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Virago 24/7
Virago 24/7 is a podcast that brings women from all walks of life together. Host, Lyanette Talley, invites everyday women to talk about a variety of topics such as, marriage, divorce, children, friendships, self-love, self-care and really anything affecting our lives and our world. Conversations with friends are what help us feel like we are not alone. Virago 24/7 brings these conversations to you! A Virago is a woman who demonstrates heroic qualities. The original meaning is Latin for “female warrior.” The numbers 24/7 remind us that we are female warriors all day every day! Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors.
Virago 24/7
Breaking the Cycle Part 2
Let's continue the journey with Dawn Roberts and Briana Deck. This episode delivers a real-life narrative of loss, love, and survival. From discovering her estranged brother only to lose him to a drug overdose, to navigating her father's troubled legacy and her mother's return from prison, Dawn's story is one of resilience and strength. This episode's narrative is filled with emotional ups and downs that will tug at your heartstrings and leave you inspired.
Dawn shares her survival tactics - from stealing to using drugs - and the realization that good looks can’t save you in court. Her ex-wife's escapades, the struggle to understand her, and her battles with crime and personal choices weave a compelling tale of life’s harsh realities. Get ready to witness a true exploration of the intersection of crime, relationships, and the impact of personal decisions.
Finally, we delve into motherhood, loss, and the journey to healing. Hear about her daughter's journey to recovery, her children's resilience, and her fears for the future. The episode wraps up with a powerful reflection on self-forgiveness and our takeaway life lessons. This episode is a rollercoaster of emotions that will leave you inspired.
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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!
Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley
last week on Virago 24 7.
:I had an older brother that I met when I was younger. I knew of him my whole life, but I met him when I was about 15 and he came to stay up my grandmother's, with me and my sisters. Some stuff happened and he left and so, you know, after that I was like I'm gonna find him when I grow up, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hire a detective, I'm gonna find my brother. And then I found out that he had a diet of drug overdose and I always wanted a brother, and so I had him for this little short period of time and then he was gone and it crushed all my Dreams of finding him, you know. But then they lost their brother, their only brother, and that was, you know, he. I was close to him too, but not like they were, like they were very close to him who Was it?
:your dad's son or who? Yeah, it was my dad's son Did you ever see your dad again.
:Like, how did that happen to the kind of yeah, I was just listening to talk that I have so many questions? Hi, I am your host, Lyanette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24 7. Brago is Latin for female warrior, and 24 7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24 7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors.
:The other person when I was 20 and he met a woman right away. My mom was with another man. He met a woman right away. They got married and they moved to Florida. So From that time, from when I was 20, until he died in January yeah, she's psycho.
:My step-mother oh, she's a she's psycho.
:Oh, she's real.
:Like I gotta text a couple months, Well you have to be psycho to marry some no offense to your father, but to marry someone who just got a prison?
:Yeah, yeah, but she was she was not like okay herself, so he was. So he went back to jail a couple of different times after that for Prescription fraud and stuff like that. But Essentially, like he lived in Florida, I One time he did come up here to see me I think I just got out of jail, yeah and he came to see me and Brianna and Morgan and Jessica were really little and I remember he was saying I had gotten him a hotel close to where we lived. And I remember knocking on the hotel room door. The next morning my mom answered the door in a bathroom. I'm like what are y'all doing? Like you're married, you're married. Like what's going on? And what did my dad say? Or a war, a rank? Oh yeah, and Briana did not know what that meant.
:Literally like a month ago. Yeah, we just talked about that. Yeah, mental condom. Yeah, life, my grandmother, my grandfather, having sex with him in a yellow raincoat. I swear to Jesus, yeah.
:Okay, wait. So he opens the door and he's like, why, what war rank?
:oh well, my mom had hepatitis C. That's why, dad, what are you doing like? Are you trying to get you know? Yeah, no, mom has hep C and he's like a war rank. Oh Well, I guess my child was standing right there, the one that was until until yesterday.
:You thought it was a little raincoat a month ago and I'm 29 years old.
:Okay.
:We were having a conversation about it in my like four years.
:I'm like how the hell that's what I pictured my grandparent, I swear to you, I swear to you, and then I was telling my husband about it recently.
