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Virago 24/7
Virago 24/7 is a podcast that brings women from all walks of life together. Host, Lyanette Talley, invites everyday women to talk about a variety of topics such as, marriage, divorce, children, friendships, self-love, self-care and really anything affecting our lives and our world. Conversations with friends are what help us feel like we are not alone. Virago 24/7 brings these conversations to you! A Virago is a woman who demonstrates heroic qualities. The original meaning is Latin for “female warrior.” The numbers 24/7 remind us that we are female warriors all day every day! Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors.
Virago 24/7
Embracing New Beginnings and Coming out of our Comfort Zone
As your host, Lyanette Talley, I get real about the challenge of stepping outside our comfort zone. Sharing my trek from the grips of the fear zone, filled with self-doubt and worry about opinions, to the exhilarating embrace of the growth zone, I'm laying it all out there. Growth is not just about reaching a destination; it's about the rich, transformative process of learning, facing challenges head-on, and holding steadfast to our dreams—even when the path gets rocky.
Finally, let's tackle fear and how to conquer it in order to get out of our comfort zone to reach the growth zone. I break down the power of taking small steps toward achieving your goals. Embrace discomfort, flex that 'fearless muscle,' and let's get grow together. Remember to connect with our community on social media and subscribe to keep up with our collective pursuit of growth, healing, and becoming the everyday warriors we're meant to be.
Go to my website virago247.net for all things Virago 24/7
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
Hi, I am your host, Lyanette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24-7. Virago is Latin for female warrior and 24-7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors. Happy New Year everybody. Happy 2024, 2024.
Speaker 1:I was gonna sing another song, but it's a birthday song. I was gonna be like Happy New Year to ya. Happy New Year to ya. Happy New Year, anyways, hello, I know it's been a minute.
Speaker 1:I hope everyone had wonderful holidays Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa all the things that you celebrate. I hope it was wonderful. For me it was great. Thanksgiving was good. It was a small gathering this year. Normally there's lots of people, but we couldn't all get together this year, so it was a small gathering, which was very pleasant. Some nice one-on-one time with my sister-in-law and some friends, and Christmas is always very low-key. Here at the Talley House, we just spend it with the five of us, which is lovely. We play games, we watch lots of television and we just veg out. It's amazing Celebrated the New Year's at my brother's house with a few friends and kids, and it was just a lovely, lovely time.
Speaker 1:So now we are here in 2024, getting things rolling again and I'm excited always excited for the new year, new beginnings. I'm current in my youngest, 13 years old. She's like this is all something on TikTok. She just signed me up on TikTok, so I don't do a lot of TikToking, but I guess 2024 is the year where everyone's saying it's a restart. I think that's the word she used a restart. So, yes, happy, happy New Year, and I think yeah, I think on it. I think I haven't been on in a while because I don't remember talking about my Virago event that I had in November, november 11th.
Speaker 1:With my Virago event and with anything that I'm trying to do and I'm sure if you're trying to come out of your comfort zone, it can be nerve-wrecking You're putting yourself out there in a way where you want people to be receptive and to enjoy what you're providing and doing, and so with the Virago event, it was at a hotel and I've been asked, before I go on with the story, what are these events about? So I started the podcast in 2020. And I just wanted to come here and talk and bring women on and just literally have conversations that we normally would have when there's no microphones around, because there's always so many interesting perspectives and stories and backgrounds and upbringings and struggles and joys and everything. And I love just getting together and just having these conversations with my friends and we're just normal women living our day to day and I just wanted to bring it to this platform and so, with the events, instead of just listening, I wanted to come together and bring women together to continue these conversations, to have community, to bring in speakers, activities, to learn about ourselves, to learn about each other, to meet new people, all the things. And that's the purpose of the Virago 24-7 events.
