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Virago 24/7
Virago 24/7 is a podcast that brings women from all walks of life together. Host, Lyanette Talley, invites everyday women to talk about a variety of topics such as, marriage, divorce, children, friendships, self-love, self-care and really anything affecting our lives and our world. Conversations with friends are what help us feel like we are not alone. Virago 24/7 brings these conversations to you! A Virago is a woman who demonstrates heroic qualities. The original meaning is Latin for “female warrior.” The numbers 24/7 remind us that we are female warriors all day every day! Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors.
Virago 24/7
From Trapped to Free
Feeling trapped and stagnate in life is a common experience, but one with multitudes of hidden meanings behind it. On this episode of Virago 24/7, we pull back the veil on these feelings, revealing how they often stem from a sense of lost control.
Fear of others' opinions can be paralyzing and often leads to feelings of confinement. Join us as we tackle this fear head-on, sharing strategies to regain control of our lives and emotions. Throughout the journey, the embrace of mindfulness, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes, and the process of building self-confidence come to the forefront.
Finally, we reveal the key to finding happiness even in the midst of feeling trapped. It's about creating something that sparks joy, practicing introspection, and above all, taking the reins of our own decisions. As a bonus, we share details of our upcoming event, Evolve with Virago 24/7, a gathering for growth and healing warriors. So, tune in for a transformative exploration and remember, you're not stuck, you're just in the brave process of change.
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
Hi, I am your host, Lyanette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24/7. Virago is Latin for female warrior and 24/7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24/7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors. What up, what up, what up? It's me, lt. How's it going? Everybody, I'm doing great, actually Doing very well, no complaints. My thoughts are doing well. Kaylin is doing well. If you've been listening, you know that I've been talking about Kaylin and us bumping heads and certain things that we've gone through together the past few months, but she's back at school and when we speak to her and when she's texting she sounds fantastic. I'm sure she has her down days, but overall it's been good. It's been good to talk to her and she's been excited about school and this week they have at SCAD, they have a film festival for the week and they have celebrities come in and talk and producers and editors. She was just so excited to share the people that she was able to sit and listen to All good things everybody. Maybe next month we'll have a different story, but I'm just kidding. No, we're staying positive, darn it. We're staying positive. Everything's good, we're doing well.
Speaker 1:I wanted to come on and talk because I like to talk and I always find things to talk about, but lately the same kind of topic keeps coming up. I was like, let me start reading a little bit more about this. It's when someone feels stuck in their life or stuck in something or I've heard recently, there's nothing I can do about it. I just feel stuck. I looked up synonyms for that because I'm like there's something inside me that gets a little bit kind of not triggered, but a little bit like mm. People love to say that they're stuck, but we all have freedom of choice and we'll get into that. The synonyms for stuck are trapped, caged, constrained, captive, unempowered, paralyzed. It's like we feel like we're not in control of what's going on around us.
Speaker 1:I have, too, felt stuck in my life. I felt stuck when I was a single mom. I felt stuck when I was a little, growing up with certain situations. I didn't have any control over that. I have felt stuck, if I'm going to be honest, in my marriage. At times I love Philip, I love my husband, but there have been times where it's like, don't react, lynette. Maybe I have to think about the positives of the situation and not focus on the negative. I have felt stuck when I was a stay-at-home mom. There's been different stages of my life where, yes, you feel stuck and you have to look at things from a wider lens and see it differently. There's been some friends that I have been talking to lately and it's separate to separate people, different situations. As far as them feeling stuck and me feeling like, no, you're not stuck.
Speaker 1:Deciding to make a choice or to get out of a situation or to just change in general can be so scary and so frightening. I get that. It is because if you're used to a certain way of life, even though you're not happy the way things are going, it's scarier to think about the unknown. So I get it. However, I feel like we need to change the way we say it. You're not stuck. You are not stuck. No one is telling you. You need to be where you are. Making a change is frightening and it can be difficult and it's going to alter. It may alter your whole universe when people say they're stuck. Something inside me is like no, it's just going to be hard. It's going to be hard, but you're not stuck. Let's reframe what we tell ourselves when we say we're stuck in a situation.
Speaker 1:However, I try to listen. I am a good listener and I feel like that's why people talk to me and open up to me. I try not to give too many opinions when they're not really wanting it, but when that comes up, I'm just like no, no, ma'am, no, sir, we're not stuck. We were at brunch. I was at brunch with two friends like two weeks ago and we're talking about Kaelin and there's just so many things that I'm so passionate about. And we're talking about Kaelin and just giving an update, because everybody always wants to know how she's doing, and just me realizing that I have to find a different way of approaching and speaking and when to speak, when not to speak. As moms, we just want to just give it all to our children, all the opinions and all the things, and sometimes we just have to hold back and sit back and let them do their thing, especially when they're quote unquote adults. She's a legal adult. However, if anyone has a 22 year old or anybody in their early 20s, we know that they're not fully developed.