:I was telling my husband about it recently and I was on the phone with my mom while I was telling and I was like, yeah, my, my grandfather was wearing a raincoat.
:A lot of stuff that I left out, but well, okay, let's backtrack, cuz you've lost over this.
:We went from I Was married and I was with man and then, oh, there's a girlfriend and we did drugs together. We're okay. What's up with the girlfriend thing was that my okay, so no story.
:So my whole life, like since I was a little kid, I always knew that I like girls but I didn't think that I could be with a girl because I was such a fruit, fruit like, I was very you know dresses and and I'm like I couldn't. I couldn't be with another chick cuz, like that wouldn't work. I never had girlfriends, always had guy friends. Well, when I was in prison I Saw the relationships between females and I was like, oh my god, like I could do that, I want that, you know. So I met this girl lady, older lady, crazy, was older, 11 months. She was 11 years older than me and we ended up becoming, you know, girlfriends or whatever. And when she got out a year before me and and she waited on me for a year and the day that I got out she came and got me from prison and I was gonna, I was gonna move in with my mom and making with the kids and ended up moving in with her and her parents and my kids. My mother hold on my mother.
:Okay, so, so this randomly, we're living in Kansas City with my dad and he's off his rocker and my mom's in prison and and all of a sudden, there's this friend and this, this best friend, and this friend and this friend and she's sending us letters, she's sending us disposable cameras to take pictures so that she could develop them and send them to my mom.
:Cuz I had.
:I'm like wow what a good effing friend. Like, oh my god, my mom gets out of prison and it was the first time I had seen her in Damn near five years. Yeah, and she comes and she's like, yeah, my friend, my friend. And I'm like, wait a second, this is not your friend because and my mom and I knew I like me in the bedroom, my three daughters a lot.
:Well, she had left. She dropped me off and she left my girlfriend. My three daughters locked me in the room and then, well, it didn't help that, yeah, you could tell.
:And I'm like mom, this is not your friend. I'm like is this your girlfriend? And that's how I found out my mom was lesbian. Yeah, and.
:Morgan says we're all three sitting there and I'm looking at my kids like what the hell? But cuz I wasn't gonna tell my kids for a while, like I was gonna get home first, and then you know, cuz I didn't want him to be like, yeah, my mom turned gay in prison, cuz that's not the way that it was.
:I still tell it that way cuz I had been with women before, but never in a relationship.
:So Morgan, morgan, we're all sitting there and they're questioning me and I feel like I'm back in the interrogation room and Morgan says, well, I'm not calling her daddy, and we all just bust out laughing. So the next morning she comes to get me, cuz they're still living with their grandfather, he has custody of them. So the next morning ship.
:Next morning she comes to get me and they're like Jumping up water.
:So Roll forward, like a couple of weeks. Briana was 17. So I'm like, look, I'm taking Briana, like I'm taking Morgan and Briana, but you know, Jessica was of age and she was still with her dad. But she ended up coming and then I was like I'm taking Briana and I'm gonna get Morgan. So he was like you're gonna have to fight me for Morgan, you're not getting Morgan, and Morgan was only 14.
:So I was like googling lawyers and I called this random lawyer and I was like telling him my situation, how much what. He charged me to hire him. I need to get my child back. And he was like giving this man's name a number. He called him and told him he was my lawyer. I had a conversation on the phone with this man. They had to be God. Not not that he was God, but I had a conversation on the phone, never met this man, never paid him a dime. He called him and told him look, we're about to take you to court, I'm her lawyer, blah, blah, blah. So he calls me back and he's like all right, well, I'm gonna let her come live with you, but if anything happens anything, I'm coming back to get her, you know.
:So then Morgan got to come live with me and I. We're living with my girlfriend and her parents and we're looking for a place to live, and her parents end up buying us the house across the street from theirs. Even though they didn't even admit that she was gay. They called me her friend. Yeah, so my, my three daughters and I moved in with my girlfriend, who had never had children, who was a spoiled, rotten brat, into a house that her parents paid cash for. And I mean, life was. Life was good for a while. For a while it was good, and then it became Like the kids go to their room, we go to our room, nobody talks to anybody, you know, just. And then Maddox came and it was I.