Speaker 1:For those who have asked and if you haven't asked, you may be wondering and so in this one, we had an Enneagram coach, Melissa Thorson, who's been on the show a few times and she's amazing. And Enneagram is like a personality how you basically everyone has a number one through nine and that is how you are motivated in this world, how you handle situations, basically how you tick. And so she gave us the overview of it and we had questions that we needed that, we were needing to add or to answer, and, yeah, it was great. And with anything I once it was over. First of all, going into it, I was nervous, nervous, nervous. Even though I know these women, I respect them. I have an awesome group of friends that just show up for each other and show up for me, so I'm so appreciative of those who attended so so much. Even though I know them, it's still nerve wracking because it's not on a personal level, it's more something that I'm trying to do professionally. So I was very nervous and wanted everything to go smoothly and it did. It did.
Speaker 1:But afterwards I start looking back and analyzing every little thing, things that I could have done better and things that it could have gone smoother. And you know, with anything we're so critical of ourselves and I did give everyone an evaluation to just let me know how things can be better in the future, because I do plan on doing these every year and that's my goal is to improve on it every year and get better and better and make it more amazing. So with that I there's a few things that I was like okay, first thing that just hit me is just like, wow, I'm so appreciative of my friend group and, like I said before, those who show up and support and just come together to be there for each other and for me. So that was one thing that just overwhelmed me with joy, which was crazy because at the very end. So we did the whole day and we had someone come in to do Reiki.
Speaker 1:I've always wanted to do Reiki and so you can that was an additional thing if you wanted to sign up and do it. So of course I wanted to do it, because it's something that I've always wanted to do. And at the very end I'm like bawling. I'm bawling like a baby. I guess I had all these pent up emotions and just kind of holding it in that I just let it all out with the Reiki guy and I'm just like I'm so sorry. He's like no, it's okay, you're just releasing. So I know for a fact that I was like trying to keep it together and I just let it out at the end of the day and it was very therapeutic and I was sobbing. The two were just coming down as we're chanting and he's putting his hands on you know around me that he doesn't really touch.
Speaker 1:It's just more like energy and I did not think I was gonna get that emotional but I did, and so just realizing that I love my friend group and they love me, and that just feels so good and which makes me want to do keep doing these events, because not everyone has that community, not everyone has people that can come around them and support them, and bringing women together to provide that for those that don't have it, because we all should have an amazing friend group and amazing community. And then the other thing was man, come in on my comfort zone, listen, you can, you see me? If you know me, I am like loud and I'll dance and I'll sing, even though I can't, and you know, I'm just I'm out there. But when it comes to doing something like this, I'm very critical and I can be more inward and don't want to come out of my comfort zone.
Speaker 1:And for this year with Virago, obviously I want to keep recording and I want to do, you know, that big event in November, maybe one or two smaller things throughout the year, but the biggest thing next is doing like videos. Everyone's doing videos and for some reason I have like this wall of oh gosh, I don't want to do videos, but I know, to gain exposure for the podcast, that I'm gonna have to do that and I'm trying to figure out what that wall is. But I have to do it and this is my year to do it. So I'm like, how do I get out of my comfort zone? How do I get out of this? How do I punch this wall down and kick it down? And then I look back and I think, okay, so when I started the podcast I was hella nervous, didn't know I was doing, did a ton of research and then finally just said just do it. And you're gonna make mistakes and it's gonna probably sound really bad in the beginning, but we're gonna just keep going, because that's a lot of the things that I read just start and you'll just get better and better and better. And I guess that's with anything you start and you're gonna suck it in the beginning and you just get better and more comfortable.
Speaker 1:And I remember I mean even having people on with me, I'd just be so nervous and like I'm asking the right questions is this conversation even interesting? And then even my solo ones. The solo ones, oh my gosh. I'm like okay, the reason the solo ones start is like I don't have a guest, I need to talk about something, I need to keep this going and, oh my gosh, you should have seen me before I even turn on the microphone. I'm like sitting here and my voice is shaking and then I would delete and I would start over and I'd be so nervous on the inside and, like now, I have zero problems. I turn it on. Sometimes I have a written format, sometimes it's like in my head and I have zero problems with doing it.
