a thing. Who's blowing smoke at people's asses? But hey, because it's true In my heart it's true. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true, thank you. I'd be like, yeah, that's my friend. No, I just you know what I'm saying. Like because you are awesome, and she was raving about you and I'm like, yeah, she's my friend. Like I surround myself with amazing people. Like she just raved about you and it's just like, yeah, she's awesome. And how fortunate am I to be a part of her life and for her to be a part of my life, like that's special.
Speaker 2:So well, I I appreciate, I appreciate you seeing the good in me. The good people bring out the good in you. Um, who don't see that, um, they're a loss, they're a loss.
Speaker 1:Man, that's how it went and I thank you so much. I know this day did not go as planned. Um, right now it's like what 10 o'clock at night and we we should have recorded around three, maybe to like four, right before five, before I went and got my facial. But here we are, because we wanted to make this happen and sometimes the day does not go as planned and you just have to make the most of it. Yes, and I love you. I love you too, and I'm excited for what's to come. We are hopefully going to do great things Not, I hope, I know. In our spirit, if we put our heads to it, we got this. We're doing some great things, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and we appreciate you, your friendship, for listening. I know.
Speaker 1:There's five people out there listening. Hi, hi, five people. I love you guys. I'm glad I'm back. Shiny, you'll be back, right, what's up?
Speaker 2:You'll be back, all right. We're talking about lots of things Anytime.
Speaker 1:All right, love you guys, thank you for being here and thank you, shiny Thank you.
Speaker 1:All right, bye. So today I'm going to leave you all with two quotes, one that Shiny wanted to share and the other that I wanted to share. So the first one is I've come to realize that the only people I need in my life are the ones who need me and theirs, even when I have nothing else to offer them but myself. And the next one that I wanted to share is titled Shifting. As you are shifting, you will begin to realize that you are not the same person you used to be. The things you used to tolerate have become intolerable.
Speaker 1:When you once remained quiet, you are now speaking your truth. Where you once battled and argued, you are now choosing to remain silent. You are beginning to understand the value of your voice, and there are some situations that no longer deserve your time, energy and focus. Thank you so much for listening to Virago 24-7. If you haven't done so already, go ahead and hit that subscribe button and please give us five-star ratings. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram, at Virago247, and on Facebook, at Virago247. And just connect with us and share your story. We'd love to hear from you.