:Maddox came and it was the best like I remember my girlfriend and Ivan calling me like Dawn, Miss Dawn, Miss Dawn, you got you gotta talk for an hour. Abortion like boo. And I remember my ex-girlfriend saying you're letting your daughter effing ruin her life, you know, and all this stuff. And I was like, oh well, I'm having a great baby. I was so, I was so excited and he, they, you know he, they lived with us for a while. You know that story and it was great.
:And then Briana saw through my girlfriend and sorry, for she really was and Briana was not having it and it was just a constant fight because I had been away from my kids for so long and now my kids, my daughter, is literally like moving away and trying not to talk to me because of the person I'm with. So I decided to Leave that situation but I moved into another situation and it went like that for some years I've been. I've been single for the last two years, which is Crazy to me because I've been in a relationship since I was 14 and the last two years I've really learned who I am, things I like, and I've been able to focus on me and Did you feel like when you're, you know, going from relationship to relationship, was there something that you were trying to feel?
:because I always wonder, like how there's some people out there that just have to be with somebody and they have to be in a relationship. What is? What is that you?
:know, I think a lot of it was just codependent Abandonment stuff. I felt like I always had to be with somebody. I had my kids, you know, and my kids would always tell me like why can't we be enough? And that would break my heart. But it's a different kind of thing, and but the relationships that I ended up getting into were so bad that I couldn't I couldn't be there for my kids like I would. My Girlfriend was so possessive. It was just terrible, and so if I wanted to not fight when I got home, I had to kind of Do what she wanted, and so it caused a lot of issues With my children.
:My comparison is if you take a five year old and you put them in gymnastics, soccer, football, whatever, by the time they're in their thirties, they're going to be a hell of a whatever. You know, and I was a trained criminal. I think that's why I never I don't look down on people that sold their bodies but I never had to do that because I knew how to steal, and not just, not just I just steal clothes and stuff like that, but like generators, and you know I never stole cars, but I knew how to make money. And, and the guy that was my dealer for so many years. He would call me every Christmas like with a list a black, my course, purse, with this on it, this perfume, this, this, this, this, and I would get it all.
:You would go get it, I would go get everything.
:It didn't matter if it was under lock and key. And you did it for drugs, yeah, well, and money started out. I had a little dealer that would go to the drug dealers and get me drugs. Well, I was getting stuff. You know like, well, what does your drug dealer want? Well, he wants this, this and this. So I would get it. And then he would give it to the drug dealer and give me. Whatever he gave me, he'd probably keep some for himself.
:Well, one day the you know the big drug dealers like I want to meet her and I'm sitting in the car and he's like he wants to meet you and I'm like I don't want to meet him. You know I was scared of people like that, cause when I was little, my mom would take me to the high rise penthouses in Atlanta and there would be men with guns and they thought I was so cute, they'd give me a hundred dollar bills, you know, and. But they were like mafia people. They were like serious people, like big guns standing at the door, and so I was scared of drug dealers. I never hung out at drug houses. I would get my stuff and go, but after he came to, he wanted to meet me. So I met him and he was like, well, can you get this, can you get that? And I'm like I can get anything you want. And I didn't steal cars but my dad did.
:Yeah, but like any kind of ask for cars.
:No, no, no, no, just any kind of tools like, um, the wall tools generators, um, purses for their wives, you know anything like that I would go. It didn't matter if it was under lock and key, um, I would get it and I would take it to him and he would give me cash and the the. The weird part it's not funny, but at the time it was funny is that the drug dealers always owed me money because they wouldn't have what I wanted. When I bring the stuff that they wanted because if they told me, you know, my wife wants this perfume and this person all this, you know I'm charging them, you know a percentage of what it's worth and they'd be like well, I got an ounce of this and I got this much cash, but I'll get you next time. So people are always like are you on the run from drug dealers to the drug Do you own? No, no no, no.
:They were on the run for me and they really did like they are, that. They all, of course, they loved me because their Christmas was cut in half and when they had a baby, I mean like, oh, your baby needs shoes, like 14 pairs of you know Nikes and whatever you know, and you just knew how to go into these stores and act like I wasn't doing it. Because I do, I would dress nice, I would act like I wasn't doing a damn thing.
:She went into Circuit City one day. You remember Circuit City? Yeah, oh yeah, like the big electronic story. Yeah, she literally went up to one of the guys. Correct me if I'm telling this wrong. She literally went up to one of the guys and was like I bought that TV. It was like a TV on the wall. Can you load it in my car for me? That is a true story and he loaded the TV in the car for her and she just just because you dressed up, you just knew how to take the part.
