Virago 24/7

Breaking the Cycle Part 1

• Lyanette Talley • Episode 76

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What happens when a family's dark history of crime, addiction, and evasion of the law catches up with them? This powerful episode invites you on a journey through a troubled past with our guests, Dawn Roberts and her daughter, Briana Deck. Tune in as Dawn confesses her criminal past, shares her story of recovery, and demonstrates how she's breaking the generational cycle of destruction that has plagued her family.

From teaching her daughter to shoplift to coping with the arrest and subsequent sentencing of her parents, Dawn opens up in a brutally honest discussion about their lives before and after recovery. Dawn shares her experiences growing up with a criminal mother and father, always being on guard and ready to flee. We also delve into the impact of living with a family member wanted by the law and the repercussions that follow.

But it's not all bleak. In this candid conversation, we celebrate Dawn's victory over addiction, marking her one-year sobriety milestone. Hear their stories of survival, endurance, and the strength they found in their struggles. This episode is a testament to the power of redemption, love, and the importance of breaking destructive cycles. We're reminded that no matter how dark the past, there's always a chance for change and redemption.

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Everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors!

Music by Deli Rowe: "Space to Move"
Logo by Kaylin Talley


Lyanette Talley:

Hi, I am your host, Lyanette Talley, and you are listening to Virago 24-7. Virago is Latin for female warrior and 24-7 is for all day, every day. Virago 24-7 is a weekly podcast that brings diverse women together to talk about life and our experiences in this world. We share our views on self-love, mental health, marriage, children, friendships and really anything that needs to be talked about. Here you will find everyday growth, everyday healing with everyday warriors. Hey, everybody, hello, hi, so not alone this week. I've been alone all by myself for the past few weeks, and we have Briana Hello, who was Briana Brooks, but now you're Briana Deck. Yes, I am, and so Bri has been on the show quite a bit of times. Well, twice or three times.

Dawn Roberts:

Yeah.

Lyanette Talley:

I don't know. We recorded one that we just threw in the trash because we didn't like it. So, anyways, everyone has Bri and I believe your episode that everyone talks about was, I think, episode two or three.

Lyanette Talley:

Yeah, it was one in the beginning and everybody that's listened to it has reached out and been like, oh my gosh, it made me cry, it's a poor girl and it's so sad and all these things. So if you heard that and if you haven't go back and listen. She talks a lot about her mother and her upbringing and guess what, what Drumroll Will you tell them who's here with us today? My mother.

Lyanette Talley:

The people have listened and they have been like poor Briana and we got you on Virago. This is a big deal. I don't think you know.

Briana Deck:

Yeah, it's going to be famous.

Lyanette Talley:

So, dawn? Yes, ma'am, thank you for being here today. Thank you for having me. How did Brianna convince you to come on?

Dawn Roberts:

Actually she just asked me. I thought it would be a good opportunity for her to hear a lot of things that she might not remember about the way that I grew up, so maybe that would help her understand a little bit better.

Lyanette Talley:

So let's rewind a little bit, because we've talked to Brianna, we know her upbringing and then we talked to you a year later. You got married and you just had a baby.

Dawn Roberts:

I did Beautiful, beautiful baby.

Briana Deck:

I did yes, just had a little boy.

Lyanette Talley:

And his name is Axel, axel, and he's the cutest little thing.

Briana Deck:

Thank you, and he loves his titillian. Yes, he does.

Lyanette Talley:

I mean, that's what I tell myself. I feel very special when I hold him because he makes you feel like you're the only one for him. Yeah, he does.

Briana Deck:

Yes, he does, he does, he's the only one for me.

Lyanette Talley:

So you had a baby. I did, and I know the last time we talked you weren't speaking to your mother. I was not. So you tell me where do you want to start?

Briana Deck:

Bri. So the last time I was on William and Ed's Red, I wasn't speaking to my mother. I didn't speak. How long was it, mom?

Dawn Roberts:

Without an actual conversation other than me calling you and you hanging up on me, probably close to a year.

Briana Deck:

Yeah, I think I just got to the point where I was exhausted with the situation, with both my parents and I was in such a happy, healthy place in regards to getting married and growing my own family and I felt like if I was still holding on to all of those negative feelings and the trauma from the past, it was going to affect my mental health, which would bleed into the family that I'm creating. And, although it was tough, I mean I've always wanted a relationship with my mother. I mean every child does, every adult woman does, especially when you're getting married and having kids and things like that. But, like I said, it was just exhausting and I felt like I was watching her kill herself, essentially Like she was just miserable and every time I talked to her I could just feel her fading away. And then she decided to go into recovery, for real this time, because she went into recovery about was it two years ago.

Dawn Roberts:

Three years ago. Three years ago, I didn't go into recovery for myself. I went to pacify my family and my partner at the time. I didn't go for myself. So it was different this time.

Briana Deck:

Yeah, and so even then, when she went back, I still was skeptic, of course, and still had not a lot of faith in her, unfortunately. But after a couple of months I could, even just talking to her on the phone, I could hear the change. I could hear how present she was, I could hear how much she wanted to be better, I could hear that she wanted to heal, and so I decided to give her a go and we just celebrated her one year sobriety date.

Dawn Roberts:

Yes, we did On Sunday it was great Congratulations, thank you, thank you very much so how many times have you been to rehab?

Dawn Roberts:

So this is my third time, but, like I said, the other two times that I went, it was for other people. This time it was different. I don't know if Jessica I mean if I'm Breanna talked about her older sister that died. That was. I was always an addict as far as I can remember my early 20s, but when Jessica died in 2020, something changed for me. I just I wanted to die. At that time, I wanted, I just wanted to die, and I told myself that my other two daughters would be better off without me, and I just came to her crossroads. Did I want to die and affect their lives that way, make them potentially suffer for the rest of their lives way worse, or did I want to fight and try to get better, and I'm so glad that I fought. It was hard at first, but my life is amazing today because of it.