Speaker 1:So today I want to talk about coming out of our comfort zones, because if you look back on anything in your life, you have had to come out of your comfort zone at some point. And We've done it, we've overcome, we've gotten stronger If we kept up with whatever that is. For me it's the podcast, for me it's, you know, doing these events. And then I know, eventually doing videos will be like easy breezy, no big deal. But I wanted to look at like what is a comfort zone and what does that look like and what are some ways that we can train ourselves and teach ourselves to come out of it. And so I, you know, looked at several ways website. So everything that I will be talking about today I got from positive psychologycom, forbescom and real simplecom and I found some articles on each website that talked about comfort zone and what that means and what it looks like to come out of it, what benefits it is to like come out of your comfort zone and the steps to get there.
Speaker 1:So first of all, I found this graph and it said comfort zone, fear zone, learning zone, growth zone. So those are the different categories and the different stages of coming out of your comfort zone and obviously we all need to aspire and want to get to the growth zone. Comfort zone, it says it's a zone where you feel safe and you feel in control. So obviously that's why we don't want to come out of our comfort zones because we want to feel safe and we want to feel in control and we're familiar with this and where it makes us feel like nice and fuzzy, like a warm blanket or a warm hug, the fear zone is like right after the comfort zone. No wonder we don't want to step out of our comfort zone, because who wants to go into the freaking fear zone? And it was described.
Speaker 1:That zone is described as you're affected by others' opinions, you lack confidence and you find excuses. Oh my gosh. That resonates with me so much. We worry about others' opinions, we lack confidence and we find excuses, and that's when it hit me and that's why I do not want to do videos, because I feel, even though I've grown so much, I am still a human and we do care what people think. So I, in putting myself out there, means more exposure, which means more opinions, whether good, whether bad, and I feel like I'm going to be affected by that lack of confidence. You know I do. What am I talking about? Am I videoing the podcast? Am I giving my own little blurb of something? I don't know? And then so I'm finding excuses of I don't have time. I only have time to talk and edit, and that's it. Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. So when I read that I'm like, okay, to come out of my comfort zone, I have to go into that fear zone, and all three felt it in my soul. And even though I've done this event thing last year, I feel like I'm going to get back into that fear zone again with the next one, because what I need to do is what I realized don't think about it too much, just plan it and just do it.
Speaker 1:After the fear zone is the learning zone. So the learning zone is you're dealing with challenges and problems, you're acquiring, acquiring new skills. And it says extend the comfort zone. So you know it's not the fear zone, but you're learning and you're in your and your problem solving. And yes, there's going to be challenges and but I guess you're overcoming it because you're getting a little bit more comfortable with things.
Speaker 1:The growth zone oh, we all want to be in this zone, we want to live here. It says you live your dreams, you're setting new goals and you're realizing your aspirations. Like, oh, my gosh, do we all want to get there, but damn, do we have to go through some journeys to get there. And this is why people stay in their comfort zone. It makes complete, complete sense why people stay in the comfort zone. You have to go to, like, through two other zones to get to the growth zone. It's not, and I was reading. It says you know the journey from the comfort zone to the growth zone it's never going to be the straightforward path. You know there's going to be setbacks and you're going to want to retreat back to your comfort zone and people may retreat back to the comfort zone.
Speaker 1:But that's what perseverance looks like, even if we recoil or we take some time, like, okay, I need to put a pause on this. We have to persevere and we have to keep going because, man, I bet that growth zone is like so fun, so, so fun. And that's what we need to do this year. If any of us are in our comfort zones and there's something in our hearts that we really want to do, but we're like terrified, we got to persevere and, despite our fears, we got to do it. We got to do it because growing is the goal, guys, like I think people think happiness, you know happy, and emotions come and go, but growing. I feel like we're always going to be growing and that's exciting because with growth is learning new things and experiencing new situations, and it sounds scary as hell, but I'm here for it, guys. I'm here for it and I hope there's some of you out there that are here for it too, so we can do this together and give each other pointers and cheer for each other.