:I did not look like a criminal. And I remember a judge telling me your looks are not gonna get you by in this courtroom and I remember I was devastated, like what are you talking about, you know? But I mean, I looked like Morgan, you know, and I would dress up and nobody would have thought that I was. Even if I had picked up something right in front of you, you wouldn't think that I didn't pay for it some other way, or that I didn't work there or that I didn't. You know, that was just. I mean, you were doing this since you were what? Five? Yes, and that's what I, that's what I always tell people. Like you know, you were pretty much born into it. My ex-wife was, you know, she was very sexual and she could have sex with random people like you know, just meet somebody and have sex with them. And she told me one time she said I can't imagine ever stealing anything like how? And I said, well, I can't imagine having sex with someone I didn't know.
:So that's how I related it to her and she was like mm.
:That makes sense, because most people can't imagine doing what I did. But I can't imagine being a prostitute or and not that I judge, because I don't, because everybody's got their story but that's one thing I never did. I was a exotic dancer for a while when I was younger and when I was in my 30s I did it, but I stopped doing it because I was just tired of the freaking nasty old men, you know, and the comments and the. I never let anybody touch me. I never had sex for money a day, ever in my life. I'd never been promiscuous, but I just had I not known how to do what I knew how to do, maybe I wouldn't have gone so far with it, maybe I wouldn't have become a criminal or maybe I would have sold my body, you know.
:But just random thought that I always have. Like with criminals, the planning and like the intelligence has to go behind the mastermind of this. I wouldn't be able look at you shaking your head. I've always thought, man, if criminals can take that energy and that intelligence and that and to yeah, can I tell you that?
:can I tell you that my daughter has that. My daughter has the mind to do anything like I did. My daughter Briana is very, very smart. She is. Briana could have at some point ended up like that, because if she'd ever got that in her system, she'd have been way better than I was. I always say that they're better versions of me. They're smarter, they're pretty, they're great people. Briana could have been a prosecutor. Morgan could be on every magazine cover. You know, it's just just.
:I love you, Briana. It's like what about me? Well, you're like two feet tall.
:That is beautiful.
:You're gorgeous, but she's beautiful. But Morgan is tall. Morgan is, morgan is. Yeah, you need the hype, but you aren't gorgeous. My daughter yes.
:She's like Briana would have been a damn good criminal. What do you want?
:to be a damn good model.
:No, that's not what I meant.
:No, I just always wonder about that, like why not put that like your dad sounds like he was on a step ahead. Why not put that energy into like a job Right?
:that's what people would always tell me like Dawn, you're smart, why don't you use your brain and like get a job. And I'm like a job what I didn't, I, I didn't.
:I think that's all you know.
:It makes sense about you, but you said your dad did not and your mom didn't. Come from right.
:I said I don't. I think that my dad Just he had a broken, how? I mean, his mom and dad were divorced, but that's half the country. Yeah, well, my dad, when he was 18. He had a really bad accident. He almost died. Okay Well, he did die legally, but they brought him back.
:But I believe that something my mom had always said, that she felt like something happened in his brain and my mom was just kind of like whatever you want. But the weird thing is is all those years I thought my dad was this master criminal and my mom was following him around like a lost puppy. When my mother died, I found her rap sheet in her stuff when at my house and it looked almost identical to mine. I'm like I'm looking up at the ceiling. I'm like, mom, you didn't tell me you had all these you know charges, like all these years and all these things that you did. It looked just like mine and I was like this is crazy. Like she never told me. Wow, I always feared I feared with Jessica a lot that Jessica was gonna end up like me, because Jessica was really street smart.
:She wasn't that intelligent, but she was smart, you know, and I was afraid that she was gonna try that route and she was. She was trying that route. As a matter of fact, she had just gotten her first felony charge. She was 27, just like me, and she had gotten a felony charge and I said, Jessica, you're gonna get probation for this and there's no way you can do probation. You know, they called me the day after she died and told me that she had a court date the following Monday and I had to send them her death certificate.