Briana Deck:

She is literally a different person, like 100% different, and it's like the little things that I can appreciate, Like I know that if I call her she's going to answer. I know that if she says I'll be there in an hour, then she's actually going to be there in an hour and not two days later.

Briana Deck:

Right, Like it's, it's it's the little things that that are so different and although my childhood was was tainted and and obviously pretty effed up, I would rather have my mother for my children, like I want my, my kids to have their grandmother, and things like that. So just seeing her relationship blossom with my children and and my little sister and things like that has been a huge blessing that I'm really, really grateful for. And I think that with addiction and trauma and things like that, it's a cycle. Like my entire family, on both my mom's side, my dad's side, it is this like one big cycle, generation to generation of criminals and addicts and abuse, and I mean the list goes on and on. So I think it would be really cool to get an understanding of like my mom's story and because I feel like right now we're breaking the cycle, like we have my mom and we have myself and we have my little sister and my mom is sober now and and she's on the right path and you know, my sister and I are doing really well for ourselves.

Briana Deck:

So I feel like we're we're breaking the cycle after a long time.

Dawn Roberts:

Yes, definitely.

Lyanette Talley:

So you just mentioned generations and generations. So, dawn, like, how far back does this cycle go? Like? Do you even know, does it?

Dawn Roberts:

start with your parents, grandparents, great-grandparents.

Dawn Roberts:

What's really weird is it starts with my parents. They did not grow up with addicted parents or addicted family members, an alcoholic here or there, but no criminals or real drug addicts. So my mom and dad as far back as I can remember my earliest recognition was about five my dad would put me in windows of businesses, houses, and my job was to go unlock the door so he could go in and take things. That went on for a long time. I was like a little baby criminal in a sense. I would always be a good lookout and know if the police were coming or anyone was coming. That went on for a little while and my dad ended up going to prison when I was about almost six and so during that time I was left with my mom and my mom.

Dawn Roberts:

I never thought my mom was a criminal, but I just thought it was my dad making her do bad things. But my mom got on. I have the drugs really bad heroin, really bad drugs and so she would haul me around with her downtown Atlanta, the bluff. Three o'clock in the morning I'd be sitting in her car with her gun holding it, just because I was scared, with the doors locked because there was all kind of people walking around outside, and the drug dealers wouldn't let her bring me in the house, so I would sit in the car on the floorboard with her 38 and just hold it. I'm not even sure if I knew how to shoot it, but I was gonna try if somebody came to get me.

Lyanette Talley:

So you were all by yourself in the car. Yes, for hours, for hours, and you were like six. You said I was about six then, yeah and when your dad was taking you to these homes to burglarize them, did you understand what was happening like where you were?

Dawn Roberts:

Something was wrong. I definitely knew something was wrong, but I didn't understand the gravity of it. When they came to get him, he was hiding. He had made a little makeshift hideout in the attic of our house and I'll never forget. When they found him he dropped a zippo lighter. They found him and they jerked him out and they were, you know, handcuffing him and and I was screaming at them and yelling at them. I understood that they found a bunch of electric typewriters in the trunk of his car that he had stolen from businesses. So I understood that all of it was wrong, what he was doing. But he was my dad and so I would lie to protect him. I would say whatever. And so While my dad my dad was in prison for three years and I was with my mom and I would never I would hide in the back of my mother's car.

Dawn Roberts:

She had a hatchback and I would hide so that she wouldn't leave the house without me, because I felt like I had to protect her. So I went everywhere with her and she would take me shoplifting Every day. We would go to Different malls and different stores and she would steal stuff and I had my little purse and she taught me how to cut the Beepers off of the clothes and how to fold in them, put them in my little purse. And I remember one time I Was going out the door before her because she told me to get out of the store and I went through, you know, one of those Emergency exits and the alarm started going off and I started screaming and crying and through my purse and I said my mom didn't do anything, they didn't look in my purse, they just thought I was a hysterical, lost child. So, but those, those things, my mom would always give me a hundred dollar bill and take me to Lionel Playworld and Let me go in and spend my hundred dollar bill. That was what I got for going with her every day.

Dawn Roberts:

And I remember getting off the bus like, mom, please, I don't want to go today, I just want to play with my friends. You know, and she would never, she would just don't, please, I need you to go with me and and I'll give you a hundred dollar bill, you know. So that was a big thing. I mean, hundred dollars was a lot back then, but you know, I knew it was wrong. I was scared all the time. I remember one time my sister and I were with her. She would never let my sister go, my older sister. I was just gonna ask do you have?

Lyanette Talley:

siblings like I'm, like you just going by.

Dawn Roberts:

My older sister. She would never let her go because my mom said she was dumb, that she would get her caught. My mom, always my mom, called me mom, mommy, my whole life, and she would say mommy is everything. Okay, you know, and I would have to assure her that we're gonna get out of the store. Okay, just come on, stop being a baby, you know.

Briana Deck:

I was the opposite with you.

Dawn Roberts:

Yeah, it, yeah, it was. What do you mean?

Lyanette Talley:

I'm gonna get. We'll get to that, we'll get to that.

Briana Deck:

The story you told about like walking ahead of grandma.

Dawn Roberts:

Yeah, yeah.

Briana Deck:

I would. So can I tell the target? Yeah, real quick.

Dawn Roberts:

There's my life. Okay, I'm gonna tell this story.

Briana Deck:

Intermission because it reminded me of that. So for some reason, I always knew when my mom was about to get arrested. Every single time I knew yes or no. Yes, it was like I had this gut instinct that that shit was about to go down.

Dawn Roberts:

Which is how I was with my mother.