Speaker 1:I found out there's four things, the benefits of coming out of your comfort zone. The first one is self-integrity and self-efficacy, and I had asked Phillip how to pronounce that word. I'm like I don't know how to pronounce. Listen, I'm smart in a lot of ways, but I didn't know how to pronounce efficacy. So it says self-integrity refers to people's view of themselves as morally and adaptively adequate. Having self-integrity is empowering. Overcoming a challenge outside of one's comfort zone rather than avoiding it can strengthen self-integrity as people attain greater competence and confidence and navigating uncertainty and unpredictability. Although going outside one's comfort zone may be stressful, it is unlikely to be as adverse as people imagine it will be. Self-efficacy refers to the belief that one has the skills necessary to do a task. By pushing beyond our limits, we realize we are capable of more and can thrive in challenging circumstances. My gosh, that sounds like fun.
Speaker 1:Next is growth mindset. Oh my gosh, that's actually one of my favorite things the growth mindset versus the fixed mindset. And I'm here to tell you. There's people with fixed mindsets out there, and I for one want to always have a growth mindset. So someone with a growth mindset believes they can expand their abilities through effort and practice. The term was coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, who differentiated between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset believe they were dealt particular cards in life, and that is that I was born into this and they feel sorry for themselves and that's why they weren't able to do yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. It also says there is a ceiling to what they can achieve. So trying new things is terrifying and pointless. People with a growth mindset believe they can change and grow and expand. This mindset gives us room to try new things. So we are striving to be growth-minded people.
Speaker 1:A third benefit of coming out of your comfort zone is reduced regret, so it says. Research suggests that people tend to regret the actions they did not take rather than the actions they did, and they tend to find excuses to miss many of the seemingly risky opportunities in their lives for growth. And I think I said in the beginning that there were four benefits, but there's actually five. So number four resilience and anti-fragility. The practice of stepping outside one's comfort zone prepares them to deal with unpredictable life stressors. The term anti-fragility was coined by Nassim Nicholas Taleb and refers to the ability to gain strength from adversity. Anti-fragility is beyond resilience or robustness. He's quoted as saying the resilient resists shocks and stays the same. The anti-fragile gets better. And number five self-actualization. In short, this means achieving one's full potential.
Speaker 1:People who go outside of their comfort zone, may discover new opportunities in their environment and meet new people to help them grow into the best versions of themselves. I like these benefits, I really do. So now do we get there? Now that we know these benefits and know why we need to get out of our comfort zones, how do we get there? What steps do we take? So I found a few different lists and read a ton of different ways to get out of our comfort zone, so I picked the few that I liked the best, that I want to try to not try that I'm going to make an effort and be more intentional with doing to get out of my comfort zone. So the first one surround yourself with confident people. Intentionally associating with confident people and being in their space challenges the subconscious to take risks and also helps to breed confidence in the minds of those who tend to be timid and withdrawn. Associative transformation is an immersive strategy that engages the conscience and subconscious dimensions of the mind, which can lead to behavior modification. Okay, those are all very big words, but yeah, it's basically what I get from this is by being around confident people, we are going to learn from them and we will transform, and that is the truth, I know I come on here and I rave about my husband, phillip, and I just think he's just a wonderful person.
Speaker 1:Just last night I was praising him and I don't think I've said this to him before or maybe it's been a long time because he was so flattered and he's like, wow, you really think that about me. Thank you so much. But he's one of the people in my life that has helped me to grow, because he is a very confident person and just watching him build his practice literally from the ground up, he just handles challenges with such I don't know like I don't know what words to use just he doesn't let those things stop him. He continues to keep going and overcomes and perseveres any challenges that come his way, cause it's very, very it's a lot and very stressful to have your own business and to have a team that you're leading and you have patients and it's a lot. And I was just telling him I would have quit a long time ago and you're one of the people that has helped me grow as a person, cause watching you just keep going and just having that grind and that work ethic and that to me is so admirable, and so I just let him know and he was very flattered. He's like, really, and I'm like, yeah, man, maybe I just haven't said it or it's been a while, I don't know, but I have grown because I have been around him and he's extremely confident. So that is the truth. And, of course, I do have some confident friends. I do have a few out there that are very confident, and so I've learned from them. Just to just keep it moving.
