Virago 24/7

Life's Changes and the Power of Time

Lyanette Talley Episode 85

Send us a text

I never thought I'd find myself back in the trenches of dental practice management, yet here I am, sharing the unexpected twists of my 2024. My journey this year is a tapestry of work and leisure. As I reflect on my experience with working with my husband in his dental practice, and the unique managerial challenges it brought, I'm considering dusting off my leadership hat. Join me in unraveling the threads of valuing time and the nuanced dance of stepping back into a role I thought I had left behind.

Life's a little like ice skating—sometimes you glide smoothly, other times you take a tumble. But just as my daughter, Korynn, has shown through her passion for the rink, perseverance leads to growth. This episode sees me weaving through Stephen R. Covey's Seven Cardinal Rules of Life and shedding the weight of emotional baggage. It's about releasing the anchors of the past to sail into the present, a journey toward alignment and living with intention. Hear about the personal transformations that have shaped not just my approach to business but my entire outlook on life.

We round off this heartfelt conversation by pondering the true essence of happiness. It's a tale of how releasing negative emotions and the burdens of anger and resentment can lead to inner peace. I talk about the empowerment found in embracing one's unique journey, free from the shackles of comparison. Discover the clarity that comes with alignment, and the courage to let go of what doesn't serve in order to welcome what does. So, lend me your ears, your hearts, and maybe a little bit of your time, for a chat that promises to leave you pondering your own path to fulfillment. 

Go to my website virago247.net for all things Virago 24/7
You can email me at virago247podcast@gmail.com

Instagram: virago24_7
Facebook: Virago 24/7

Thanks for listening and don't forget to share, share, share!
Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!

Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley


Speaker 1:

Hi, I am your host, leigh Annette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24-7. Virago is Latin for female warrior and 24-7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors. Hey you, how's it going? Happy February. I hope your January and your 2024 is going well. So far, it's pretty balanced between being busy and having some downtime on the weekends, which is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Yeah, I kept seeing memes on the internet about January having like 84 days or something like that, so it felt fast and long at the same time, if that makes sense. But so far so good.

Speaker 1:

As you all know, I work part-time at our dental practice and I left there in 2020, and I told myself that I'm not going back. I'm going to start a podcast, I'm going to do me, I got things to do, I have dreams to conquer, and that was going to be Philip's thing and we were going to part ways business wise. Then I think it was 2022, I was asked to come help because the office needed some help, and so I said you know what I could do that for you, I can go in for a week and help clean things up. I mean, it's not going to happen in a week, but I can get things started and so I came in that week. Mind you, this was not Philip asking me to come back. This was manager number two that had asked me to come back. He had a manager previously to that and this was manager number two. So she asked me to come in and help and I did, and then, after that week, I said it was my pleasure helping. Good luck in Godspeed, and that following week she's asking me please come back, and I said you know what I can. However, I gave you a week of my time for free and I gladly did it. However, moving forward, my time is precious and I'm learning that my time is valuable and I need to be compensated, so I need to be put on the payroll. And, for those who don't know, innovative Smalls has been our practice, for it was our practice for about 15 years and we decided to sell it to a dental company that comes in and buys practices private practices and in 2020, this backtrack.

Speaker 1:

In 2020, it was January that we were approached by two different companies and Philip never, ever, ever, ever, ever wanted, ever, wanted to sell. He was happy being the owner, but around that time I personally was like you know what I'm going to stick with Innovative Smalls for a few months, but I need to, just for my peace of mind, I need to break away because it started to become very emotionally just not healthy for me and we'll get to that later. But so, ironically, we get approached by two companies and Philip was seriously thinking about it, because when you own a company, it is. It could be very draining with all the behind the scenes stuff as far as, like, paying bills, payroll like, like so many things that you just don't think about that have to get done. Taxes, obviously, we all have to do it, but you know, as a business that's just keeping up with the latest things and workers comp, you know, filing things like that I had to do. It was it's a lot. So we strongly considered it and we were starting to meet with both companies when COVID hit right, and so that gave us time to really think about what do we really want to do and we had long conversations, hard of hearts, and so we decided to pull the plug, picked a company and it became theirs the end of July of 2020. So, yes, we are there, and for some of you here in this for the first time, that may be patients. Now you know, and the point of it is like nothing should change. The name shouldn't change, the doctors shouldn't change, because they have to sign a contract in order to receive their money and it gives an incentive to do well and to stay there. So we I mean it's not anything that we advertised, but it's not also anything that was a secret, it's just we continued on. The only difference is that we were not the owners anymore. So that's why I left and then that's why he, on his second, having his second manager, she was overwhelmed. She asked me to come in. I said I need to get on payroll. She made it happen and there I was. Then she left.