Briana Deck:

Yes, and I didn't. Um, I Knew exactly what was happening, even from an early age. Like I knew exactly what she was doing. I knew she was on drugs, I knew she was stealing. Well, we went to Target one time and and you were at customer service or something, and I was like mom, we need to leave right now. Something's not right. And she got so frustrated with me she's like she's like no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine, I'm like we have to leave now. And so she carried on what she was doing. And then we go to walk out the door and I walked in front, just like she did with her mom. I walked in front of her and all of a sudden I hear screaming and my mom's like I'm not gonna bite you, I'm not gonna bite you, and these undercover security guards have her, or police officers, whatever they were.

Dawn Roberts:

I was fighting them at first, trying to get out from them.

Briana Deck:

Yeah, and so I was like oh shit, I knew it was coming, and then they took us to the lost prevention room prevention room and I, how old was I? 11?

Dawn Roberts:

about 11?

Briana Deck:

I was 11 years old and my mom was in handcuffs and I was like my sister has asthma. Did I come up with that or did you? I did?

Dawn Roberts:

I said my daughter needs to take my purse because it's her sister's medicine, isn't there?

Briana Deck:

I was like my sister has asthma and I need to take my mom's purse. And she told them you know, let her take my purse or whatever. And I knew what I had to do.

Dawn Roberts:

Well, they actually didn't want her to take the purse and she grabbed it off of their desk and Took her sister and went to the bathroom.

Briana Deck:

Yeah, I went to the bathroom and I went into the the handicap stall and I got all of the I was worried about IDs and checks she had a stack of other people's drivers license because? Because Identity theft was like that was hobby of hers.

Dawn Roberts:

No, it wasn't my.

Briana Deck:

But she had a stack of like drivers licenses and credit cards and and drugs and checks and All in your purse and you knew that they were in there. I did and I took it all out and I wrapped it in paper towels and I shoved it. You know the metal trash cans they have in public bathrooms. I shoved it at the very bottom of the trash can.

Dawn Roberts:

And when she came back in I said, did you find your sister's medicine? She goes yeah, I got it all. And I was like, oh my god. But at that time, you know, I was obviously high. I was mortified Because I prided myself on not taking my children to commit crimes. You know, I never Like here, put this in your diaper bag. You know, like my parents did, I thought I was being a better mom. But so my mom, you know, obviously taught me how to shoplift, and so we did that for a couple years while my dad was in prison.

Dawn Roberts:

And the day that well, let me roll back so my mom was dating this man while my dad was in prison. So when we would go see my dad in prison, that guy would wait in the parking lot and I had to lie my dad and be like nothing was wrong, right. So that was very stressful for me. I hated it because I loved my dad. I didn't care, you know, everything he'd done. I just love my dad. And and so the day that my dad got out of prison, my mom was in labor with another man's baby, which is my little sister. Yes, yes, my mom was in the hospital Having my sister the day my dad got out of prison. My dad came to the prison, signed my sister's birth certificate that's why her last name is Roberts. So my dad comes home and me and my mom and my two my older sister and my new baby sister are living with our grandfather, because my parents always live with my grandparents at some point. So we're living there and everything's good for a while.

Dawn Roberts:

My little sister I thought she was mine I always took care of her because my mom Was still doing drugs and then my dad was doing drugs. So my mom Would let me in the room with them because I would pitch a fit. I put my butt up against the door and kicked the door and just screamed till they opened it. So I watched them, you know, shoot drugs and their veins and all that, and so a couple months it was probably about Maybe eight or nine months after my dad got out of prison, I came home from school one day and my mom and my dad were gone. My baby sister was there, my older sister was there, but my mom and my dad were gone. So we had to go stay with a neighbor, a neighbor friend of mine.

Dawn Roberts:

I was 10, or no, I was almost 10. I was about nine and my little sister was 90 year old. No, she, I was 10, because she was it. Yeah, she was a baby baby. My other sister was 15. So we go stay with a neighbor and we don't really know what's going on. We just know that mom and dad had to leave because daddy's wanted by the police. Well, he had a probation violation warrant because he got caught doing it again. They were looking for him so they would come to the house and we were living about two houses down at my best friend's house with her mom, who was a prostitute.

Lyanette Talley:

Grandparents, we were.

Dawn Roberts:

Worked all the time. He worked at Lockheed and he couldn't. I mean, we were three, there was three of us a baby, a teenager or a 10 year old and a 15 year old. So no, my friend, jenny are they so?

Lyanette Talley:

are they your mom's parents or your dad's parents?

Dawn Roberts:

So my mom's dad and my dad's mom raised us. You wait, say that again, your. It was my mom's dad, huh, and my dad's mom. Okay, I went together. Oh, I was like, wait, a million, I'm getting to that. So so, my friends, mom sits us down, who?

Lyanette Talley:

was a prostitute? Yes, but I didn't know at the time.

Dawn Roberts:

But she'd always leave at night wearing fur coats and I'm like, where's your mom going it? You know, living a car, I wear a fur coat but I didn't, you know, question it. So we're living at my friends and we're being pretty much mistreated because we're not their kids and they don't even want us, like we just got dumped on them. So I'm really protective of my little sister. I'm hot, you know, carrying her around on my hip everywhere I go, afraid to go to school because I don't want to leave her there with them, you know. So she sits us down and she says your mom and dad are gonna come back and get you. They're gonna come back and get you all. They had to go get settled somewhere and they're gonna come back and get you. And that's all we knew. So it was about a month and a half to two months.