Speaker 1:That conversation come up and me feeling like I have to watch what I say, which can be hard, but I can do this, I could do this. But what my friends said when we're talking about all this is she's like you, lynette, are the type of person. I wish I could remember what she said verbatim, but we're going to paraphrase here. So she was saying that I she's like you're the kind of person that expects everyone to be as independent as you and as as capable and trying to remember the words. But basically, like, I know in my heart that I can take care of myself, that I can do hard things, that it doesn't mean that I don't cry, it doesn't mean that I am not sad, it doesn't mean any of that. I just know that I am capable of doing things and taking care of myself, and so I just assume that everyone should be that way.
Speaker 1:So she basically was telling me that I need to meet people where their independent status is. If pumping gas is them being independent, then I need to be okay with them being excited about that or being empowered by that, or going to the bank and opening up a bank account that you know for me that something so simple, but for somebody else it's empowering. So those are very like superficial examples. But I'm like, yeah, you're right, I do Hold women to a high standard, because I know that we are f in powerful beings, that we are strong, that we have way more that we can do. We don't even know is within us. I just know that we all have something so special and inside of us that if we just tapped into it, if we healed, if we grew, if we, if we purged the shit, if we were Introspective, if we were all these things, we could be so awesome. All of us, every single one of us, and some of us don't choose to grow because you have to Unload hard things and sad things, maybe from our past. So I get it. Not everyone's on the same path. But when she said that and I wish I could have remembered everything verbatim, but that's the gist of it I was like yes, yes, so maybe I have issues and I need to like down. But no, it's, it's, it's, it's something that she wasn't trying to. She's like I'm. It wasn't offensive or anything. It just was like, yes, you're right, you put it beautifully that I do expect More and then when I don't, it's just like, girl, like you can do this, what are we doing? Like let's cry it out, but let's like pick ourselves up and let's get the shit done. So that was interesting.
Speaker 1:But in talking about that, I've had conversations with friends recently about them feeling stuck. And then that little conversation is the back of my head like, all right, lena, don't be too harsh, but no, we're not stuck. I think what I get from talking to my friends that feels stuck, it's big stuff. So it's not something superficial, it's a big. It would be big changes and People would know about it. Once they make this decision, everyone is going to know about it and I think that's what gets people staying stuck, because they are paying attention and worried about what other people are thinking about them. So if I make this big change in my life, what are people going to say? What are they gonna say about me? What are they gonna think about me?
Speaker 1:Now I get that I'm an ex people pleaser and I understand that as humans we do care about what people think. But I have learned and there's always going to be somebody because of their perspective and the way they grew up, there's always going to be someone who's going to have an opinion about you or won't agree or talk shit about you behind your back. I have learned that that is not my problem. And at that same branch, you know, when I was talking, we were talking about deep stuff, so just being empowered, and and the one friend you know who's feeling stuck, she, she's worried about what people are going to say and I'm like, well, so what? So if they say that, what's gonna hurt my feelings? Who cares? First of all, you don't even care Enough or respect the peace.
Speaker 1:Some of these people that you're talking about, that you're afraid they're gonna say something. First of all, you don't respect them. So why Are you allowing their words to have so much power over you? I understand when you're in the midst of it just seems so overwhelming. But that goes back to just like knowing who you are. And even as we're sitting there, I'm like I bet you there's someone out there, right the second, talking shit about me, Leonette. And here I am having this wonderful brunch, drinking my champagne and having this awesome conversation with two lovely ladies, and I don't care.
Speaker 1:I have learned to have the confidence. It's taken a long, long, long time, but I have learned to know who I am. When you stand firm in who you are, it does not matter what everyone is saying about you, whether it's good or whether it's bad. You know, even when people are pumping me up makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm just being who I am and I give a shit. I don't give a shit what People out there are saying about me and they could be saying At this very moment right now as I'm talking about this, talking crap about me, and I honestly I'm not saying this Flippingly I honestly have come to a point in my life that I really do not Care.
Speaker 1:Now, if you're like my best friend and we have issues and you come to me, that's more constructive criticism and that's more like let's have a conversation. But these are people that I don't Interact with anymore, that are not in my life. Maybe they're just an acquaintance that I say hi to at the grocery store. Those are the people that I'm talking about. I don't care. I don't care if I make this big you know this big decision and they're over there talking about me. They don't know me, they don't know my life.
Speaker 1:We need to stop caring what other people are going to think, because who's suffering is you. You're staying stuck because you care about what these people are going to say. If you unstuck yourself Unstuck, I don't know, I think it's unstick, unstick yourself. So we spend so much energy worrying about how others will see us and what others will think of us, so we stay stuck and it's to our detriment. If you say it out loud sounds very, very, very crazy.