Speaker 1:Number two take it step by step. Try and something new can feel extremely daunting. What can make it even scarier is looking at people who have been doing it for years and thinking you have to perform at that same level upon starting To combat this. Break down a new task or project into several mini steps. Focus on completing the first step. Share your work with your best friend and see what they think. Go from. There is what it says. So baby steps, we don't have to get there right away, and I think that's what we're so impatient as humans. We just wanna get to that level that you see so and so at Like I should be there, but you don't know what they had to do to get there. And there's I don't know if any of you have seen this, but there's this thing online and it's two ladders and there's one and I think there's like big steps in between one and then the like baby steps in between another and I forget the quote, but it's the image of. It's easier to take these baby steps than literally standing at the bottom of the ladder trying to get to that huge big step up above. I mean, it's so unrealistic. So taking those baby steps to get to that top of the ladder is the way to go, and anytime I feel like I just wanna get there, I think of that image of the ladders and just remind myself baby steps, man, baby steps. Everyone had to start somewhere.
Speaker 1:Number four start small to create habits. A good tip is to start with small steps, which we already just talked about. The brain is designed to conserve energy. When the brain realizes the demand for effort is not too big, it is more easily willing to perform it. When it succeeds, the reward system is activated and this triggers motivation. When the brain feels motivated, it is easier to produce the necessary changes in habits or implement new actions. So yeah, it's similar to number three, but also number four to me is once you do those baby steps and your brain is telling you wow, you did it. And it's motivation like that's when you create these habits. So for me, this year, I wanna be diligent. I want to stop making excuses. Be very diligent. Create these habits of not procrastinating, just doing it, just get the idea and do the damn thing.
Speaker 1:Number five evaluate your risk tolerance. There are two ways to approach this. One way is to jump right into it and go all in and listen. I admire people that can just jump all in. It's impressive and it makes me want to crap in my pants to even think about jumping all in. Forget the baby steps, just go in there and hope that you swim. The second way is to take small steps forward and ease into it. Before you decide which of the two approaches will work best for you, I think I've already decided Begin by evaluating your risk tolerance, setting up a support system and understanding which of the two approaches will yield a higher level of stick with it-ness stick with it-ness for you.
Speaker 1:What am I missing that I am scared just to jump in Even? I mean, I imagine myself like even going to a pool and if it's cold, I'm not the kind that just jumps right in Like some people they just get it over with. I'm the one that goes to the stairs and tips me my toes in there, and then my foot, and then the bottom half of my legs, and then my knees, and then my thighs, and then, and then actually, now that I'm thinking about it, that's exactly how I go into a pool if I think it's cold. And then, once it hits my chest, then it's like all right, let's dunk down. But it took me all those little steps. Gosh, that's torture. Now that I'm thinking about it, that is torture to go in so slowly. Maybe the people that are jumping in are a little bit smarter than me. I don't know. I don't know something to think about.
Speaker 1:Number six train your fearless muscle. Ooh, let's see how we can do that. Coming out of your comfort zone is always scary, is what the step says. The only way to become good at it is to do it often. It's like training a muscle the more you use it, the stronger you become. The more you face your fear of doing unfamiliar things, the easier it will become. Um, yeah, that's easier said than done. Listen, we don't want to face our fears. Then if we were so gung-ho and so like, yes, let's face our fears and we would be doing it, we wouldn't need these articles. So I like that one, but that one to me is easier said than done.
Speaker 1:Number seven remember what you want to achieve. If you are really passionate about growing your business and career and, for example, know that you need to network more to achieve this, there's no gain in remaining in your comfort zone. Keep your accomplishments at the forefront of your mind to make sure you feel worthy and confident enough to step out. So to me, that's what's your why? What is your why behind doing what you are wanting to do? We all have a why. I think some of us are more in tune with it than others. Some of us don't want to face it because we don't want to come out of our comfort zone. So we rather just tell ourselves, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be, and again come up with excuses. So remember what you want to achieve.