Dawn Roberts:

My mom and dad pull up in U-Haul one day or my mom did and Puts us all in the truck and I don't even remember if we had stuff. I don't think we dig some. Remember neighbors and people giving us clothes. So my dad tells us we're moving to New Orleans and your last name Is gonna be Rockers, our. Okay, you are TZ instead of Roberts. He wanted it to be similar so that we could remember. So, the whole way to New Orleans I remember we had this U-Haul with the car on the back and I remember him giving my sister and I a piece of paper and having us write that name like a hundred times over and over and over so that when we got to New Orleans and we got in school that we would not write the wrong name. So we get there and we've got this nice townhouse and we've got all this stuff and brand new video games and TVs in our room and all this, and so I'm cool with it. You know, okay, I'm Rocker. I was like I want my name to be Christie. But I was like you can't change your first name and I'm like why, I don't understand, you're changing our last name, I might not change my first name. And he's like, because somebody's gonna say Christie and you're asking, gonna turn around. So he coached us, you know.

Dawn Roberts:

So I remember I was in fifth grade, I was in school and I wrote down the wrong name on my paper and I Freaked out. I saw it immediately and I started tearing it up and I started crying. My teacher was like honey, what's wrong? And I said I missed it, my paper. I missed it, my paper. So she gave me another paper and I, like put the trash in my pocket so that wouldn't be nobody could find it, you know.

Dawn Roberts:

So I was pretty stressed out, you know. So we were there About eight months, maybe a year, and I come home from school one day and there's a big haul truck and there's people walking away with my toys and my stuff and I'm like what's going on? My dad's like we're going to New York. So, well, my mom and dad already have all of our stuff packed up and I Remember, like trying to grab some toys that I wanted, like I'm taking this, you know, you know, and so we went through and my mom, mind you, my mom and dad fought all the time because I guess they were pretty stressed out.

Dawn Roberts:

You know, and it wasn't. It wasn't even that big of a deal, it was a probation violation. It wasn't even that big of a deal. So we go to North Carolina and my dad says, okay, your name is gonna be Smith, so we have to write Don Smith hundreds of times on this paper. And I, at this point, you know, I know that it's wrong, but I know that we're on the run and if we get caught my parents are going to jail, so I don't care like, I'm gonna do whatever I can to protect them. So we moved to North Carolina and they always had like fake IDs. And my dad, I remember finding their file box one time and there was like him with blonde hair, red hair, beards no beard, you know, bald even. But my mom never changed her. But my mom went to the Social Security office to apply for our social security cards so that we could go to school. Well, the lady at the Social Security office got suspicious so she called it in and our tag was registered to our house, you know.

Dawn Roberts:

So I came home from school one day and I just remember seeing and I'm marked police car, like I knew what it was, and there was these two men in suits and I'm like I stopped them. I'm riding my bike in the apartment complex we live in and I stopped them and I'm like what apartment are you looking for? And they're like to a or whatever you know. And I'm like, oh, it's down there. Well, it was the other way. So I get on my bike and I go home as fast as I can. I Drop my bike at the bottom of the stairs and I go up the stairs. I'm like they're here. They're here and my dad's like who's here? About that time they knock on the door and I'm standing behind my dad and I'm terrified and they're wearing suits. There's two men in suits and they're like that's a cute kid, you got right there, you know.

Dawn Roberts:

So they said we're just here to question your parents. We're not taking anybody to jail, we just want to talk to your parents. Because I'm hysterical. So I jump on the phone. I'm calling my grandmother in Georgia. I'm like you're gonna have to come get us. Mom and daddy, you're going to jail. You know, I didn't know that they were marshal, federal marshals, because it was social security, so I just thought they were detectives. I mean, I was used to cops and detectives. So I'm on the phone, my grandmother.

Dawn Roberts:

They take my parents back to their bedroom and my mom is on the bed holding my little sister and my dad is sitting on like a bar stool in the corner. And my sister comes into the living room and I'm hysterical, like I'm freaking out. She come, my older sister, she's 15. She comes to the living room and she says daddy wants his gun. And I'm like you know, I didn't. I knew he wouldn't kill anybody, but like I was terrified, like are you kidding me right now? And I remember she put her fist in my face and she said I'll go to jail. I'm too old, you have to do it.

Dawn Roberts:

So, and I was already scared of guns because I'd seen my dad hold guns on people. So I put the gun in the front of my pants Little ten years old, little tiny thing. And I walk in the bedroom and I look at the Marshall and I say can I please give my daddy a hug? And he said of course you can't. So I walked over there and I raised my arms up to hug him, put my arms around his neck and I said the guns in my pants. And about that time I heard turn around, put your hands up against the wall. I felt like I was in a movie. I it was so surreal, like I was just. I Was hysterical. My mom was hysterical. My other sister I don't know where the hell she was. I Think she was hiding somewhere. She was. My dad calls her in there and tells her to take their guns and take the bullets out. So she does, and and she puts bullets in her pants pocket and she puts her their guns in the living room under the wait wait this?

Lyanette Talley:

Wait the detectives, yeah, the federal marshals. The marshals, yes, because they're not detectives, they're federal marshals. They're federal marshals. Oh my gosh, ok, ok.

Dawn Roberts:

So my sister does that. And then they're like Mr Roberts, we have families, you know, we have children, Please don't hurt us. And my dad's like I'm not going to hurt anybody. And they're like what do you want? And he said I want an eight hour head start. I'm not going by the prison, I just want to take my family and leave. So they're like, OK, OK.

Dawn Roberts:

So he handcuffs them to the closet. We have like a closet in our room that was on tracks. I mean they could have dirted off, I guess. But anyway, he handcuffs them to the closet. We go out the door. I'm in the hatchback of the car looking out the window for miles and miles and miles, thinking they're going to come with helicopters. They're going to, you know, because I still at this point did not know they were federal marshals. So we go to. I don't know where we went. We went back towards Atlanta, but we ended up staying at the Claremont Lounge in Atlanta, which is like there's a strip club in there. It's like a very seedy lived there. Yeah, so this is what happened. So my grandfather, who was my dad's mother, worked at Lockheed.