Speaker 1:

Many reasons why one of them is we started to see that she was not very competent in the position, couldn't handle it, didn't know what she was doing, very sneaky here, and then she actually left on her own, but with a lot of pressure from Philip Talley, dr Talley, and then didn't have a manager for the longest and then we decided to hire from within. So one of our assistants who wanted to work up front and learn the front side of things, I was the one that was like you need to do it. You've been with us for a very long time, you know what he needs and what he likes, so she came into that position. Unfortunately it didn't work out. I don't know for personal reasons, she had to leave the practice. I don't know if it was that she became overwhelmed, I don't know, but it was very sad to see her go, very, very sad.

Speaker 1:

And then we got another manager last year and kind of same situation, just maybe not working out. And then personal things. You know, everyone has their personal things that that come up, that are sometimes out of our control. And so we come into the new year of 2024 and I decided well, since we don't have a manager, I, if it's okay, because there's someone above the managers. She's over seven practices and she's, you know, she comes alongside Philip and helps guide him. And so I approached her and I said listen, I can be the manager temporarily until you all find somebody. And her face lit up. She's like, really, I'm like, yeah, but Philip doesn't think it's a good idea. And she's like, well, why? And I was like, well, you know, he doesn't want me to get sucked back in. You know, it's different for me to be here part-time and just come in a few hours a week versus, you know, being a manager and coming back in, managing, and he doesn't want to take away from, you know, my time with the podcast and the kids and just having that flexibility to come and go as I need to. So we need to convince him. So, literally that day we talked to him. We told him it was gonna be wonderful, it was gonna be great, it's gonna be fine, we're gonna be okay. And so then, as of early this year, I became the manager.

Speaker 1:

It feels like it's been more than a month, but it's only been a month that I am in this role again and it's a little different and the way that it was before it's way different than how it was before. It was highly stressed out. A lot of the team that we had had become like family, and with family you argue, you bicker, and I know it's a business setting, but that's how it became and it became hard to manage people that you hung out with outside of the practice and you know like it became kind of blurred. The lines became blurred and I was highly emotional at that time. I could get sucked in easily into other people's drama or just kind of feel their pain and take it on as my own. And this time around it's so different.

Speaker 1:

Doing this podcast has been such a blessing for me. Talking and talking and talking about certain topics you know on, you know on the podcast and off the podcast. Like anytime I've had people on the show. We're talking beforehand, we're talking during and then we're talking after, and just it's been so therapeutic for me in reading certain books that people suggest and and just this growth that I have had in the past three and a half years. It's been. I feel it in my soul, I feel it, and so this time around I'm more relaxed.

Speaker 1:

I'm like you guys take your time finding a manager. I've got this, I've got this and I get along so well with the girls there. There's a lot of new girls up front and I'm so like, like I'm not just saying this, thinking that they're going to listen to this, because I don't even think they even know. I have a podcast. Half of them don't, half of them don't but I really truly feel, and I've been, even though I wasn't always in the practice. I've been a part of all the things Innovative Smiles for the past 17 years. Is it crazy? It's going to be 18 years. Is it going to be 18 years yeah, it's going to be 18 years this summer that that Innovative Smiles has been around and I've been a part of it every single bit of the way, even if I wasn't physically there.