Speaker 1:So I found an article you know I love me some articles Psych central dot com and I was like hmm, how do we stop not caring what other people think? Because step one we have to stop not caring. Well, first of all, step one is like work on who we are, be confident who you are, know who you are deep down inside, because Then when someone says something that's contradictory and the people around you that know you and love you and know your heart Aren't going to be affected by what this individual over here, you know, in the streets are saying about you. We don't care about that. So Get yourself the steam, know who you are and let's talk about why we don't care and why we shouldn't care what other people are thinking. That way we can move on to how do we get unstuck. So, psych central dot com, I found this article and it's tips to soothe your worries of what others think of you. First of all, let's see If you are a person that cares what other people think, because it says here, listening to our friends concerns is different than worrying about every little thing someone thinks of us. So here are some indicators that the opinions of others might be harmful to you and your mental health.
Speaker 1:You change yourself in response to criticism, regardless of what it is and who it comes from. You let other people make decisions for you. You don't set or maintain boundaries. You're a perfectionist. You hold your tongue if your opinion differs from everyone else's. Your peace of mind relies on approval from others. You're constantly apologizing, even when you did nothing wrong, and you rarely say no, so answered yes to any of those.
Speaker 1:How can you get unstuck from worrying about how those people perceive you? Number one there's 10 on the list Expect and accept that people will have opinions of you. And it says there's no use in trying to avoid any and all judgment. It's simply impossible. For better or worse, assessing other people is a natural part of social interaction. So prepare yourself ahead of time for people to have their opinions.
Speaker 1:A simple mental reminder that others will have perceptions of you, even some that may be inaccurate, can help you let incoming critiques roll off your back and, with a little work, is taking me about to be 44 in a few days, so it's probably taken me about 40 years from the time I was born, I think. Once I hit my 40s I was like you know what, I don't give two Fs about what people say about me, but it's taken a lot of reading, a lot of crying, a lot of deep soul searching to get there. So, but it's very possible. It really really is, guys, and it's so freeing. Once you get here, to the other side, I'm like why didn't I do this before? But you know what? Here we are. We're not going to shit a kudakuda wudah wudah. I don't like that. We're not going to shit a kudakuda wudah. I'm here now and we're going to be happy about that, all right.
Speaker 1:Next, take back control over your own feelings. Other people might have poor opinions about you, but that doesn't have to translate into difficult emotions. They are not the same. While you can't control how everyone perceives you, you can lessen your worry and anxiety over it. So it says consider practicing mindfulness techniques, which I've started and I've talked about it. This is all about staying in the present and being aware of and accepting how you feel in that moment. So learning to be in the moment can help you cope with those unwanted feelings and thoughts. So mindfulness can be meditation, yoga, breathing exercises. If you are a loyal listener, you know I liked my meditation and I do my breathing exercises to prevent panic attacks. Yoga has not been my thing because I am used to crossfit and the weights and big movements and yoga is smaller movements.
Speaker 1:However, what was it? I think it was early September. I went on a trip with one of my friends. We went to Hilton Head and it was a resort there and very health conscious. A lot of women that have retired. They go there often, so a lot of the women that were there have been there multiple times, and so it was really fun to talk to these women and learn a little about them. But it was about portion control. The food was included. You had to go at a certain time to eat. The snacks were healthy, the food was healthy. It was very, very healthy, healthy, healthy and they had a lot of exercise classes. We did low impact type exercises.
Speaker 1:We signed up for yoga and, surprisingly, it was just me and my friend that had signed up for it. It felt very private, like a private yoga class, and it was on the beach in the morning as the sun was rising and the ocean was right there. It was heavenly and the movements I had done before, but they were very simple and I don't know if it's because I was on the ocean and it was just so peaceful and serene that I'm like you know what, maybe I should try yoga again. Maybe I was taking advanced classes and I felt overwhelmed by them, but the simple movements and the breathing, and maybe she was just a good instructor, I don't know. But something clicked and I'm like I need to start doing more yoga, because it was very mindful and you had to be in the moment, you had to do your body move and I had never really experienced that. Every time I've done yoga I'm like this is like ugh, but I think, looking back, it's because I was doing advanced moves and I just want to relax and be mindful. I don't need to like stand on my head, I don't need to do all that, all right.
Speaker 1:Next, remember that everybody makes mistakes. Perfection is impossible, so expecting it is futile. More important, judgment for failing to attain perfection is unproductive, unfair and completely unhelpful. So keep in mind that anyone who thinks badly of you for making some small slip up has made mistakes themselves, plus making mistakes at work or in personal relationships. Personal relationships can be an important part of self growth. Look at them as learning opportunities and being human. So I think that's a lot of times why we care so much. We don't want people to look at us like we have flaws oh my gosh. Oh no, listen, we all have flaws and it's okay. We were not created to be perfect and once we remove that word from our vocabulary, life can be so much smoother and you just give yourself a little bit more grace, a lot more grace when you realize that you're not meant to do everything perfectly.
Speaker 1:Next, develop your sense of self and build confidence. That's my big one. Woo woo, that's my big one. That I was talking about. Self confidence. Building sense of self, knowing who you are is so important. I have not known who I was and you're all over the place with your emotions. You don't know how to control them because you don't really know who you are. You're not confident in who you are and it's not fun. It's not fun you allow what people say affect you and affect the way you live and the choices you make. It is no fun. Everybody it's no fun.