Dawn Roberts:

My grandfather, your wait, I mean my grandfather, who was my dad's, my mom's dad, oh sorry, ok, my dad's, I mean my mom's dad. Ok, my grandfather worked at Lockheed Martin, which is obviously a government-run facility. My grandmother worked at Keniston Hospital in Marietta. They both had jobs forever. So they were going to draw their 401k and give it to my mom and dad so that we can move to Texas. And I don't know what our name would have been then, but we were going to move to Texas.

Dawn Roberts:

So we're staying in this seedy, fricking, nasty place and I'm constantly just aggravated Like I just wanted to. I wanted something to happen because I was so tired of it and my mom and dad would always turn off the lights and say, darling, look out the window, there's something, there's somebody out there. You know, because they were using and I would have my little sister, and my older sister was just like you know, I mean, she blessed her heart. She didn't really know what was going on.

Dawn Roberts:

And so one night my mom and my older sister had gone down to the laundromat, which was in the basement in the Claremont Lounge, and prior to that there was a weird maintenance man and I'd always see him like creeping around the halls and stuff, and he freaked me out Like I was scared of him. And so my mom and my sister went down to the basement to do laundry and I had my baby sister and my dad was in the room. My mom wanted me to stay up there with her. So I just remember my dad saying there's some blue vans outside and I'm like I'm so tired of this. So I take my little sister on my hip and I walk out the door and as soon as I shut the door there was a gun in my head.

Lyanette Talley:

So, brianna. Yes ma'am, you're a mother and you have a newborn. I do and I'm sure you're tired Every day, and I'm sure you do gin coffee.

Briana Deck:

I don't. I like energy drinks.

Lyanette Talley:

I discovered a new drink called Magic Mind. It's little, so if you are a caffeine drinker, if you drink coffee, it's kind of to boost what you're already doing. But also for those who drink 1,000 cups a day, instead of drinking 1,000, you drink one cup and then you drink this little. It's this big, it's like two ounces. It's green, and I started taking it maybe two weeks ago, three weeks ago, and I do drink coffee, not every day, but I've been drinking it by itself and I've been drinking it with coffee. And again, it's called Magic Mind. It has six natural ingredients, so one of them is called matcha, oh yeah. And so there's caffeine in matcha, and it says that it takes longer to release the caffeine and it helps reduce stress. And then this one I had to Google.

Lyanette Talley:

This ingredient is called ashwanda. Oh yeah, ashwanda. Yes, it's quiet, yeah, but it's been around for centuries. They used to use it medicinally. And how the hell do you know these? Because when I was Googling it, when I heard it, I didn't know any of these Really. So ashwanda, and then I had to learn how to pronounce it. So ashwanda helps reduce anxiety, which we both have, yes, and stress, which we both have, yes. And then there's this thing called lion's mane mushrooms and that helps with anxiety and inflammation and it supports cognition. And then the other three ingredients I did not learn how to pronounce, because I can only pronounce ashwanda and matcha, but no, all of them. Every single ingredient helps with focus, energy levels and memory and everything that we need to help support our day to day Awesome.

Briana Deck:

So when can you buy that?

Lyanette Talley:

If you're interested, there's a website, it's wwwmagicmindcom. And then if you enter the code LEONET20. So L-Y-A-N-E-T-T-E-20, you can get up to 56% off of the subscription, or if you're doing a one time purchase, you get 20% off. So that's LEONET20 for 56% off. If you don't like it, there's no risks. They will refund your money, no questions asked. Again, it's wwwmagicmindcom, with the discount code LEONET20, 56% off subscription, 20% off, one time purchase Awesome.

Briana Deck:

I'm going to try it.

Lyanette Talley:

So you should try it.

Briana Deck:

And let me know what you think Definitely. Thank you, I'll meet my space to read.

Lyanette Talley:

We'll get at what you want To hear more amazing female warrior stories. Hit that subscribe button and give us a five star rating. We would truly appreciate the love. Now back to our show. That's my thoughts, what I want, what I want.

Dawn Roberts:

What I want and they said like that, you know. So I Tell me to get down the hall. So I go, and this is where the part that doesn't sound real but it's real. I go to the elevator and I'm pushing the button and the elevator won't come. So I take the stairs, I go down to the basement and there's blood everywhere. There's clothes everywhere.

Dawn Roberts:

So my, my thought at this time was these are mafia people. My dad, we always watch like scarface and stuff. So I'm thinking these are drug people. They've come to kill my parents. They're wearing black fatigues, they have a black mask. You can't see their faces so I don't know who they are.

Dawn Roberts:

So I Go running up the stairs to the lobby and I asked this man at the front desk Can I have a dime? He gives me a dime, I run over to the payphone. I'm calling my grandmother and I've got my little sister on my hip and all of a sudden this hand reaches around and hangs up the phone and Said this is the little bitch that gave her dad the gun and jerk my sister from me. My sister was screaming bloody murder like I was like you, mother, fuck. You know I was cussing and I was like, give her back to me. They would not give her back to me. They had a lady they had all. Okay, they were all wearing suits at this at this time.

Dawn Roberts:

What I did not know is that my dad was charged with kidnapping two federal marshals. So my dad was literally on the FBI's most wanted list I don't know what number and there was not the show back then because this was a 1984 but he was one of their top priorities. Every federal agent in Atlanta knew who my dad was, because when the federal marshals reported it, they said that my dad tried to kill them. They said that my mom told them to kill my dad, to kill them, which was all lie.

Dawn Roberts:

My mom was actually screaming and crying, like begging him to stop. I was begging him to stop. So they take my little sister and they take us to three, three separate beings outside one for my mom, one for my dad and one for me, my sisters and I remember hearing my mom and dad scream, my mom screaming for my dad, but my dad was unconscious because they had come in the window. They had propelled from the roof and come in the window and he tried to kill himself. He had the gun to his head. So they took him down like he was. They beat the hell out of him.

Briana Deck:

Yeah, I knew the rest, but I didn't know.