Speaker 1:

And so I know that this team that we have especially the girls at the front are the most, are the most competent and able women that we've ever had in the front. We've always had like one person, you know, that was really good at what they were doing, and just like a few people that it took them a while to like to click, but this is a team that everyone seems to get it. Now, two of them are newer. One actually just started today, but I feel it, I feel it in my bones, I do, I do, I feel good things about it. Catch me in a few months to see if that's still true, but no, I'm being very optimistic and so I'm telling you guys all this to say that last week, phillip is like we're going to have three interviews and I said interviews for which position? Because we are looking for a hygienist as well. He's like for the manager position. And I said really, three, huh, that was fast and that's exciting and I never, ever, thought I would feel this way. But I thought I want to do this I can't believe I'm saying this Something that I said that I would never come back to, like I think I really use the words never and they always say never, saying never, and that's so true.

Speaker 1:

But I kind of felt a certain kind of way I'm like, really Well, and he's like and I want you in the interviews because I, you know, I want you to, you know, fill them out and so that we can pick the right one and, if you know, if one of them is it. And now I feel like I want my hat in the ring and that I, I know what he needs and I know what he wants. And he just looked at me and he's just like Lena, like I don't want you. I said I'm such a different person. I handle things and situations so differently than I ever have in my whole entire life for the better, for the better. And so here we are. We're going to interview three people this week and we shall see what comes of it.

Speaker 1:

But, like I said, I never thought we would be here and I said what is it about me internally that's so different. I feel at peace, I feel like I should be here, that I should be leading this team, you know, coming alongside Phillip. What is it that? When I tell you, I felt four years ago like there were bricks on my shoulders and bricks on my chest and just a heaviness, a heaviness of this is not my purpose, this is not where I'm meant to be, this is not it. But what is it? What is it for me? It was this heaviness, a lot of crying, like big, big crocodile tears. At that time, and I say what is it? So I'm sitting at an ice skating rink, right?

Speaker 1:

So I know Cren, in October decided she wants to take up ice skating, and so, as a mother, I try to just come alongside my kids and whatever they wanna do, let's just try it, and if we don't like it, then we don't have to do it. But at least we tried right. And so she wants to take up ice skating. So I said, wonderful, the girl didn't know how to ice skate, she would hold onto the rail, but she wanted to learn. I said, let's do this, we're starting from scratch. So we found a place. Well, she found a place and so we signed her up. It's lessons, it's group setting, and then she can go part of the package as she has a certain amount of days that she can just go on her own during open skating, right.

Speaker 1:

And this girl has really taken up skating and really wants to go all the time. And she went from holding onto this railing to being able to skate backwards to now she's teaching herself, cause she's not there yet, so she's YouTubey. I think she's not at that level yet, but she's trying to do some spins. And she went from basic one and did basic two, for she just started basic two in January and now they're just straight moving her, cause these lessons are eight weeks long. So she hasn't even made it past two, three weeks and they're already saying, hey, you've gotten really good and you should be in basic three. So she's kind of skipped over basic two and now in basic three, and once you get to basic four and graduate that then she can join figure skating club, which is so exciting for her, so that she can learn all the cool tricks. So I'm so happy that she's found something that she really, really likes and really enjoys.

Speaker 1:

But, needless to say, there's times where I just drop her off and there's times where I sit there and I bring my coat and my gloves and we're warm, warm, warm attire and I bring a little cushion because, man, those metal seats get super cold. So I bring my little cushion to sit on and I read and I try to come up with ideas for the podcast, or I just like, sometimes I'm just scrolling, you know Facebook and stuff like that. So as I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself, man, I feel like I need to be at this practice. But what is it? What has happened to me? What, what? So I'm like looking at, you know, life lessons. I'm just, you know, I'll throw in some things in there and see what pops up.

Speaker 1:

So I don't remember what I Googled, but the seven Cardinal Rules of Life by Stephen R Covey. Stephen R Covey I'm sure for all you smart people, you guys have heard of him, I hadn't and he came up with these rules, these, and they sound so simple. When I read them I'm like, oh, these are so simple but damn, these are so hard, these are so hard to do, Like when you're in an emotional space, in a space where your feelings and the past and just things are just so heavy. It is so hard To imagine not carrying all this weight on you, not carrying these burdens and these feelings and these thoughts. It just weighs you down. It really does. I speak from experience. I'm sure all of us can relate. So simple, so I said I gotta talk about this. I wanna share this. Simple rules, so hard to do. Let's get into it.