Speaker 1:Practicing self reflection can be a powerful tool for building a strong identity. Take time to ask yourself some difficult questions who am I? What do I care about? What do I enjoy? Developing a value system is also important to providing a strong foundation to live your life on. People may critique your beliefs or actions, but if they're grounded in your values, the criticism is less likely to stick. Confidence building and developing a sense of self go hand in hand. Being confident in who you are and what you stand for will boost your self-esteem and willingness to ignore the haters. Got to say it like that the haters.
Speaker 1:Next on the list is don't try to mind read, you're probably wrong, gosh. This goes back to the four agreements, where it's like assume, assume, assume, assume, assume, assume, assume, assume, gosh. We humans love to assume things. So it says. Research suggests that while most people have some idea of how they're perceived by others, they still have major blind spots. People will associate traits with you that you've never even considered. The researchers found that the most well-adjusted and emotionally stable people have the least amount of insight into what people think of them. It's an indication that constantly worrying what other people think is not only stressful but also not helpful. And with social media that's really hard. If you're someone who posts or you're really active on social media and you get negative comments, I'm sure that's very hurtful. But if you know who you are and you know where you stand on things and you're confident in that, then who cares? Let them keep talking. Smack, all right. Consider the source. This is what I told my friend. Consider the source.
Speaker 1:Why, if you don't respect these people, do you give a damn what they're saying about you? They could say it to your face, they could say it behind your back. You shouldn't care because you don't even respect their opinions. Anyways, let them. If they're going to be that hateful or that strong in their opinions, let them. Let them. It's not your problem. It's not your problem. I don't care if it's family. I don't care if it's friends. Well, if it's friends, then you need to kick them out your life. Family is harder to kick out. I understand. I'm not here trying to tell everyone to kick family out of your lives, but it mean, if they're saying something, yes, mm-hmm, yeah, mm-hmm, just don't engage, just walk away. So consider the source.
Speaker 1:Caring about what people think of you is natural, but some people's opinions are much more important than others and should be treated as such. A family member saying that your behavior negatively affects them or a boss expressing concern with your work can be helpful. A random stranger complaining that you don't smile enough is not Keep it moving. Next is know that you're usually your own worst critic, and isn't that the truth, my goodness? Especially women I don't know about men, but women we have this running narrative in our head Constant, constant, constant, constant. And if we don't fill it with positivity and try to read not that every aspect of our lives is gonna have to be positive, in roses and rainbows and candies and unicorns, I understand that, but try to feel it as much as you can with things that are gonna fill you with hope and positivity and joy and happiness, something that you can hold on to throughout the day, because shit will always hit the fan Ship will slap you across the face, but we have to because we're already gonna be our own worst critic, always. So, it says.
Speaker 1:A research paper tells us that we often believe people judge us much more harshly than they actually are. In reality, we're often much harder on ourselves than other people, and we also tend to think that one slip-up will mar how people perceive us for good. While it's true that first impressions can have a long-lasting impact, one mistake is unlikely to change their overall judgment of you. The next, and something that I am doing very well surround yourself with accepting supportive people and man do. I have a lot of those in my life, which I'm highly blessed for that. So friends and family members who are consistently judgmental can take a huge toll on your mental health. So knowing that someone you care about has negative opinions of you is incredibly hurtful. We all know that it is hurtful. We want everyone to love us.
Speaker 1:Developing relationships with people who embrace your true self and people who are supportive and willing to talk it out, even if they can be a little quote unquote judgy sometimes I think I fall into that category, but I love you guys. It's crucial for maintaining mental well-being. The next thing that we need to do to not care what people think about us or say about us is consider therapy. Talking with a therapist can help you develop skills for coping with criticism and building your self-confidence. Through exercises and practice, you can learn new ways to approach unhealthy, unhealthy feedback and let go of unnecessary stress. I've been to a therapist twice. However, I'm not against therapy. I feel like I learned from my friendships and thank goodness for the ones that go to therapy, because I get to learn without paying the big dollars. I get to learn through them. Thank you, friends.
Speaker 1:The next hold your own judgments of others. Being accepting of others can help you let go of what others think of you. If you know you're giving people the benefit of the doubt, you're more likely to think that others are doing the same for you. And then the article ends with sometimes feedback and constructive criticism can be useful and worth listening to, but there's often no productive use for listening to or worrying about what other people think. So now that we don't give a damn what people think about us or what they're saying about us Cause now we read all these things and now we are these things Just kidding let's work on this, let's not care.