Dawn Roberts:

So I Was petrified but also, in a sense, a little bit relieved. They took us to a parking lot at the old Sears building in Atlanta and my grandfather was there. So this started like a family feud because obviously my grandfather was the one that actually Told him where we were. But they were going to his job every day and telling him we're gonna shoot to kill. This man is armed and dangerous, we're gonna shoot to kill. So if your kid, if your daughter and your grandkids get killed because you're protecting this man, then you're gonna have to live with that. So eventually he told them because he did my grandfather I can't imagine what he was going through because he loved my mom, he loved us, you know and so he took us to our grandmother's house, which is my dad's mom. They both lived in Marietta, so Took us there and I remember walking into my grandmother's house and I think I was in shock because, like, I didn't know the severity of what they, what my dad, had done, but I knew it was pretty bad.

Dawn Roberts:

The next day it was all over the news. All over the news. There was a lot of Friends that I couldn't, that wouldn't talk to me because of you know, their parents were either in law enforcement or, of course, everybody knew. I Remember it was in the newspaper saying that I had given my father the gun, and I remember it said I was 11, I'm like those idiots, I'm 10, you know. But it was time, you know, and it was. They were trying to put charges on me but the DA wouldn't do it. It was a federal court. So I remember when we went to, we lived with our grandmother.

Dawn Roberts:

By this time we were 10, 1 and 15 and I just remember by the time we went to court for that, it was like a year later we went to the trial and I remember when the marshals got on the stand and they were telling what happened, I stood up and I was like you, mother f and liars like that, you know, because I didn't want my mom to be in trouble. My mom was already had embezzled a bunch of money, like 80 grand or something. So she they were already looking for her, but they dropped those charges and they charged her with aiding and abetting my father. But I just remember being walking into my grandmother's house that night after my parents had went, and feeling a little bit of relief, you know, and Picking out which bedroom I was gonna have and knowing that I was gonna be in a stable situation for a while Was a little bit of a relief. But I missed my moment. Like I was scared to death. I was worried about them. They didn't call very often.

Dawn Roberts:

At first my dad was in a max max like they treated him like he was a murderer, worse than a murderer, because he was charged with kidnapping two federal marshals and. But at the trial after all that happened, I remember they sentenced my father to 125 years. I Was unconsolable, like there was no way you were calming me down, like I was trying to climb over things. I was knocking stuff over. I was a, I was a pistol and I Was.

Dawn Roberts:

I thought that my dad was gonna spend the rest of his life in prison. Fortunately, back then it was the federal prison, isn't the federal system, isn't the way it is now. So at that time you only did a percentage of your time. Now it's like 85 percent. So now he would have spent the rest of his life in prison. So my mom and dad went to prison and I Was lost. I was so lost.

Dawn Roberts:

I didn't do drugs, I didn't steal, I just didn't know what to do. I fought a lot. I got into a lot of fights at school. Mostly it stemmed from me confiding in people and telling them my story and then them throwing it in my face or talking shit about me. If someone was being bullied, I would Fight the bully. I would always get in trouble for other people's stuff, you know. But I swore that when I grew up and had kids that I was gonna be the best mom Because of the things that I went through. I actually have a therapist and she told me that she wants me to write all this stuff down and that we're gonna burn some of it because it's the past and it made me cry because Sorry.

Dawn Roberts:

But, um so. So when I was 14 I met this boy and I I pretty much lived with him or he lived with me at my grandfather's house and we ended up getting married. And when I was 17 we got married and we bought a house and we had cars and you know, we had our, we had Our little life. And then we got pregnant and I had my oldest daughter when I was 18. I didn't do drugs, I didn't smoke pot. I didn't hang out with people that smoke pot. Her dad drank beer but I didn't think anything about that. It was never an issue.

Dawn Roberts:

And when I was 19 I met Brannon Morgan's dad and I Still didn't do drugs. He really didn't. He would take pills. I never thought anything about it. He would smoke pot and they're really thought anything about it. He was in a jail for not paying his child support. I know that. So I was like, oh, you've been to jail, I don't know if I can date you. You know that type of thing.

Dawn Roberts:

Because I was so Hell bent on being a good mom and a good person and one night we tried cocaine and I just remember Feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the world, like you're gonna be just like your mom. You know. No, I'm not gonna be like my mom. I would tell myself you know I'm I'm not gonna do drugs around my kids, I'm not gonna take my kids to steal, I'm not gonna be like my mom. So we had some rough Years because of the drugs and he would go to jail and I would get off the drugs and then he would get out and we'd do good for a while and then we would get back on him. And I remember so many nights that I remember one night in particular we were in a hotel room because we didn't we had sold my house and the kids were asleep and bed next to us you know how they have to two beds and I grabbed him by the back of the head and I pointed his head towards the kids and I said look at them, what are we gonna do? Look at them, like, what the fuck are we doing? Sorry, you can cause it's okay. And and I remember him telling me to calm down, it was gonna be okay. You know this is, before I'd ever been in trouble, the law. So this one for years and my mom, I remember my mom was out of prison, she'd married someone new, she was doing good, and she would See me and she would say what are you doing, don? What are you doing? And I would always tell her that I wasn't doing anything. She would say I know you're doing drugs, don, and I'm like, no, I'm not. No, I'm not, you know. I denied it, um, but I thought I could handle it. I never put a needle in my arm, so it's okay, you know.

Dawn Roberts:

And so went through years like that with the kids growing up, and I Ended up getting trouble for the first time when I was 27. Their dad was pretty much, you know, taking things from a company that he worked for, and but he had me doing it for him because they didn't know who I was. So I was going in stores and charging on like a company account and he told me like if he did it he would go to prison, but I'd never been in trouble, so they would just give me probation. So there again, I was protecting someone that I loved, and I remember when I would tell him I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it anymore, because I was scared he would get so mad at me and, um, we had a lot of fights about that, not saying he made me do it because I obviously, you know, I just thought that I had to protect him um.