Speaker 1:

Number one and I'm reading cause I like to cite my sources, as a good journalist would. Okay, I'm not a journalist, I'm not calling myself a journalist, but I did go to school for journalism and gosh, damn dude, we have to cite a lot of things when we wrote our papers. However, betterhelpcom that's where I'm getting these rules they're all over, but I'm gonna read the little two cents that they put in. Number one is make peace with your past so that it won't disturb your present. Now I read that one, and that one, for me personally has been the hardest thing to conquer. But I can honestly say, sitting here today talking to you, that I have released it.

Speaker 1:

I look at the past and I don't get angry, I don't get sad. I mean I might get sad, you know, thinking about my dad and stuff, but anger was the word, the feeling that I would get, thinking about the past like anger and then sadness, and it was all the time Like my past weighed me down so much and people might think, oh, leannette, you know people that know us. It was a wonderful childhood, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You don't know me, you don't live my life, you didn't live my life. My life wasn't horrible, I'm not saying that, but there were certain aspects of it that were not the best and it is what it is. But I don't look at it anymore with anger, like I can honestly say that and I would ruminate on things, I would get angry about it, and angry because I wanted to change it. If I can go back in time, I would change this and this and this, and I've had to let go of the fact that no one can change the past. It just is what it is and I've had to consciously, purposefully, intentionally work on that and that one was so, so hard, but it really affected my present. It really really did. It affected how I thought about myself, how I handled situations with family members, with all of it.

Speaker 1:

And in betterhelpcom it says here are some points to consider on this journey to letting go. Forgive other people for offenses or past mistakes. Forgive yourself for your missteps. Let painful memories fade by choosing different thoughts. Accept what has happened in your life and make new commitments each day. Man, accept what has happened in your life. It has made you who you are.

Speaker 1:

And I think a lot of the times when we look at the past and we have that anger feeling, that anger emotion, it's because we wanna punish certain people that wronged us. We want them to hurt, we want them punished. They need to know how we feel and what they've done to us. And when I learned to let that go. It doesn't mean that I let certain people back into my life, but I can be around them and not hold on to this way. I can be around them because it doesn't affect me anymore. It genuinely doesn't affect me anymore, and that was the hardest thing Many tears, many books read, many conversations, many prayers. But I've let that go. So now I can make room for new things and I'm not approaching people in situations the same way, because I've let go of those bricks. Right, the liquor of my past break. Okay, it's gone. I threw it away. I don't even know where it went.

Speaker 1:

Number two what other people think of you as none of your business? This one, um, I like, definitely love it. I don't think I've had a hard time with this one. I think maybe obviously we all care what people think to an extent for me. Some of us value other people's opinions way more. I think I was always built in a way where I didn't always care. I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do and I don't care what you're gonna say. Could be bad, could be good, I don't know. But I value the people around me. I value constructive criticism. I value when people come to me from a place of love and from a place of. I know they want my best interest. That I don't think that falls into this category of. Well, I don't care what Phillip thinks, or I don't care what my best friend Adrian thinks. Well, of course I do. Why? Because I love them and they love me and they come from a place of also balance. They're balanced people. I feel like this is for people that are just bad mouthing you that, yeah, maybe once upon a time they didn't know you and you were friends, but now they're talking shit behind your back. I don't care, like I honestly don't care, and you should not either. Okay, you shouldn't either. So that's a good one, and not very hard for me.

Speaker 1:

Number three time heals almost everything. Give it time. Everyone knows the same time heals all wounds. And then I've heard people say well, that's not true. It says in the article you know, the best approach in life is often to let things heal without interference. Life may seem difficult now, but by not dwelling on the past you can often move forward and find happiness. While it can be essential to acknowledge painful and damaging experiences from the past, healing tends to be more likely when you do not let the past take over and remove your focus from the present. Sometimes, when we don't know the correct answer to your problem or what to do about it, a successful approach can be to pay attention to what makes us feel better in the moment and let time heal old wounds and that I don't know. It's hard to speak. You know. Only you know what wounds you're trying to heal from. I know a lot of us have deeper wounds than some others and bigger wounds to heal from. And I see you guys, I feel you and you can do this, you can heal.