Speaker 1:But for real, once you don't care what people think about you, then when it comes to your personal life, that should not, and like making changes and feeling quote unquote trapped. The furthest thing from your mind should be what others will say once you make the big change, whether it's moving to another country, quitting your job as an executive and becoming a painter, getting a divorce what else, I don't know being a stripper no, I'm kidding. I'm trying to think of, like big changes that people would talk about, you about. But listen, that should be farthest from your mind. Why? Because we have one life, everyone one life, and if we're feeling stuck in a shitty marriage and a shitty job and a shitty friendship, whatever shitty situation you're in, that you think that you're stuck there, that you don't have a choice, that you don't have control, let me tell you something you do have the control. You do have the choice. It may be hella hard, but my gosh on the other side is a wonderful life and I'm hoping that one day. These friends that I talk about I don't wanna put their stuff out there, so I try to keep them very vague and very anonymous. I hope maybe one day they'll come on the podcast and share their stories.
Speaker 1:There's one friend who did get a divorce, and a few years ago and it was so. The situation was so huge in her mind and what are people gonna think? There's a lot more detail to this story, but the overall feeling was what are people going to say? I just need to stick this out because I don't want to hear what other people are gonna say about me. She went through with it, got a divorce, and now she's just found someone else and is so happy, she's glowing, she's happy and, yes, there were a lot of tears and there was a lot of, I'm sure, people talking crap. Yes, we heard the streets talking, but who cares? She's so happy. Now, imagine if she was still stuck in that situation, stuck in the life that wasn't meant for her. Maybe it was meant for that season, but for whatever reason, she needed to make the change. It was highly overwhelming. It was a very challenging time, but now she's so much happier and it shows and she's living the life that she has always wanted to live. So, yes, it's scary. I witnessed the sadness and the crying and the second guessing and the oh my gosh. And here we are and people talked and who cares? Because here she is living her best life.
Speaker 1:So you can be stuck for small things. You can be stuck for big things. I don't know why you're stuck, but these are 15 ways to escape when you're feeling trapped, when you're feeling stuck, and this is from declutterthemindcom declutterthemindcom, all right. So number one make the decision you're scared to. So make that decision. You're scared, you know what you need to do, you're just very, very afraid. So it says we all know what decision we want to make, we're just afraid to do it. It could be quitting a job or leaving a marriage. Don't let that negative self-talk take over too much. You are talented enough to find a new position. You do deserve to be happy. And just because you feel trapped doesn't really mean you are trapped. Don't put barriers in your mind for no reason.
Speaker 1:Seek psychological help, which everyone recommends, seen a therapist especially. It says sometimes you're feeling trapped is due to mental illness or mental health issues like depression, which causes you to feel helpless. So when people get to the point where they feel trapped in life, things often begin to get bigger and you might find yourself catastrophizing automatically, which only makes you feel more panicked and desperate to escape. So seeing a therapist can help you with finding some coping skills. Number three build a support system. When you feel trapped, it's so important to build a support system. You need to surround yourself with positive people who will help you through and help you embrace fear. You want to make sure that your support system is positive and uplifting, but you always want to be able to take in their honest feedback as well. So if there are areas where you can improve, you can make adjustments. That way, you might be able to find a light at the end of the tunnel a bit sooner.
Speaker 1:Number four says make small adjustments. When big changes happen, people go into hysterics. It adds so much stress in their lives. But if instead you make small adjustments, it'll be easier to help you cope with feeling trapped, as you'll see yourself moving in a positive direction. The small adjustments can be a minor change to your environment.
Speaker 1:Number five look for the positive. Sometimes we begin feeling trapped because we no longer see the positive in our situation. So maybe you're feeling anxious or depressed and it's getting the best of you, so you aren't seeing things with complete clarity. Make a list of pros about your situation in life. You might want to create a gratitude list to remember there's so much to be thankful for.
Speaker 1:You know the times that I ever felt you know, quote unquote trapped. It's not as big. As you know, my friends, that I've talked about, that I've been talking about their stuff is like it's big stuff. So with this one that might not be, I don't know. Maybe it does work for big things, I know. For me personally, you know, like I said, mine weren't as huge of a change but like being a stay-at-home mom, yeah, I could have gone to work. I could have. I could have, you know, untrapped myself by unstuck myself, unstuck myself, I don't know, unstuck myself by going to work or whatever, but I knew that I needed to be there. I just had to look at the positives of being a stay-at-home mom, look at the blessings of it all. You know the times where my marriage got difficult. You know, in my head I would think, oh my gosh, this is it. But looking at the positive and not just being stuck in that one moment, seeing the big picture. So that has been very helpful to find gratitude in things.
Speaker 1:Number six be patient. When feeling trapped, we often panic and want to change our situation immediately. Take a deep breath. It's so important to be patient during this time. Things always change, always. You don't have a choice. Life will change, whether you want it to or not. Some things are completely out of your control. But rather than trying to hang on to the good like it's all we have, we need to let things run their course.
Speaker 1:And isn't that the truth, man? I can relate to that at the office, you know, anytime there's been an employee that stands out and what I mean by stand out, you know they brought people the wrong way. They might have, you know, just a negative attitude. You know Phillip is the kind of guy that he doesn't go firing people willy-nilly. He likes to give them a chance. He likes to see if they grow. Maybe they're having a bad day and the employees just want the other ones that are being bothered are like fire that person, what are we doing? And why is he not doing anything? And we have realized that everything runs this course. Anytime someone stands out that big and that major, with that, they just don't fit. Not because they're not great people there's been a lot of great people that have left but they just didn't mesh with the environment of the practice. And it always runs this course and it always works out.