Briana Deck:

Dad is a dick like he. He had like the worst temper and he I mean I've seen him beat the shit out of her like grab her by the throat, everything.

Dawn Roberts:

So, um, but we ended up going on the run with our three kids. Um, we didn't change names, but, uh, we ended up going to Texas because they had warrants for me, because they had found out who I was. And so we're on the run in Texas and it's Christmas Eve. We've been there about Not even a year. I had gotten a vehicle before we left Georgia, um, just pretty much stole the vehicle, like went and put a down payment and just never paid a payment and took it. And, um, we're in Texas and we're living on this farm, in the mill, in nowhere. It's like this gate. And it's Christmas Eve and we're stringing popcorn and there's Christmas music. And I look out the window and there's like eight SUVs coming down our driveway. They had ran the car and found out that I was wanted in Georgia and that they had an APB on the car.

Dawn Roberts:

And at that point I was so broken hearted because I knew. I knew what my kids were feeling. I went through the same exact shit, the same exact shit, and I remember Brianna telling me one time a couple years ago that's what makes me so mad is you know what this pain is like, and you did it to us and it made me too. And so they take us to Jill in Texas and my oldest daughter's grandmother comes and gets the girls and they had a dog and they had to leave their dog and my oldest daughter's father took her and Brianna and Morgan were with different family members, mostly their grandfather or their step grandfather, and I was in jail for just maybe two months and I got out and I went and I moved in with them at their grandfathers. I did anything and everything to try to keep us okay. I tried to get my other daughter back but she kind of wanted to stay with her dad and then I got in trouble again and I ended up going to prison. And I just remember, you know, my therapist asked me today, like what are some of the worst memories that I have? And it's putting my kids through what I went through, knowing like, feeling what they were feeling. I knew what they were feeling and so when I was in prison, I remember everybody was getting on medicine and I would not let myself get, you know, medicine to help them sleep and I was like your kids don't have anything to numb their pain and you're going to lay up in here and sleep. No, you need to freaking fill this pain so that you can stop. You know, and so fast forward.

Dawn Roberts:

I battled addiction for a long time. How long were you in prison? Four years and nine months. This is the part I didn't want to miss. So my mom went to prison when she was 32. She did four years and ten months. She was in a prison in Alderson, west Virginia, the same one that Martha Stewart was in. At different times, though this was in 1984, but they had cottages in the prison, and my mom was in a cottage called the Blair Cottage. It had like a sign that said the Blair Cottage. If anybody is listening, this has ever, you know, known anything about that. They would know. So fast forward to.

Dawn Roberts:

I'm 32, the same age as my mother. I get put in prison in the state of Missouri and they put me in the Blair Cottage, totally unrelated like their brick houses, just like what my mom was in. It's called the Blair Cottage. I did four years and nine months. I got out when I was 36. My mom got out when she was 36. Yeah, when I got out of prison, I got my kids back right away, like Brianna was 17. Morgan was 14. Jessica was 19. Yeah, 19. I moved them all in with me.

Dawn Roberts:

I did good for a little while, but I wasn't in recovery. I was just abstinent like a dry drunk or you know. I didn't have any recovery and I thought that I was good. I was working, the kids were in school, I had gotten my crap together. I thought everything was good and I was.

Dawn Roberts:

We were living with my girlfriend and one night she bought some meth home and I was like no, no, no, I'm not doing it, no, no. And she's like we'll just do it one time, we won't do it again, you know. So I remember that first night I did it, the girls were getting ready for homecoming the dance and I remember just thinking oh my god, oh my god, what am I doing? Oh my god, oh my god, you know. Just so I told her we were never going to do it again. Like that was it. And again, I'm not blaming these people because I was an addict, but I would.

Dawn Roberts:

I would drink sometimes and have to hide it from her because she didn't want me to drink and she smoked pot and it was just. It was a mess, it was a disaster. She was an addict, I was an addict. Neither one of us had any recovery. So it was a. It was a disaster. But I remember I caught her doing it behind my back, like I found some in her car or something, and I took it and I did it and she said, dawn, where's my shit, you know? And I was like what are you talking about, you know?

Dawn Roberts:

So it was that kind of thing where we were hiding it from each other and I started going to Luke, her drug dealer, and he would laugh. He'd say, oh, you just missed your girlfriend, but we weren't using together. It was the craziest thing. And so that relationship was destroyed and I started doing things to get the drugs. But I never have sold my body. That's something I've never done. So I would steal and get things for drug dealers so that I could get my drugs for free, because I didn't want to pay for them. I didn't have enough money to pay for them. So I would get things for them and I ended up getting into some trouble and I never went back to prison, by the grace of God. But over the next few years I was in and out of trouble and Brianna You've only been in prison once.

Dawn Roberts:

No, I've been twice. I went once when I was 27, for 16 months, I guess.

Briana Deck:

I spent time there, that's when we were with Aunt Jody.

Dawn Roberts:

Yeah, and then the last time was when I went for the four years and I'm lost.

Briana Deck:

How many times have you been to jail?

Dawn Roberts:

I'm not real sure a lot, but after prison I just kept getting off with a slap.

Lyanette Talley:

So jail is more like you're there for like a few days and then they go a couple of times but like waiting to go to prison.

Dawn Roberts:

I was in jail for a few months but you know my therapist. She asked me today. She said when you were like she's like most people, you know they go to prison and that's enough, you know. But I think I couldn't answer her why? Because I had people that would ridicule me and say you must like it. You know, I didn't like prison. I didn't want to leave my kids, I didn't want to be a bad mom. I wanted to be a mom since I was, since I can remember like I had little baby dolls I would treat like they were my kids and I wanted to be a mom for my whole life. That was like my main thing I was passionate about.