:But I feel like Jessica was on that track and so sometimes I feel like God saved her from Because she didn't have any kids, and I feel like God saved her from that life Because I don't know that she Would have been Okay. I don't know what would I feel like. As hard as it is to say, I feel like that that was predestined because and and Brianna and I talked about this recently and this is really hard for me to say but Jessica was away from me from 9 to 18, and so I feel like that was something that God knew was gonna happen in the future and that's why we were reunited Before she. You know, she was with me from 19 till she died, but I feel like, you know, I Don't know. I just I Feel like that was predestined my mom and and my daughter, because right before my mom died, I was distraught over a relationship, this person that I loved, julie.
:She had left me and I was so distraught I couldn't function, like I could barely go to work, I could barely function, and my mom would always say, please just spend some time with me. You know, and I would, mom, I'm sorry, I just can't, you know. And I was staying with my other ex because I could, I just couldn't be alone and I had a. I was on the way to her house one night and had a really bad accident and I felt like God was telling me to stop and slow down, like something was about to happen. Looking back on it, I see that, but at the time I didn't, so I Stayed at my ex's because I couldn't walk and stuff.
:It was a really bad accident. So I stayed at my ex's house and and then my mom died. And then, jessica, you know, so it was like I felt like God was telling me to, because for a while I felt like God did that to get my attention. I'm like, why would God take my mother and my daughter to get me to wake up. Like I'm not that special, like why would he do that? But the thing was is that he knew that was gonna happen. So that's why he was trying to tell me to stop and look at what was going on around me, and I just did it.
:I mean, I know you can tell story after story after story, but I feel like that's that's a lie, that it's it's. You know it's interesting because we've talked to Bri and you know she gave us her version and then, hearing it from you, it kind of brings all of it together and it makes sense. Yeah, yeah, and I'm so happy that, because I know Brianna had a very hard time Letting you back in, so it makes my heart happy to see the two of you like on solid ground.
:And there's still healing to do.
:There's still things that Morgan and Briana have been through that I don't know about and I'm hoping at some point that they can. It's really, it's really hard to hear, like even just hearing like family members mistreating them or whatever. You know, when I was gone it's really hard because, you know, brianna's a mama bear and I was like that. I was like that, but then when it was out of my control, I just wanted to kill everybody who had ever said a mean thing to my child, but I couldn't, you know. So it's really hard to hear little bits and pieces.
:But I know that Morgan and Briana have a lot of stories and healing you know Briana has, I know Briana in particular Morgan, it might not have manifested yet because she doesn't have kids, but Brianna has a lot of abandonment stuff and she's always worried about if her kids are gonna feel any type of way. You know, and and I know why she does, because I would say exact same I'm still that way. I still Worry about them, but I'm so happy that Briana, I don't. They're amazing both of them. They've come out of all of this trauma like on top of the world, and I look at them and I think you know they're just they're everything, they're the best so.
:You're emotional. What's what's up?
:I Don't know. I think it just puts it into perspective. Maybe I don't. I don't know that we've ever We've never had an in-depth conversation like this and I.
:I think I know the stories right, but to actually hear it from you parent and I like see the struggle in the hurt.
:I think, more than anything, like the majority. So. So the way she talks about her mother is how I was with her, like she was always on a pedestal, she could never do any wrong in my life and in my eyes and all I wanted when I was young young was her. Like I, I would wake up just like in the middle of the night, being a child and just bawling my eyes out, like I want my mom, I want my mom. And then whenever I had my oldest, maddox at 18, it it went from like sadness, from being a child, and then to Just like having her home again back around when I was 17 and just like kind of forgetting all the past. And then the second my son was born, it was like I hated her because I, I, I couldn't fathom and I Was so angry, I was so, so angry.
:And then we all know I went through my Depression and and then you know, I turned to alcohol to heal the trauma. And so I can kind of understand not to that extent, but I can understand like Turning to something, and I I can't right now I can't fathom like no offense, but I can't fathom choosing drugs over my kids or a man over my kids but I. But at the same time, like after tonight, hearing that what if I, what my husband is a saint like? I mean he gets my damn nerve sometimes but he, what if I would have met somebody like my dad, right like in such a Tough time and a depressed time and a vulnerable time, I can't imagine how I met someone like my dad had I it would have turned out.