Speaker 1:And people do need to learn patience. Listen and this is me, who I used to describe myself as having little patience. I've had to teach myself to breathe and it's gonna be okay, because if you look back at moments in your life, everything ran its course, everything was okay. The people that I observe that are like always making like these quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. I don't, I feel, I don't feel settled, boom, they make these rash, big changes. They don't always end up to look like they have a fulfilled life. Maybe that change, that moment, that quick decision, helped them in that moment. But, like in the long run, I just I don't know, maybe because I'm also very cautious when I make decisions. So making these rash things is like a big no, no, no, no. So I do like that one be patient, things run its course.
Speaker 1:Number seven focus on self-improvement. I am big on this. My pet pet, pet, pet, pet, pet peeve Well, this is not the biggest one. The biggest one is a liar that's my biggest pet peeve or manipulator, slash manipulator, because manipulator is a liar and liar is a manipulator. They kind of go on the same boat for me. But those who don't hold themselves accountable or don't see that they have room to grow or it's always someone else's fault, drives me crazy, it drives me crazy. So focus on self-improvement. Oh my gosh, I love it so much because that means you're working on yourself and on your insides. You can control that. You can totally control that. So it says.
Speaker 1:When feeling trapped, sometimes it's because we're trying to evolve or grow, but feel like we're unable to do so. That's when focusing on improving yourself becomes so important. You can begin practicing guided meditations to help you gain clarity and reduce anxiety. You can read self-help books about people who've been through your exact situation and you might be able to learn a few lessons from someone who has felt trapped but overcome their situation. You can also develop new skills so that you can avoid feeling trapped again in the future. In your next chapter that might be new job skills or communication skills for relationships. So one thing you can control is yourself how you react, how you don't react, how you perceive things.
Speaker 1:So, gosh, that one should have been at the top of the list. It's number seven should be number one because, my gosh, that's a big one. Number eight live a simple life. So in the article it said sometimes we feel trapped because we don't have enough money to live the life that we want. In this situation, it's so important to live within our means instead of trying to spend money. We don't have, pretending to live a life to impress our friends on Instagram. We need to build up to that and not keep up with the Joneses Number nine.
Speaker 1:Learn to stand up for yourself. It's so important to stand up for yourself so you don't feel trapped. Oh my gosh, this is like huge for me. Standing up for yourself. Don't let people belittle you. Don't let people tell you who you are or who you're not. That's why it goes back to the self confidence, because if you're confident, you can stand up for yourself. And standing up for yourself doesn't mean that you're gonna start punching people and getting all up on people. That's not it. It's using your words in a very calm, very direct way, that you will not be spoken to that way, that you will not treat me this way, like I am not that person, and just being firm in that. So it says it's so important to stand up for yourself so you don't feel trapped. Sometimes we feel trapped because of barriers put on us by other people. In those situations, it's so important to learn to defend ourselves so that we can escape. However, keep in mind that communication is a lot tougher than you may think. If you attack someone with your words, they'll feel defensive, so it says they won't be willing to help you. Instead, you need to learn to articulate your needs in a way that the other person hears you and wants to help you, and if they don't, they're not meant to be in your life. Period period period period Stand up for yourself.
Speaker 1:Number 10, be more proactive. So, while we recently shared that you must be patient, that doesn't mean waiting around for something good to happen. You must actively be making changes to make that good karma come back around so you can untangle yourself from your prison. This might mean looking for a new job, moving out of your home, moving to a new city, going on a solo trip to gain clarity, or doing something that'll ultimately get you on the right track to living a life where you don't feel trapped. It takes work, effort, will and a little pain to get over the hump when you feel stuck, and sometimes only you can change your situation, and we can't always wait for something to quote unquote happen or for someone else to help us feel unstuck when we feel stuck and that is going back to when people are like, well, there's nothing I can do Like this, is it? No, it's not it. It's gonna be hard, it's gonna be painful, but, man, I'm sure you'll find joy on the other side. Not, I'm sure you will. You will and you will.
Speaker 1:Number 11, be yourself. Sometimes we feel trapped because we hide behind a mask of who we feel others think we are, rather than just being who we really are. Many people hide their sexuality because they're afraid of the judgment they'll receive. Others present an image of themselves which is nowhere similar to who they really are, which leaves them feeling exhausted. At the end of the day, it's okay to be different from anyone around you. It's actually incredible to be different from everyone around you, and, it goes to say, there's so much pressure in our world today to conform. So if you stick out, you're truly incredible. Some of the most successful people became famous because of what made them different. It's true that some people will judge you for who you really are, but sometimes that's because they feel like they can't measure up to you. Those people are special too. They just haven't had anyone tell them that before. Be compassionate with haters Ooh. They want us to love the haters, but, more importantly, love yourself enough to be yourself. And I think that goes back to like the other list of worrying and being concerned with what other people think about you. We I'm gonna pat myself on the back because this kind of made me proud of myself, proud of myself.