Dawn Roberts:

So failing at that, I think, for so long, is is what? Just it killed my spirit. It killed me it. And you know, right before I came into recovery this last time, I remember thinking you know you're not going to be able to do this, you're just going to hurt him again like why don't you just go ahead and just end it so that they don't have to worry about it? And I started. It was so weird because I started thinking about all the people that would affect you and your husband, everybody that loves my kids, because I can tell myself that people really didn't give a shit about me or have a pity party or whatever. But I started thinking about all the people that love my kids and what it would do to my kids, because at least right now, if I fail, my kids can call me and say you're a piece of shit, or they can talk about my mom's piece of shit. But if I was gone from this earth, like what would that do to them? And I started thinking about that and I just couldn't you know. And I would talk to Jessica in heaven and tell her Jessica, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this, you know, because she was very, she loved Brianna Morgan so much and she was very protective of them. And I know that she was saying you better get your ass up and take care of my babies.

Dawn Roberts:

And so I came, I went into a program that's. That's not just a rehab like, it's a very intense program I have before. I said, you know, I wish I would have found this program years ago, but I don't think it would have worked. I was just ready. This time something clicked in me. I was just ready and I've told myself you know I can't make up for the past of what the damage I've done to them, but I can be a good mother and grandmother now and build new memories with them. I have a lot of hope now.

Dawn Roberts:

When I first got into the program I just thought I was a loser. I didn't think there was any way that I was going to be able to do this and I just fought through it. I worked very hard but I still am very humble about it. My therapist is always on me about how you need to give yourself some credit on You're working your ass off. But I just feel like it should I need to do it, should I should have been doing. And the program that I'm in saved, saved my life. And I think that now I actually have a future.

Dawn Roberts:

And you know they say there's a difference between saying I'm sorry and making amends. To make amends you have to do different. So I don't. You know, I've told them I, brandy is always tell me. I just want to. I just want you to say you're sorry, you know, and I'm like I've told you I'm sorry, but I never changed anything, so it didn't mean shit. And now I don't tell them like what's going to happen in the future and that I'm never going to use and that I'm not going to be a piece of shit. I just live every day, you know the best of my ability and and fight. And so when my mom actually when my mom got clean, finally she was in her 60s and her health was really bad and she wasn't really able to be there for me, I moved her in with me and then she died. So I feel very blessed and fortunate that I'm still young and that my brain is still okay, because their dads isn't. And how old are you? 49.

Lyanette Talley:

And your mom passed away. I remember when she passed away, that was like a few years ago, yeah, my mom passed away in November of 19 and my daughter died in June of 20.

Dawn Roberts:

So seven months and, like I said, I was ready to just Do. You think you made amends with your mom, or yes? Yes, that's the thing that, like you know, I'm working on, that too there's. I wish that things have been different, because I was using back then and I didn't pay, I didn't give her enough of my time, but I had her living with me and she got to be around Brianna and Morgan and Jessica and Maddox, which is what she wanted. She did. She didn't die thinking that I didn't love her, I know that. But she died all of a sudden.

Dawn Roberts:

Just it just came from nowhere. And the same with Jessica. Like, they didn't even come to my door. They called me at 4 30 in the morning, told me that my daughter had passed away. So that was a big wake up call, like, and I knew that Jessica was using intravenous drugs and I would always tell her Jessica, what are you doing? Like I just I almost wanted to tell her to do a different drug, you know, just because I knew that drug could take her life, not that meth couldn't, but just that you know, I just I would see my daughter always about to pass out all the time you know, on the drugs that she was taking. But I found out right before this happened that she was using needles and I was just like, oh my God, we don't do that. Like what do you do? We don't do that in this family.

Lyanette Talley:

You know we have standards.

Dawn Roberts:

We have a still from friends and family, only stores. We don't do needles and we don't teach our kids how to steal. We don't smoke in front of them. You know those kind of things. But I thought I was being better than my mom. But so many arguments that this pistol sitting next to me and I have had sounds like me and my mother, and so many things that have happened. I would call my mom. When Brianna was, you know, a teenager, I would call my mom all the time. Mom, I'm so sorry. For what? For doing this to you, for doing that, you know, because Brianna always gave it to me. She always felt like she ran the family. She was the boss to everybody. Like you know, the whole family's like scared of Brianna. I remember grounding her sister when she was in high school and like, don't tell Brianna, let you put on makeup. I'd take the makeup that I had taken from her just to on the school ride and let Morgan put it on. Like do not tell Brianna that I let you wear your makeup because you know.

Lyanette Talley:

But it's crazy because you have your three sisters and you have the three and you guys are both in the middle, strong willed, just running things. Yeah, I didn't know that One other thing that is bizarre.

Dawn Roberts:

I had an older brother that I met when I was younger. I knew of him my whole life, but I met him when I was about 15. And he came to stay at my grandmother's with me and my sisters. Some stuff happened and he left, and so, you know, after that I was like I'm going to find him when I grow up, I'm going to hire a detective, I'm going to find my brother. And then I found out that he had died of a drug overdose. And I always wanted a brother, and so I had him for this little short period of time, and then he was gone, and it crushed all my dreams of finding him, you know. But then they lost their brother, their only brother, and that was, you know, I was close to him too, but not like they were, like they were very close to him.

Lyanette Talley:

Who was it? Your dad's son, or who? Yeah, it was my dad's son, did you ever see? Your dad again Like how did that happen? So kind of. I was just listening to you talk that I have so many questions.

Briana Deck:

That's it for this week.

Lyanette Talley:

Definitely come back next week for part two. See ya, thank you so much for listening to Virago 24-7. If you haven't done so already, go ahead and hit that subscribe button and please give us five star ratings. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram, at Virago 24 underscore seven, and on Facebook, at Virago 24 slash seven, and just connect with us and share your story. We'd love to hear from you.

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Lyanette Talley

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