:You know what I mean and because it sounds like you were trying to every person that you've been around. You're trying to please them. You were trying to help your dad and please him, and then the men, and then the women. It's like you're always wanting that validation and I do this. Everybody. I although and you have that spirit too.
:Yeah, I do, and I and I, I think I'm just like In disbelief that my life turned out the way it did because, like I said, had I met a man like my father. Things could be different. And then I had, as soon as, as soon as I had Maddox, I had so many people that that were guiding me and helping me through all of this you and and dr Talley, who I consider to be my dad, and and muska, and yeah, it's just it puts it in perspective.
:I think, and I just I Know what it's like to feel guilt, like to make mistakes, that as a mother and then feel guilt because I have that with Maddox Not to the same extent, but I do have that and I just I want you to forgive yourself because it's I Think we obviously can't change the past and like what you did and things like that. Ultimately, you know we wish things would have been different, but I think to see you come out of it makes it even better, like it makes it's just I don't know.
:I always tell. I always tell Briana like I am, I'm so proud of my kids, like my kids are amazing and my kids broke this curse. My kids broke this curse and that's why when my therapist was talking today about writing my story and then burning some of the pages because those are chapters in the past I lost my shit because I was thinking what I wouldn't get to get rid of those memories. You know I don't think about them that often, but when I do it's it's really hard. But my kids are freaking awesome and you know it could have gone the other way. It could have, you know.
:And and my baby daughter, morgan, is, you know she's kind of newly single. So I've been like, oh my god, what if she meets a bad person and she becomes, you know, something happens, because I'm always terrified of that, even though Morgan Doesn't even take anything but vitamins, or I don't know if she takes vitamins right now, but Morgan's never, you know, had that addiction problem, but I'm scared that the wrong person could bring it into her life. And and again, I want to clarify I'm not blaming anyone but myself, but you know it's it's hard because it was really all I knew, and even the struggles with losing my kid, like my kids, me going to jail and stuff like that. That's the way I grew up, so it was like it's devastating, it's horrible, but how do you change it, how do you fix it? And so today I can honestly say my kids are effing warriors.
:Okay, my kids are warriors, and I don't know that they would be the women that they are had they not been through the things they've been through, because there's some 26 and 29 year olds that you talk to that have not had these struggles and then they don't know they're not Equipped for this world. You know as well as my kids are, and not saying that makes it good, but and and you know all of us are strong They've lost two siblings. Like who does you know? Who does that happen to you? Yeah, and you know, for a while I thought they were gonna lose their mom. You know they they had pretty much. You know, I Know that Brianna had pretty much come to terms with that. But death is so final, you know, even with my mom, like when she died, you know it was just.
:It's so final and so even if you think you're preparing yourself, when it's done like it's a different emotion. Yeah, totally different. Yeah, yeah, definitely, especially when, if there was no closure, oh, that would have, that would have messed you up, girl.
:Yeah, oh, yeah, I know. I know and I think, for me ever. For for so long it's like I've been expecting the phone call about my mom or my dad. I never expected a phone call about my brother and my sister, right Like, and I still to this day, I'm gonna get a phone call any day about my dad, any day.
:I I just I pray that doesn't happen. But you know I was estranged from my father when he died. We talked on the phone but you know I was estranged from him pretty much and it didn't make it. I mean, it didn't make it easy. I still have my childhood memories of my dad. I don't know how many brandy Morgan half, but I'm not many.
:I had a you know, my therapist was like what's the earliest thing you can remember? And I said, when I was four and I was jumping On the bed and I was saying my ABCs and I said them all the way and my dad grabbed me and hugged me and threw me in the air. I still remember that. So, yeah, my, I always said my dad was not a bad man, but as he got older he was very self-centered and as he got older it got worse. You know, but I forgive him, I forgive my mom, I I'm trying, I'm working. That's the one person I have. All our time for giving is done, but I'm working on it. That's something that I'm working on and all these things that have been through in my life. I have never been to therapy till now.
:So this is your first time you know therapist and getting it all out, getting it all out and then finding not just getting it out, but finding out why my brain was the way that it was. I was such a rule breaker like I Breanna can tell you, like I would, freakin we'd be in a restaurant. I just take some shit just because like there's a sign on the wall and it's just, I'm just gonna take it and walk out with it.