Speaker 1:So we went, maybe a month ago, we went as an office to Dallas for a communications course and it was all about communication and how to speak with each other in the office, patients and all that stuff. So there is a personality test called the DISC profile. So a D-I-S-C, so all of us are a D-I-S-C and so you can Google it, google it, I'll take the test. And so I had taken up before, and it's been years, and I had a feeling, because I've done so much inner work, that the letters would change for me, because I used to be the S there's nothing wrong with the S, the majority of the population is an S and they want everyone to feel good. They're quote, unquote the people pleaser, they don't wanna rock the boat, you know, they need things to be like sweet and calm, and so that's what I was, and I had a feeling that I was a different letter. So, yes, I became a different letter, I became the letter I, but that's not what I'm proud of, even though I was a little proud that I'm like, okay, I've grown, so my answers were different from 10, 15 years ago, but this one was more intense. So, just because you're that specific letter, there's like a category based on the way you answered. So you have your letter and then you had your word that describes who you are, what makes you tick, how you like to be spoken to, all the things.
Speaker 1:So in this little pamphlet, this booklet, you take the test. There's three graphs, so you graph them and then you find your word and you know your letter. And there's the one graph that tells you who you think you are. The other graph is who others see you, how other people see you, and then the third graph is who you really are internally. And so I'm seeing everybody's answers and I'm like, oh my gosh, why are their graphs different with different words? And my graphs were exactly the same word and I don't remember. I think it was like appraiser, yeah, the appraiser, so that's my word, and there's a whole like definition and it basically is reading you, it reads you, it tells you who you are and you're like what? You don't know who I am. So anyway. So all three of mine were the same. So I'm like wait a minute, how come mine are the same? Like, what did I do wrong? And so one of the girls who's she's been to this course many, many times, she's like no, that means that you see yourself this way, people see yourself this way and you are this way. So all three of mine were the same. So that means I see myself the way you guys see me and I am who I am who I am, and that I didn't.
Speaker 1:I don't remember taking that extensive of a test years ago. It was more, it was just, it was more brief, it didn't have like these categories. But I'm pretty sure if I would have taken it 10, 15 years ago they would have been different. I don't know if I knew who I was. Maybe I was pretending to be somebody else, I don't know, but I was very proud to be, to be who I am, no matter what. I show you guys who I am. I know who I am, I am what I am. So be yourself, be yourself man. And people love for other people just to be who they are. I know I do. I respect people more when they just are who they are, and they're not trying to pretend to be anything, but who they are. So batting myself on the back for that one.
Speaker 1:Number 12, build something. When you feel trapped and you're trying to escape, you need somewhere to escape too. It's so important to build something. Ideally, you wanna build an asset that'll make you money so you can quit your job or discover a new sense of independence for yourself. You can build a blog and online business and online store so you can make enough money to get yourself out of a bad situation. You'll be able to take care of yourself. So focus on building your way to freedom.
Speaker 1:13, do things that make you happy. Feeling trapped can make you unhappy, so it's so important to do things that'll make you happier. If you're currently stuck living at your parents' house and you're frustrated living by someone else's rules, you'll need to take action to do little things that'll make you happier. Maybe you feel a sense of freedom when you go for a run, or maybe you feel happier when you invite friends over, or maybe you start a new relationship or you make new friends. There are so many things that you can do to find happiness again. That's so important Finding that little bit of happiness and there's another book that I'm reading.
Speaker 1:Well, I finished it and I really, really, really, really wanna talk about it, and I will. I just gotta get all the information and all the bullet points. But basically one of the things that I took from it is like happiness is not really the goal, but it's okay to find those moments of happiness and kinda holding onto that and basically it's okay to have all these other emotions. I've talked about it but I wanna talk deeper about that. But we feel like as people I'm going on sidetracking that we always should be so happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, and that's so unrealistic. But when you're feeling stuck, I can see why. Finding that little sliver of what's gonna bring you joy throughout the day, I know that that's very important.
Speaker 1:14, take some time for yourself. A little self-care and self-love can go a long way in bringing some comfort and relief to the way you're feeling. It may not stop the feeling, but it can help Do the things that bring you happiness, such as spending time with friends and family and join your favorite movie or indulging in your favorite meal. It isn't just about doing things that make you happy. Like mentioned earlier, it's about actually carving out time from your day to spend it on you Not work, not responsibilities, not spending energy trying to not feel trapped.