Speaker 1:Number eight engage in gradual exposure practice. So this one says try engaging in gradual exposure practice by taking small steps towards your goal. For example, if you fear public speaking, try speaking up in a small group discussions first. Every time you face your fear, your brain records the evidence of success and weakens the neural pathways associated with fear in the situation. Think about gradual exposure as a vaccine that boosts your mental immunity and fear resilience. So just keep doing. Just keeps women, just keeps women.
Speaker 1:Next, make the objective worthy of your discomfort. Focus on why you want to take the action in the first place. So imagine delivering a presentation. If your objective is to get it right, you'll be derailed at the slightest hiccup. If, instead, your objective, the presentation is to help save lives, for example, you'll stay focused on what's important, even when you're uncomfortable. Make the objective worthy of your discomfort. So for me, with Virago, even when I feel uncomfortable, I feel so strongly led to doing this and so strongly led to connecting women. I've said before I don't know how the journey looks. I just know that I'm doing it and that's what keeps me going. Until something inside me tells me that I need to stop, I'm gonna keep going. So I do like that one. That one's a good one. Remind yourself why you're doing it.
Speaker 1:The next one is find a role model to emulate. Think of someone who is afraid of nothing, in whom you admire. Then act as you think they would. No amount of motivational sayings to pump yourself up is ever going to act as a catapult. You've just got to step in, do it, see yourself doing it, learn from it, win from it and keep going rock. It's okay to take baby steps and dip a toe in, but once that toe gets acclimated, go for it. So I've already told you who my role model is when it comes to fearlessness and confidence. That's Felipe Talle. And the last one that I liked was acknowledge your fear.
Speaker 1:Often people get overwhelmed when stepping out of their comfort zone, so it's important for them to ensure they stay in the uncomfortable learning zone without pushing themselves into the terror zone. An actual step is to first admit when you're afraid. Acknowledging fear immediately allows you to become fully present and focus on taking only the next few steps. So we have learned that there's a comfort zone, a fear zone, a learning zone and a growth zone. We've learned the benefits of coming out of our comfort zone and we learned what steps we need to take to come out of it. So let's stop overthinking and let's just freaking. Do it.
Speaker 1:I've been an overthinker man for years and I made so many excuses why I couldn't do something. And I'm just done. I'm done sitting back and watching everyone else do the damn thing, and me still kind of, you know, like yeah, I've come out of my comfort zone, but then I get comfortable and then I'm afraid to come out of that comfort zone. It's like a vicious cycle. I don't know if it's ever gonna end. But it's just funny how we forget that we have already come out of comfort zones before. It's like maybe as women, when we have a baby, we forget all the pain and then we'll do it again, like it's like one of those things our brains are weird that way where we know we've overcome some crap. I'm done. I'm done with all of that. We've all have come so far. We've all come out of comfort zones. We've all come so far and we've all, at some point in our lives, have been pushed out of our comfort zone, all of it. And we're still here and we're breathing and we're all living to tell all about it, which means we've overcome it and we've persevered, so we've done it. Remember that. We have to remember that.
Speaker 1:So I want to push myself this year, even when it's scary and even when I don't know the roadmap where it is all of the details. There's so much within us that we have yet to tap into. I don't want to do this alone, guys. I need one or two or three, or all of you out there to come alongside me to get out of our comfort zones. I'm excited for 2024. This is our growth year. I can feel it. I can feel it. It's a restart. That's what my 13 year old said it's a restart.
Speaker 1:I'll leave you all with this quote I want to get more comfortable being uncomfortable. I want to get more confident being uncertain. I don't want to shrink back just because something isn't easy. I want to push back and make more room in the area between I can't and I can. I'll see you all next week. We did another Men of Virago this past weekend, so look forward to that show next week with the Men. All. Right Bye. Thank you so much for listening to Virago 24-7. If you haven't done so already, go ahead and hit that subscribe button and please give us five star ratings. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Virago 24 underscore seven, and on Facebook at Virago 24 slash seven, and just connect with us and share your story. We would love to hear from you.