Speaker 1:

Number four no one is in charge of your happiness except for you. And I'm starting to feel that, I'm starting to feel like, yes, I can be in charge of my life. Not that I didn't know that before, but I didn't embrace it. I didn't embrace it. I used to have this mentality of feeling stuck in my life and in the past few years, just realizing, no, I'm not, that's just a cop out. That's a cop out to stay in my comfort zone. You know. Oh, I'm stuck, so I don't have to make any moves, so I don't have to feel uncomfortable and do something about it. You know. So we are in charge of our happiness. We really, really are. And it's a lot of soul searching you have to do. You just have to know that shit will happen.

Speaker 1:

I'm not saying, just because you're in control of your life, that things are always gonna be easy, but it just feels, oh man, like you're maneuvering. You're in the driver's seat, you're not a passenger. You know, a lot of us are going through life just, oh, in the back seat. You're not even in the passenger seat, you're in the driver, you're in the back, in the back back, thinking that life is just, you know, driving you around and you don't have any control. No, we do, and that's why I like to drive on road trips. Philip said in the passenger seat I got this, I like to be in control of that. But in the article it says research has found that people who believe they are in control of their happiness are generally more content in life than people who think their feelings of satisfaction rest in the hands of others. We don't want people to control our happiness. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1:

Number five avoid comparing your life to others and judging others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Man do. I agree with this one wholeheartedly. I don't compare my life to anyone, to be honest with you at all, and you know I don't even have like these celebrities that I'm just like I wish.

Speaker 1:

You know there's certain people that I admire. A lot of them is more for their business savviness. I love Jennifer Lopez. I know some of you might roll your eyes, but I love her as far as her business savviness and how and her longevity, and also she's Puerto Rican like me, so you know, can't hate on that. But Corinne the other day asked me if I would trade lives with her and honestly I wouldn't. I would not. I would wanna pick her brain on how she handles business and how she's just stayed in the game all these years, but no, I wouldn't. I really really wouldn't.

Speaker 1:

I think maybe in my early 20s, you know, I would get jealous of people and compare my life to them and wanna want what they have. There's no reason to compare Like make your life your own and be proud of it and be happy for those who are doing what you admire. You know, if you look at someone you're like oh, I want what they have. Well then you know, try to duplicate that in your own way, cause we're all so different, we are all meant for something so different in this world. And comparing and trying to like do something that wasn't given to you, like that's not my gift, that's not my gift, that was that was given, like if it was supposed to be mine, then it would have been given to me. So stop comparing. And you don't know. And you don't know and you know what. Maybe that person is living a wonderful life, but do you know what they had to do to get to that point, what they live through to get to that point?

Speaker 1:

Or sometimes we are comparing ourselves to people that are miserable, because we're just seeing that outside and we're seeing the flashiness of who they are and they're live, but but inside, if you go inside, you buy like run for the hills, like holy shit, I don't want to be, I don't want to be, I don't want this life, I don't want her life. Stop it, guys. Stop it. Look within, look to see what gift was given to you and nourish that. Nourish that and the article it says.

Speaker 1:

Spending time judging behavior and choices of other people may also move you away from focusing on your own journey and challenges, and we can never truly know what obstacles and problems another person lives with. A more productive path may be to view each day as an opportunity to celebrate who you are and what you have. Choosing contentment and focusing on the good in your life can be powerful ways to overcome habits of comparison. Little bits, ladies, little bits and gents whoever listen. Whatever gents listen. Little baby bites. Okay, stop comparing.

Speaker 1:

Number six stop overthinking. It's all right if you don't know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect. Oh, I know a lot of over thinkers. All the ruminating and the negative talk and the thoughts and the thoughts and thoughts. Listen, I'm a ruminator. I was thinking about that when I was reading this and I haven't ruminated on something in a while. I would wake up in the middle of the night and ruminate on crap that happened years ago, years ago. And man, I haven't done that in a while and it just feels so good that means I'm on the right path. I gotta stick with it. Gotta stick with it. Keep reading these self-help books. They're really working for me. And number seven smile.