Speaker 1:Feeling trapped can make you feel like you're out of options or have no control. However, you can't control how you spend your time, and the last one of how to be unstuck be unstuck, get unstuck, get untrapped is be introspective. Thinking is what got us into this mess and feeling this way, but sometimes thinking is what gets us out and helps us break free for feeling trapped in life. When we can sit for a long time in solitude and in quiet, we can sometimes find answers to what's holding us back or making us feel this way. Sometimes it's just a little motivation, like trying to live a meaningful life. Other times it's figuring out how to make more money when we're in a situation where money holds us back. Either way, some creative thinking can help us stop feeling trapped.
Speaker 1:So, guys, yes, we can feel trapped, but we have control over our lives. When we start understanding and realizing this, we can handle big things, big situations, because they're always going to be there. They're always going to be there. It's just how we choose to handle them, what decisions we decide to make and what others think about. Our decision-making shouldn't be up to them. But if people don't understand, they don't understand.
Speaker 1:Listen, I have a story of where I didn't like what someone in my life was doing and the choices she was making. But it's her life. She made the choice and I, for many reasons not just the choice, there were other things that happened choose to kind of step back. But she had all the right to make the choices for her life and it's my stepmom, karen, after my dad passed away he passed away in December and that spring she was already with someone. She found someone or she knew him from her childhood she moved back to her hometown, her home state after he passed away and she chose to move on, in my opinion, fairly quickly, but that was her decision to make.
Speaker 1:At the time I was very offended and very bitter and very hurt because of other things that had happened and in the past and just me seeing kind of, I just saw this big picture that I just couldn't deal with. So I had to step away. But she had every right to make the choices and not care what anybody thought, including me. So she was gonna do what she was gonna do, whether I was upset about it or not, and so we can all put ourselves in both sides of both shoes, like on the side of feeling trapped and on the other side of being the one talking about someone who is making big decisions and maybe talking about in their back and not feeling okay with what they're doing. But that's your life, it's your life and you do what you feel like it's best for you. So I can speak from both sides of the coin. But one thing that just bothers me is when we think that we don't have a choice and we do, and it's hard, but we've got this. Life goes on and hopefully, if we do even half of these lists, we can be better versions of ourselves next year.
Speaker 1:I went to this event last week and there's a topic a month and they'll have a speaker come up, and so this was my first time going and it said and it was about forgiveness, but one of the things they were putting up a bunch of quotes up and one of the things that I wrote down that it was so impactful it says one of the scariest place to be is the same place as last year grow. So when I come on here and talk about these things. Let's just take a little bit from it and let's grow, because we don't wanna be the same person that we are today. You know, I think I'm pretty fabulous today, but hopefully I learn some things between now and next year that'll make me even better version of who I am. I'm good with growing and learning all the time. I don't think we ever get there. We may come to a place of peace, but we're always gonna be learning and growing in some category of our lives. So one of the scariest places to be is the same place as last year. Grow that's what we need to do, guys, and if you're feeling unstuck, hopefully some of these tips that I found online might help pick one or two and start living a life that's purposeful period, and stop worrying about what someone's gonna think. And you're embarrassed and oh my gosh, and I get all those emotions, the embarrassment, the why did I put myself in this situation? I shoulda, could've, woulda. You know all those I should have known. But here we are and we can't go back in the past. We can only move forward and start making decisions. They're going to affect our lives for the rest of our lives.
Speaker 1:So I found this on Pinterest. I find a lot of my quotes and sayings on Pinterest, and this goes out to my girls that I've had deep conversations with. I pray that you guys get unstuck real soon, says I'm so proud of you. I'm proud that you keep showing up every single day. I'm proud of all the tough decisions you had to make and that, even though it was hard, you stood your ground. I'm proud that you never gave up on yourself and kept fighting for everything you love. I'm proud that, despite everything you've been through, you still wake up and find ways to smile every day. I'm proud that, even though you've seen so much darkness, you always continue to search for the light. I'm proud of you and how far you've come, and I'm even more excited for everything that's still to come. I'll talk to you all next week.
Speaker 1:So I wanted to share with you all that Virago is going to have an event. It is going to be November 11th this November 11th and it'll be all day. We will have yoga. We have an Enneagram coach. For those who don't know what an Enneagram is, google it. It's a lot of fun. You'll learn a lot about yourself and your inner workings. We'll have a lot of different activities to help with goal setting and just kind of digging deeper into who we are.
Speaker 1:So the event is called Evolve with Virago 24/7 and it will be at a Lakeside Resort. It's gorgeous setting. It's going to be very soothing, very zen, a time to regroup. If you want to stay in the hotel where the event is occurring, there is discount code. So if you go to eventbrite. com and then just put in the search Evolve with Virago 24/7, the event will pop up. You can get all the details there. And, yeah, this is just a time to bring what we've discussed here on the podcast to life, where we can all come together and build a community of women that are growing and healing and are warriors. So, yes, I look forward to seeing you all November 11th.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for listening to Virago 24/7. If you haven't done so already, go ahead and hit that subscribe button and please give us five star ratings. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Virago 24/7, to score seven, and on Facebook at Virago 24/7. And just connect with us and share your story. We'd love to hear from you. Just call me my space. This is my thoughts. What I want. What I want, what I want.