:You know I was, just it wasn't. No, because klepto is really a mental disorder where people have to take things, even when they have money and stuff. I the only time I stole is when I was on drugs, but but I was just a rule breaker, like I didn't, but I was scared of the police and I was telling my therapist. Today it breaks my heart because my daughter is 29 years old and doesn't do anything wrong. It doesn't have a criminal record, but you let a cop get behind her and she's gonna Dance all over herself. Oh yeah, oh, literally, even though she's not nothing's wrong. There's no warrants for her.
:You know she just, and that that hurts me because Just now, at 49, like I'm not scared of the police. I deal with the police all the time, like I see them all the time, I talk to them all the time, like it's no big deal to me anymore because I.
:Get behind me.
:I'm taking the first turn, you're done because of the way that her childhood and her mom would quite often run from the police and she would Sometimes be with me and that was hard for.
:Yeah, they would always give us teddy bears that's terrible.
:Oh, that's terrible yeah.
:I'm like you, take my mom, give me a teddy bear. What the hell is this?
:Oh yeah, but, but I mean, like I said, that's the kind of things that I went through growing up.
:That's why my kids don't have to do so. Even I'm just kidding, even though I knew that it was wrong.
:Of course I knew it was wrong. I knew right from wrong, probably when I was five, yeah, but I don't know why I Can't answer why I did what I did or why it took me this long to stop. But you know, I, just when I first went into recovery, I was like I'm 48 years old, like I might as well be dead, like it's too late, you know, and all this, okay, okay, that's not old.
:But you have lived a life, yeah, but yes, I mean, after that whole story you would think you're like 80 years old or something.
:That was a long story now the way I look at it is I'm 49. I still have a lot of life. Yes, I know I like it. Doesn't they don't like for in recovery. You're not supposed to say like I'll never use again, but I know what leads up to it and I know what to stay away from.
:So as long as I do that, then I'll be okay, yeah and as long as I always, I'm gonna have to keep recovery as a part of my life. Yeah, you know, probably not five meetings a week like I had you now, but it'll be, you know Well I wish you the best because I've seen the journey and yeah.
:I've only seen it one-sided, so you know I've been around you, but I've never heard you talk about any of this, so I appreciate you coming on, Thank you. Thank you for having me Come on any time Do you have any other stories? Trigger warden if you're afraid of police officer or feds. Didn't talk about specifics, yeah, but yeah, I didn't use any names, but exactly, but if you ever want to come on and we're whoever knows of anybody With a public, any publishing, we want to write a book?
:Well, not we she wants to write a book.
:Maybe a movie comes out of it.
:It could be a lifetime.
:Who do you want to play you in the movie? Okay, what actress do you want to play you as an adult?
:as it right now. Oh, we're gonna get that Wednesday Adams girl to play you. Can I just say that, yeah, like Sandra Bullock okay. Yeah, yeah, you think that's something that my father, my father, told me that we related to her. I went to the same high school as her.
:I don't know that, I'm not saying that, but you have the same last name.
:But we have your list, julia. We went to the same.
:We went to the same high school and grew up in the same town and my dad said that she was like a fifth cousin, but I've never met her. I don't know if that's true or not.
:But you have the same last name. Yeah, but. And you went to the same school? Yeah, in the same town.
:Of course you're related to them. Oh, she's a couple of years older.
:Okay, there's a relation there, I'm sure, I'm sure so very cool about. Okay, julie, yeah.
:I don't know. I don't know who we would get, but we're gonna head of ourselves. No, I know I. My main thing is I always wanted to write a book, but I couldn't write it until I had an ending, because you can't write a book when you're still fine.
:It's like what is that Someone actually said that to me one time why not you?
:write it and you can finish like you can do it.
:You have a party too, yeah but no, I'm glad that.
:I'm glad that I waited and regardless, you know, it's just really I want to help. I would love to help people that are Children of criminals, are going through the thing children of addicts that are going through. God, I wish I could have talked to my 20 year old self. Oh my god, what I would give.
:I mean, I think I've learned. I've just I've learned through reading and podcasts and all the things that I listen to. It's like we always want to look back to the past and shoulda, coulda, woulda, and that's just so detrimental to our spirit To go back and I think until we learn that, okay, that's the past, like you said, they're stronger for it. Yeah, you wish they didn't go through that to be the strong. But, like there's lessons that we learn from it and we have to like, let it be and be the best version that we can moving forward. And I feel like, once we figure that out, it's not easy, easy moving forward, but it's easier to move forward.