Speaker 1:

You don't own all the problems in the world. There are things within your control and things outside of your control. When people or circumstances are outside of your control, recognizing this and not trying to control the situation can improve your mental well-being. That one has been something that Philip has drilled in my head since I've met him and he would. Anytime a situation would come up and I would get all riled up. He would stop me, he would listen and then he would stop me and he's like is this something that you can control? And if the answer was yes, then it's like all right, do you want to come up with some solutions for that? Sure, let's do it. Logic, man. And if it was, is this something that you can control? And if the answer was no, then he's like let it go, let it go. If you can't control it, then you have to let it go, and that's always been something that he would throw out to me. Sometimes I would catch it and receive it very well, and other times I'd like punching it before even got near me, just punch it in the air. It's like I don't need your logic right now, felipe, but but it's so true, it's so true and even today, like I, until this day, I that's what I do I say is there's something I can control? And if it is, let's do something about it. And if not, let go and let God. For real, for real, for real.

Speaker 1:

So when I read this list, it sounds so simple. When you read it, when you read, just smile and don't compare and let go of the past. You know it's all these things that we hear and quotes that we read all about all seven of these. But my goodness, I know it is so easier said than done, but it is gonna change the way you interact. You're gonna feel lighter when you're dealing with difficult people. You're going to respond differently.

Speaker 1:

My patience level is like oh my gosh, I have patience, thank the Lord. I've been asking for patience for what? 20 something years, 30 something years, and he's giving it to me. I'm getting the patience. I'm getting the patience. It's quite exciting, actually. So I read this and I said you know what? I have done so much internal work to get to this place and I've said it before, yes, I didn't go to therapy and talk this through with a therapist, but my friends are my therapist, I'm my own therapist. The books that I read, the podcast like I don't know. That's just the way I'm wired. I just can learn through others and use it and do it and and just make it happen in my life. And it's been very hard.

Speaker 1:

But here we are. I'm in the same position I was four years ago as a manager and I didn't want to ever come back because I was emotionally fragile okay, fragile it emotionally and not knowing what I wanted for myself. And now fast forward almost four years later, three and a half years later, I am feeling like I released a lot. I feel light, I feel bright. I read these things and I'm like, damn, I'm on my way. I've actually been able to do each and every one of those seven rules.

Speaker 1:

I would have never been able to say that a few years ago and, gosh, damn it. I think I need to stay at innovative smiles. Oh, my gosh, what are we saying? So pray for me, guys. If it's not meant for me, then you know. Maybe these three interviews will be wonderful and one will stand out and be the perfect match for innovative smiles and Dr Phillip Talley. But I feel in my heart that it's meant for me. So we shall see. We shall see, as we say, at innovative smiles, as the drill turns. I will update you on the next episode as a drill turns after I watch it.

Speaker 1:

So here we are, guys, a month in January, I was promoted, I was put in a position to manage and lead and I feel at peace. I feel at peace. It's crazy, guys. It's so crazy. So, as always before I leave, I want to share something with you, and it's not a quick quote. It's not a quick, it's not a quick quote, but I thought it was fitting for everything that I'm feeling, all the clarity, just all of this I don't know, man, I don't know if it's the new year, I don't know what it is, but it feels good. It feels good to feel light. It feels good to feel light and all those bricks and all that package I was carrying I'm telling you they're gone. There might be one little pebble or two pebbles that I'm still working on. I'm not saying I'm perfect and that I've conquered the world. I'm not saying that, people, but I am a lot lighter. So here, I'm gonna share this with you guys before I leave.

Speaker 1:

When something is for you, it will bring clarity and alignment to your life, not chaos and confusion. When something is for you, it will not run or hide or avoid being yours. You do not have to chase after anything or anyone. When something is for you, you won't feel the need to beg, convince or force. Things will feel easeful, grounded and safe. When something is for you, it will not make you question or second guess your worth. Instead, it will remind you how worthy and loved you truly are. When something is for you, it will feel healthy and supportive, not toxic and destructive.

Speaker 1:

When something is for you, you'll know it. Stop ignoring the signs. Release what needs to be released so that you can receive what needs to be received. Love you guys. See you next week. Thank you so much for listening to Virago 24 7. If you haven't done so already, go ahead and hit that subscribe button and please give us five star ratings. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Virago 24 underscore 7, and on Facebook at Virago 24 slash 7, and just connect with us and share your story. We'd love to hear from you.

People on this episode