:I will say as like, as a mother, obviously, like I wish we didn't go through that, but as a mother, there are things, especially a young mother having my son so young. There are things with my kids that I don't feel like I would have appreciated so much. Like I can do something random like go to Maddox's school and have lunch with him and then his friends be like oh, there's Maddox's mom, and that shit make like I cry every single time because I'm like I'm like my kids, my kids have it different, right Like, and so there's certain things that I appreciate now because of that. So thank you for that.
:Well, I would love, I'm sure you and my girls are freaking soldiers.
:They're awesome.
:They're soldiers They've because they went through all these things and they turned out like they did is a miracle to me Well you're a soldier, you threw some shit.
:Yeah, you've been through some shit and you feel like you're not Given yourself credit. Yeah, that's the word. Yeah For what you have to endure.
:Yeah, I really have an issue with that and that's something else I'm working on. But a lot of people judge me on like, oh, you're a criminal. It's really scary to tell people because people from my childhood would turn on me and start saying, well, don't let her come to our house because she's going to, and things like that. But I'm not that person. I'm not that person. I've never been that person. Like I said, I didn't steal from friends and family. That was some real stuff. I've never been that person to take from someone that I loved or someone that I knew. Not that that makes it any better, but I've always been a good person with a good heart. I just didn't Just got wrapped up with the wrong people.
:Yeah, for some decades. For how For?
:some decades. Yeah, it's OK.
:Well, I pray, moving forward, that we pick the right people, bring them to my house. I have a BS meter. Ok, I do too.
:And breed us too. One might as well always work, yeah, I think yours has been broken.
:Yeah, yours has been broken, but it's better now.
:But we'll fix it for you. Your ears is broken. No, Briana and I will be the BS meter and we'll put her through the ringer. Ok and, but you have to promise if we see some red flags she's out the door. Yeah, ok.
:All right and ask. So yeah, the last man that I was with was my kid's father. It's been almost 20 years, wow. So yeah, I definitely don't ever see any man coming into my life. No, no, no no no, no, no man in my life.
:Well, I appreciate you two coming on. Come on anytime If there's more stories that come up. Thank you.
:We're here for it. There's only going to be good stories now. Yeah, yeah, yes, we'll be able to update you, we'll be able to tell you I love it, I love it.
:I love this. And you said there's no happy ending. This is a happy ending, yeah, yeah, I mean, I know there's still more work to be done, but don't poo poo what you've already done.
:Yeah, don't poo poo the progress. I mean it might not be healthy. How close I am to my kids. I mean I talk to my kids like three or four times a day.
:Well, sabrina does love the phone. Yeah, she does love to talk to people a thousand times a day. I do, I'm not a texter.
:Somebody will text me.
:And she'll call, and I'll call I love it. Yeah, I can't stand to.
:I was like, oh, shit, she's calling me and then if anybody gets on the phone with me, it's not just like, hey, how you doing.
:It's going to be a five hour conversation. Yeah, that's awesome.
:I'm going elsewhere. Ok, then we'll like etiquette. She's just telling mom that's not the way it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be the other way around. But consider it.
:We love you. We love you for it. I can't love it, I do. We love you.
:I love you for it. All right, ladies. Well, thank you so much for having us.
:Thanks, thanks, thanks.
:Awesome Bye.
:I will leave you with this. Acceptance of the past does not mean that everything that happened was justified or right. It does not mean that you wanted it to happen that way. It means that you will no longer bear the weight of yesterday into today. It means that you'll no longer bring pain to your todays because of what happened before. And acceptance isn't really about yesterday anyways. It's about all of the days still ahead of you. It's about choosing to break free of your past to live the most out of all the beautiful things that still lie ahead. Sometimes it's really hard to accept your past, but it's even harder to continue carrying your past with you.
:Thank you so much for listening to Virago 24-7. If you haven't done so already, go ahead and hit that Subscribe button and please give us five star ratings. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Virago24 underscore seven and on Facebook at Virago24 slash seven, and just connect with us and share your story. We'd love to hear from you. Just give me my space to move, and it's my thoughts, what I want. What I want.
